Saving Souls And Money

| Buena Park, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

( One late night, a customer comes up dressed in very stereotypical goth attire and makeup.)

Me: “Okay, sir! Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “Look me in the eyes.”

Me: “Um… okay?”

(I look the customer directly in the eyes. He starts speaking in a steady voice.)

Customer: “You will give me a discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t just give you a discount.”

Customer: “Yes, you will. I am a vampire lord, and you are under my mental control.”

Me: *in the same type of steady voice* “You are a vampire lord, and I am under your mental control.”

Customer: “Very good. Now give me a discount or I will consume your soul.”

Me: “But master, as you can clearly see, I am a ginger, and it is common knowledge that gingers have no souls.”

(The customer stares into my eyes silently for a few seconds, and then breaks eye contact.)

Customer: “D***, you’re right. It was worth a try.”

(The customer pays and leaves.)

Supervisor: “Um…”

Me: “Yeah?”

Supervisor: “You’re blond.”

Me: “Really? THAT’S what you picked up on?”

Drinking Responsibly

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Underaged

(While perusing the selection of beer at my local grocery store, I cannot help but notice the enormous, brightly-colored signs posted on every available surface which proclaim: “WE CARD EVERYONE”. After choosing what I want, I head for the checkout, being sure to get my ID out along with my credit card.)

Me: “Just this, thanks.”

(The employee looks at me nervously. I’m 29, but look a good bit younger.)

Employee: “Now because this is alcoholic, ma’am, I am going to need to see your ID.”

Me: “Of course, got it right here.”

(The employee blinks in surprise, then smiles enormously and happily rings up my six-pack of hard cider.)

Me: “Do people really give you that hard a time about this? You have huge red and yellow signs EVERYWHERE. Not to mention it’s kind of, you know, the law?”

Employee: “Honey, you have no idea. Thank you for being smart. Here’s your receipt, and I hope you really enjoy that!”

Checks Are Out At The Checkout

| Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money, Top

(I am a cashier at a big grocery store. I have a customer in with her daughter in her mid-teens. The customer writes a check, but because of a store policy, a manager has to override an error that will pop up if the customer does not have at least $700 of checks in the system. My manager is at the check stand right next to me helping a customer, and knows that I need her assistance.)

Customer: “I can’t believe this is happening again! This happened last time!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Our system is just very particular. You must write a certain amount of checks or spend a certain amount of money every month in order for it to not need an ID and a manager override. I know it is a pain, and I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well this is just f****** ridiculous. I don’t think I’m going to shop here anymore.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry that we have to do this. My manager will be here in just a second; she just needs to finish helping another customer.”

Customer: “And this is just so stupid because I’ve written checks here before!”

Me: “I understand. Our system is just very picky when it comes to checks and—”

(At this point the customer begins to dramatically flip through her checkbook, and shoves it in my face so I can see all of the entries.)

Customer: “SEE?!”

Me: “Again, I understand, but the system says you only have $300 in the system, and it needs at least $750. I know it is a bit ridiculous, but in the end it is for the company’s and your safety, and there isn’t really anything I can do about it.”

Customer: “I know it’s not your fault, but—”

(To my surprise, the customer’s daughter suddenly speaks up in my defense.)

Customer’s Daughter: “Then why are you being such a b**** to her, mom? You are so embarrassing. Maybe you should use a debit card like normal people. I’ll be in the car waiting.”

(The mother and I both stare in shock while my manager comes over and runs the check through with no further hassle. Sometimes, it’s nice when someone says exactly what you’re thinking, especially when you can’t say it yourself!)