Laid It Out For Her

| Bremerton, WA, USA | Friendly | February 6, 2015

(I’ve just reunited with my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in nine months, and am bearing the evidence in the form of love bites all over my neck. I’m in line at the grocery store, with a middle-aged and an elderly woman behind me. The middle-aged woman is muttering to the elderly woman.)

Middle-Aged Woman: *barely loud enough for me to hear* “It’s just disgraceful!”

Elderly Woman: *loudly* “Oh, shut the f*** up and stop hating on her just because she’s getting laid and you’re not!”

(I gave the elderly woman a thumbs-up over my shoulder. She cackled and the middle-aged woman turned red and didn’t say a word until I got out of line.)

 

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Changing The Meaty Subject

| IN, USA | Right | February 6, 2015

(I’m the manager on duty on a hot day in July. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Your dumpster is a disgrace! It’s full of rotten meat! It smells terrible, and has maggots in it! Someone could get sick!”

Me: “Well, it’s been very hot out, and the meat department has been doing a lot of trimming lately. But I have to ask: what were you doing in our dumpster?”

Customer: “Don’t change the subject!” *storms out*

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The Rules Are Carved In Stone

| KY, USA | Right | February 4, 2015

(I ring up a lady who got only a carving pumpkin, which are quite large, and she slides her card through the machine. Note: I’m 16 and relatively new to my job.)

Me: “That’s weird; it didn’t charge your card.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “It charged $0.00 to your card. Could you slide it again for me?”

Customer: “No, it’ll charge me twice.”

Me: “Well, it charged $0.00 the first time, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(She slides her card again. This time I realize she’s using food stamps.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, it’s not food stamp eligible.”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not.”

Customer: “Pumpkins are technically food, so yes, it is.”

Me: “The computer doesn’t think it is.”

Customer: “Look, kid, have they not taught you in school yet that you can pay for food with food stamps?”

Me: “Ma’am, these are ‘carving’ pumpkins.”

Customer: “Okay, now you’re p***ing me off. Pumpkins are food. Now, ring it up right or I’m going to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand that pumpkins are food, but we sell these pumpkins specifically for carving, not for eating.”

Customer: “Pumpkins. Are. Food.”

Me: “Do you intend to eat it?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Are you going to eat this pumpkin, ma’am?”

Customer: “…no, but that shouldn’t matter.”

Me: “Ma’am, food stamps are for people who can’t afford to buy food themselves. If you can afford to use them to buy decorations, then maybe you shouldn’t be using them.”

Customer: *she glares at me for a second, then hands me a five dollar bill* “Unbelievable.”

(She then stormed out.)

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The Fellowship Of The Night Shift

| MI, USA | Working | February 3, 2015

(Somehow on a late night shift all the nerds are working together and we have no customers. I’ve just shown a popular ‘Lord Of The Rings’ fan-vid to my coworkers on my break. A coworker walks past my department pushing the empty box cart.)

Coworker #1: “Hop on and tell me what you see.”

Me: *immediately jumps on cart and yells* “THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD! ISENGARD!”

Coworker #2: *without missing a beat* “What did you say?”

Me: “THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS!”

(The manager rushes out of the office.)

Manager: “TO ISENGARD GARD GARD GARD!”

(We ran around the entire store doing that until we closed.)

That Customer Is Trumped By THAT Customer

| USA | Right | February 3, 2015

(In passing, I have noticed a sale on NERF products in my local store. I and some friends have been planning a NERF based event so I begin to empty the aisle. This takes place at checkout.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? Shouldn’t these be ‘buy one get one free’?”

Cashier: “No, sir, I believe the sale is ‘buy two get one free.’”

Me: “Hmm… I think I’ll go look again to be sure. Do you mind holding my purchase for me?”

Cashier: “Not at all, sir.”

(I walk back over and sure enough the cashier knew what she was talking about. I walk back dejected at being THAT customer and as I return to line…)

Cashier: “Sir, I can’t accept this. This is for [Unrelated Store].”

Other Customer: “Oh… well, how about this?” *hands her a different card with a movie theater chain’s logo clearly on the front*

Cashier: “No, I can’t take that either.”

(This process repeats two or three more times before the gentleman pays and leaves.)

Me: *as I walk up to the cashier again* “You know, I was just depressed about being THAT customer today. Now? I don’t feel quite so bad.”

Cashier: “At least you can tell what store you’re in.”

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