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D’oh!

| FL, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work in a popular chain grocery store bakery as a clerk. One of our items is pre-rolled out pizza dough that is kept in a small cooler that’s in a wall next to the bread and rolls. I usually get questions on how to prep the pizza. This time was a little different…)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “This is pre-rolled out dough?”

Me: “Yup and it comes out to be about this size.” *I gesture with my hands the approximate shape*

Customer: “Oh good! It will be big enough to make cookies with my kids!”

Me: “Um. Ma’am. This is PIZZA dough. You can make PIZZAS with it with your kids.”

Customer: “I can’t make cookies with this?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “But this is dough.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It has yeast in it which makes it dough.”

Customer: “What if I add a lot of sugar; will it be good for cookies then?”

Me: “No. If you want that kind of dough you will have to get it from the dairy section.”

Customer: *clearly still doesn’t believe me* “What if it’s A LOT of sugar?”

Me: “It will still be pizza dough.”

Customer: *in a tone that says that she still doesn’t believe me* “Well, okay then. If you’re sure.” *puts the dough back*

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Fan-Assisted Fear

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work in a deli in a grocery store. In the bakery department the ovens beep when the timer goes off, much like an oven at home.)

Oven: *beep* *beep* *beep*

(Suddenly there is a loud drawn out scream. The entire section of the store is looking around to see what happened.)

Customer: *at bakery counter* “That beep scared me!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir. They beep when the timer goes off.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t have things that scare people! You need to turn them off!”

Clerk: “There’s no way to turn the beep off, sir. We need it to know when the oven is done.”

Clerk: “There are things that scare black people and things that scare white people and that scared me!”

(The clerk is black and the customer is white.)

Clerk: “Sir, I’m sorry but we aren’t afraid of ovens…”

(The customer storms off muttering to himself.)

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Conversational Weirdness Is Spiraling Upward

| NY, USA | Bizarre

(A customer is being served by a coworker at the deli at the grocery store where I work. My customer notices their transaction.)

Customer: “What was that ham that you sliced the other customer?”

Me: “That was the spiral ham.”

Customer: “Oooh, I usually associate the word “spiral” with a staircase… Can you imagine if you were sliding down a staircase banister and suddenly it turned into a straight razor?”

Me & Coworker: *exchange shocked looks*