Green Food Makes Him Green

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Working | November 25, 2014

Cashier: “What’s this?”

Me: “That’s an artichoke.”

Cashier: “Oh, I don’t like those.”

Me: “How can you know? 10 seconds ago you didn’t know what it was.”

Cashier: “Um… I don’t like green food.”

Fishing For A Fisherman

| FL, USA | Right | November 25, 2014

(I am working at the seafood counter of my store when a little old lady walks up.)

Old Lady: “Did you catch these fish yourself?”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Heh, good one.”

Old Lady: “Well? Did you?”

Me: “… No, ma’am.”

Old Lady: “Well, which one of the people here did catch them?”

Me: “No one here caught them, ma’am.”

Old Lady: “You mean you didn’t catch them locally? What kind of fisherman are you?”

Me: “I’m not a fisherman, ma’am. I’m a retail employee, as is everyone else here. Also, we’re right in the middle of the Florida peninsula, 45 miles to the ocean in either direction. And I couldn’t tell you anything about the fish living in local lakes or rivers, but I’m betting they’re not good to eat.”

Old Lady: “Well, then how did you get these fish?!”

Me: “They were farm-raised in Vietnam, frozen, shipped overseas, and driven here in a refrigerated truck.”

Old Lady: “What’s happening to America?! When I was a little girl, we used to go down to all the Mom-and-Pop general stores and buy fresh fish, caught right here in God’s country!”

Me: “Mom-and-Pop general stores don’t exist anymore, ma’am. My company had Mom and Pop locked up and burned their store to the ground.”

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Dealing With A Smoking Gun

| CT, USA | Right | November 24, 2014

(I work at a grocery store at the courtesy desk. Our store is relatively new and doesn’t sell cigarettes, unlike most others of the same chain. One day a woman approaches the desk.)

Me: “Hello. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, can I have a carton of Marlboro Lights?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. This [Store] does not sell cigarettes.”

Customer: *shocked and annoyed* “What? Why not?!”

Me: “The owner made the decision not to sell them before he opened this store.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this. That’s just UN-AMERICAN!”

(Her husband who was nearby hears her and walks up.)

Customer’s Husband: Hmm? What’s the matter?

Customer: “This store doesn’t sell cigarettes! Have you ever heard of that before?! It’s just un-American!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience. There is a store in the plaza that sells cigarettes just outside here.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to! It’s just un-American to not sell cigarettes!”

(The customer storms off leaving me and her husband to just stare in confusion.)

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

Customer’s Husband: “Yeah, not when I’m out shopping with her!”

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Checking You Out In More Than One Way

| USA | Romantic | November 23, 2014

(My mom sent me to the store to pick up a few things on the day of my high school graduation. I approach the cashier, who appears to be at least 30 years old. At this store, the cashiers tend to be really friendly.)

Cashier: “Well, hello there, beautiful!”

Me: “Hi, thanks.”

Cashier: “How are you? Did you find everything? Can I help you find anything more?”

Me: “I’m all set, thanks.”

Cashier: “Wow. You’re really beautiful.”

Me: *really off guard* “Uh… thanks.”

Cashier: “What are you doing later today?”

Me: “…graduating from high school.”

Cashier: “Oh, cool, so you’re 18?”

Me: “No, I’m only 17…”

Cashier: “Oh. Call me in a year.”

(I haven’t seen that cashier since then. I kind of wish that I had told the manager, but I was so weirded out that I just left as fast as I could.)

Don’t Pull Any Punches With God

| MI, USA | Working | November 21, 2014

(I have just finished briefly talking to one of my coworkers, who is a bit obnoxious at times. I’m headed back to my station when another coworker leans over to say something to me as I pass by.)

Coworker: “I’m going to punch him.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “I don’t know. I mean, God told me to do it. I have to punch him.”

Me: “Well… I guess I can’t stand in the way of God.”

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