I am standing in line at checkout, minding my own business. Because of social distancing and the length of the line, I am inside one of the aisles. Behind me is a man in his fifties or sixties who only has two items. He comes to stand RIGHT BESIDE ME to look over at the Twenty Items or Less lane. I allow this for about ten seconds before I feel the need to speak up.

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Man: “Yeah, I’m just checking the other lane.”

Me: “I figured. Can you please step back?”

Man: *Dismissively* “Oh, I’m fine.”

Me: *Stern* “Please keep six feet away.”

The man glares at me as though I just cursed at him and goes to stand a few feet behind me.

Man: “It’s not a big deal!”

I’m feeling fed up at people not taking this seriously.

Me: “I have asthma. My clients are mostly in their eighties or nineties. It is a big deal.”

Man: “Yeah, well, whatever, go talk to someone else.” *Mutters*

I’m thinking that he’s the one he needs to be spoken to about this, as I turn to face forward.

Me: “Just asked you to respect my space.”

Man: “How about you respect my space?!”

Me: *Incredulously* “YOU WERE THE ONE IN MY SPACE.”

The next few minutes are quiet. Because this store is popular but can only operate every other lane, the lines can be a bit long. I can barely hear customer service yelling for people with fewer than ten items to approach. I figure I’ll be the Mature Adult in this situation.

Me: *Turns around* “Hey, sir? They’re accepting ten items and less up at customer service.”

The man pointedly stares away.

Me: “Sir? You can go to customer service and you don’t have to wait long.” *Pause* “Sir, I’m trying to offer a peace branch; are you seriously ignoring me?” *Pause* “You’re ignoring me.”

I turned back around and just shook my head. I tried to be a Mature Adult, but it’s near impossible when you’re dealing with a Man Child!

A customer is self-checking his groceries out. He finishes paying for his stuff and then asks me to hold his stuff while he goes through the bathroom. Normally, receipts are scanned at the door as a security measure.

Me: “Hey, don’t forget your receipt; they scan it at the door.”

Customer: “I don’t need it. I never show it to them. I just walk away.”

Me: “Well, it would still be a good idea, just in case.”

Customer: “So you think a cop would be a thief? You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Me: *Smiles at him* “Well, just because someone’s a cop, it doesn’t mean you can’t be corrupt.”

He huffed and walked away with his groceries.

I work at a pretty busy supermarket that sells sushi. I’m giving out samples of a new type in front of the sushi fridge when a customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Hi, I need help finding a type of sushi I really liked.”

Me: “Of course! Could you describe it for me?”

Customer: “It was a roll.”

Me: “Okay… What was in it?”

Customer: “You know, some type of fish, some veggies.”

Me: “Do you remember what type of fish or which veggies?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I just remember liking it.”

Me: “Okay, well, was it wrapped in rice, quinoa, or something else?”

Customer: “It was a roll.”

I internally combust, since that describes literally almost every sushi ever.

He eventually found it and he came to show me which one he was talking about. It was this wrap that barely qualifies as sushi. It had only veggies and was wrapped in a clear sort of seaweed. I almost slammed my head into my demo table.

Related:
Enough To Make You Sushi (Roll) Your Eyes

The grocery store I work at makes rotisserie chickens. We package them whole and they sit in a heated display. A customer comes up to me.

Customer: “This smells funny.”

Okay, maybe it’s the heated plastic smell from the packaging?

Me: “What does it smell like?”

Customer: “It… it smells like… chicken!”

I stare at her for way too long before my brain manages to blurt out:

Me: “Ma’am, it is a chicken.”

She just chuckles and puts it back!

My coworkers tease me the rest of the day, coming up to the display and saying the salami smells like salami and the sandwiches like sandwiches…

A customer flags me down and takes me to a display of twenty-four-packs of water. Right now, both the store brand spring water and purified water are on sale for the same price, so there are two displays, one of spring and one of purified, right next to each other.

Customer: “I’m confused about this.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between the two waters?”

Me: “The green packaging is spring water and the blue packaging is purified water.”

Customer: “What the difference?”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between spring and purified?”

Me: “One comes from a natural spring, and one has been purified.”

Customer: “Purified?”

Me: “Yes… they ran it through a filter.”

Customer: “Where did they get the water from?”

Me: “A reservoir? A river? Maybe a lake? I’m not really sure, but they ran it through a filter to purify it and take out any contaminants.”

The customer looks at me like I have three heads.

Customer: “You aren’t making any sense.”

Me: *Pause* “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.” *Walks away*

Related:
H2-Slow, Part 20
H2-Slow, Part 19
H2-Slow, Part 18
H2-Slow, Part 17
H2-Slow, Part 16