Forever Seeing Conspiracies

| Arvada, CO, USA | Bizarre

(I work at the customer service desk of a grocery store. A small old woman approaches the desk.)

Me: “Hi, there! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I need some stamps.”

Me: “Would you like a book of 20 or a different amount?”

Customer: “A book.”

(I pull out the book of stamps and lay them in front of her as I ring in the order.)

Customer: “Are those the forever stamps?”

Me: “All we carry are the forever stamps.”

Customer: “This design was created to support Al Qaeda!”

(I look at the stamps, and what do I see? An American flag with Lady Liberty’s face on them.)

I Think We’ve Found The Grinch

| Stayton, OR, USA | Bizarre

(I am a courtesy clerk and volunteered to work on Christmas. While getting the carts from the parking lot, a man who is in his mid-20s is exiting to the store.)

Me: “Happy holidays, sir.”

Customer: *turns his head, flashes an evil grin, laughs maniacally, and continues walking to the car*

Coworker: “I’m scared for you.”

On Our Side For Once

| New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests

(A customer left her shopping cart in front of my register. Another customer is walking up before I can move it. This is a huge pet peeve of mine.)

Customer: “Did they leave that there so I would trip?”

Me: “No, she left it because she was lazy.”

Customer: *completely seriously* “You’re so nice!”

Me: “Thank you?”

Customer: “You’re just as nice as everyone else who works here. Do they only hire nice people here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, they try to only hire nice people here.”

Customer: “Well, you tell your manager to start hiring some rude people!”

Me: “Excuse me, Sir?”

Customer: “Yes! Hire some rude people! Keep us on our toes!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll let someone know.”

Supply And Demand For Dummies

| Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do have any more [brand name] chicken noodle soup mix?

(The shelf is empty, so I look around to see if we have any hidden on the shelf.)

Me: “There is none here. Let me go check the backroom.”

(I go check and come back a few minutes later)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not have any left.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? Who runs out of chicken noodle soup in the middle of winter?”

Me: “Well, it is the middle of winter…”

Hard Times Hit Hard

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

(I’m stocking soup when a man approaches me.)

Customer: “Where’s your bacon bits?”

Me:*looking up* “Down at the end of this aisle, on the right, at the bottom.”

Customer: “Hold on…aren’t you [my name]?”

Me: “Yes. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m [name]! We went to high school together. Wow, you sure must have had it rough, huh?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Well, you know, all this time and you’re just stocking shelves…”

Me: “I’m the owner of this and two other stores. I went to business school for years and invested in the stock market.”

Customer: “Oh! Well, nice to see you again, then…”

(I found out later that he was a janitor.)

Page 108/163First...106107108109110...Last