I work as a bagger at a grocery store. A man comes in to buy a couple of items and his total is about $3. He is paying with a debit card.

Customer: “Oh, I wanted cashback, but the card machine is asking for my PIN.”

Cashier: “Go ahead and put your PIN in; I’ll fix it.”

Customer: *Types in his PIN* “Oh. Now it’s asking for my PIN again. I just put it in.”

Cashier: “Let me see.” *Looks at card reader* “Go ahead and put your PIN in again. I can start another transaction if you need cashback.”

Customer: “Okay.” *Retypes his PIN* “Okay, it says to remove my card.” *Removes the card*

Cashier: “It’s telling me that you asked for [amount] in cashback.”

Customer: “How much?”

Cashier: “[Amount].”

Customer: “Oh. That’s my PIN. My bad.”

He took the cashback and his purchase and left the store. The cashier and I could barely wait until he left before we burst out laughing!

Related:
PIN-Headed, Part 14
PIN-Headed, Part 13
PIN-Headed, Part 12
PIN-Headed, Part 11
PIN-Headed, Part 10

I need to pick up some condoms and it’s my first time doing this. I’m looking at them because let’s face it; I never bought them before, I am nervous about that evening, this store is frequented by my classmates and teachers and the woman I am meeting is gonna meet me at the store. So I’m sorta kinda on edge.

I feel a finger tap my shoulder. It’s this typical soccer-mom type and her kid is standing there.

Soccer Mom: “Put that back… go somewhere else.”

Me: *Nervously.* “W-why?”

Soccer Mom: *Loud whisper.* “This is a family store! There are children here!”

Me: “I kinda need these.”

Soccer Mom: “Put those back! You’re like what – sixteen!? God you teenagers! Now put that back or I’m gonna grab a manager and tell him a minor is buying condoms!”

I am of consenting age, but I don’t want to cause a scene so I put them back. She then menaced me as I got other things, but I wanted to stay low key because I was worried and time was running out.

So I did the insane, comical, rational thing.

I bought whipped cream and cherries. Her face goes red when I get the cherries because I stare her down. Yeah, gonna harass me and shame me… well f*** you!

I didn’t get lucky that night but I made a bomb-a** cherry coke cake.

Every time I go out with my cousin he gets mistaken as an employee at least once while we’re out. Seriously, every time. For my cousin’s birthday last month, I got him a shirt with, “No, I Don’t Work Here!” written on the front and back. We laughed and moved on.

A little while ago he and I go out to a grocery store together to get stuff and he wears the shirt. He is helping my short self get some stuff off a shelf, passing me stuff as he grabs it when I hear a huffing sound. I look around and on my cousin’s other side is a scowling woman. 

Woman: “When you’re done helping her I need you to come help me.”

My cousin looks at her, looks back at me, turns to face her, and then gestures to his shirt. She turns visibly red before huffing a bit more. 

Woman: “That is entirely inappropriate to wear while you’re on the clock. I’ll speak to your manager about this.”

She shuffles off muttering about being rude. I burst out laughing as my cousin just looks totally defeated. My theory is she knew she was wrong but didn’t want to admit it. No manager came looking for us so I don’t know if she ever actually complained about him.

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 35
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 34
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 31

I’m ringing up a customer in his late fifties or early sixties.

Me: “Do you need your receipt today?”

Customer: “Hmm, I need a cure for cancer, a million-dollar lottery ticket, and a girlfriend who doesn’t cheat on me with other women, but not my receipt.” 

He walked off, leaving me in stunned silence.

I work in produce. I hear some loud banging noises on the sales floor. I go look and find an elderly Asian man with a coconut in a plastic bag SMASHING IT ON THE WOODEN TABLE!

Me: “Excuse me, sir, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “No, no, I good. Last time I buy coconut, I get home, it rotten inside. I make sure this one not rotten.”

At this point, he split it open and the coconut water spilled all over the floor, making a huge puddle. HE POUNDED IT AGAIN, and then he walked away with the broken coconut in the bag.

We had to clean up the mess he made, but he walked away satisfied with his coconut that we could’ve opened for him without a mess.

Related:
Your Experiment Is (Coco)Nuts