Perverted Product Previews

| Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink

(I am a food service specialist in a deli.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a quarter pound of American cheese.”

Me: “How is this sliced?”

Customer: “Don’t show me the slice! And I don’t want a sample, either!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s just our policy.”

Customer: “Well, that’s a stupid policy. If I were the manager, I would get rid of that.”

Me: “Well, most people like to see the slice so they can make sure it’s what they like.”

Customer: “What did you say? Most people want to see the slice? Well, that’s just sick!”

Self-Serve Sashimi

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a co-op food store and it’s not uncommon for people to eat an apple or something while they shop and pay for it at the register. A woman comes to the check out line and I notice an empty raw fish package.)

Customer: *trying to be discrete* “Oh…um…I’m also paying for this.”

(She holds up the empty raw fish package.)

Me: “Uh, excuse me, did…did you eat that?”

Customer: “Keep it down! I don’t want the entire store to know!”

Red Grapes Or Wrath

| Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(It is 9:30 pm on a Friday night. Note that the store closes at 10 pm.)

Customer: “Hi, do you have any more red grapes? These ones look pretty rough.”

Me: “No, sorry sir, but we’re all sold out of grapes.”

Customer: “Oh, really? I think you’re lying. Get me some more grapes from the back.”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that if there were any more grapes, I’d have displayed them already.”

Customer: “Bull! You just don’t want to bring me any so you can go home early!”

Me: “No, we just don’t have any left. Our shipment comes in at 9:30 am tomorrow.”

Customer: “What? No, it doesn’t. There aren’t any delivery trucks here at 9:30!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not lying to you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped accusing me of doing so.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager! I bet he has some grapes in the back!”

Me: “Look, sir. My manager has gone home for the night. I am certain that there is no secret back room that only he has access too.”

Customer: “Well, fine! This is the last time I shop here!”

(He reluctantly buys a bag of green grapes instead and walks away.)

The Grapes Or Wrath

An Idiom In Sheep’s Clothing

| Iowa, USA | At The Checkout

(I am a running through a rather elderly lady’s groceries.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I did. Well…”

Me: “Anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Your shirt is nice; such a lovely material. I will add that to my purchase, please.”

Me: “Oh. Well, actually, I purchased this at [clothing store].”

Customer: “Yes, I’ll take your shirt please.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m afraid I am unable to give you my shirt.”

Customer: “No, I’m the customer. You asked if I needed anything. I need your shirt!”

(At this point, she attempts to pull it off of me. Upon seeing a fleet of coworkers heading towards me, she runs out of the store, leaving her groceries behind.)

Manager: “What did she want?!”

Me: “Literally the shirt off my back!”

Crazy For Sushi

| New Hampshire, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m bagging a customer’s groceries.)

Customer: “If my sushi tips over, I’m gonna punch you in the face!”

Me: “Um, do you want me to put it in a separate bag for you?”

Customer: “You’d better.”

Page 105/155First...103104105106107...Last