The Devil’s Discount

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Non-Dialogue

The store I work at does electronic coupons tied to people’s membership cards. I have a couple come through to buy a bunch of stuff. The total is $66.60. They aren’t really happy with that so they decide to buy a fountain drink for $0.90. No problem; scan it, and total again.

They have a coupon for a free drink. Total is still $66.60.

Thankfully they were ultimately amused rather than angry.

A (Free) Basket-Case

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(I’m behind a customer being served.)

Cashier: “If you get one more yoghurt, you will get £20 off this purchase because of your loyalty card. Would you like me to get you one?”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so. I’m not spending more money on this store. You already rip me off more than enough.”

Cashier: “Okay. I was just trying to save you some money.”

Customer: “Don’t you do that.”

Cashier: “Do what?”

Customer: “Look at me like that.” *to the manager standing by the cashier* “She’s treating me like I’m stupid!”

Manager: “She’s right. One yoghurt and you get your whole basket for free. You’d have to be stupid not to take that offer!”

(The customer’s face lit up like a traffic cone and she stormed out screaming that she was going to sue.)

Me: “Do I get that offer?”

Cashier: “Let’s see!”

(I did.)

Walking A Thin Line

| Boone, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work as a cashier at a grocery store. A couple of customers, one male who is very flamboyant and a female, come through my line.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Female Customer: “I would like two packs of [Brand] cigarettes.”

(The cigarettes are located at an express register a few lanes down from mine. I go get the cigarettes and come back.)

Me: “Will that be all today?”

Female Customer: “Can you get me two more packs? He wants to see you walk again.”

(I’ve never walked more stiff legged in my life.)

No Point Crying Over Stepped-Over Milk

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I’m picking up exactly three items at the grocery store, and when I go to get in line, there’s a jug of milk sitting on the floor in the middle of the cashier’s lane, so I step around it and get into line. A few seconds later, a man with a very full cart comes up behind me.)

Customer: “You cut me!”

Me: “What? No, I didn’t. You weren’t in line.”

Customer: “I was totally in line! What did you think the milk was for?!”

Me: “That’s not being in line. That’s putting a jug of milk on the floor. That doesn’t count.”

Customer: “You cut me, and I demand you let me go first!”

Me: “No. You weren’t in line. Besides, I have three items; I’ll be done in two minutes.”

Customer: “How do you know how long it’ll take?! You lying jerk. I’m going to report you to the manager!”

Me: “That’s nice, but I’m not getting out of line.”

Customer: “You a**-hole! That just ain’t Christian!”

Me: *laughing* “Don’t worry; I’m not either of those.”

(I was done checking out by this point, so I collected my bag and headed out the door. I wonder what the manager made of that complaint!)

Think Before You Ink

| WA, USA | Health & Body

(I recently got a large tattoo that covers most of my forearm. A customer comes through my line and starts asking me about it.)

Customer: “Nice tattoo!”

Me: “Thank you! I just got it three days ago!”

Customer: “Really? Why isn’t it scabbed up at all?”

Me: “Um… tattoos aren’t really supposed to scab over. Like at all.”

(He then pulls up his sleeve to reveal a huge, black blob that must have been a tattoo at some point.)

Customer: “I got this done 45 years ago, and it was completely scabbed over!”

Me: “Oh, jeez. Well, what did you use to clean it?”

Customer: *looking confused* “What do you mean ‘clean it’?

Me: “…”

(CLEAN YOUR TATTOOS, KIDS!)

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