Kids Say The @#$%est Things

| New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids

(A customer comes through my line with a small child.)

Me: “Aww! How old is your son?”

Customer: “He’s 4. Isn’t he adorable?”

Me: “He is.”

Customer: “Say hi to the nice lady.”

Son: “F*** you.”

Me: *shocked*

Customer: “Isn’t he just precious?”

The (Not So) Odd One Out

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am stocking shelves alongside two other employees that are dressed in the same company uniform as me when I am approached by a customer.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “Yes–”

Customer: “Never mind, you don’t work here. Sorry to bother you.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I do work here. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “You do? Hmm…I didn’t recognize the uniform. Are you sure you’re not just messing with me?”

Me: “Yes, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Nevermind. I’ll just ask the nice young lady working behind you.”

Half Dumb And Half Stupid

| Nebraska, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “It’s my birthday tomorrow and I want to have some chicken delivered. I want 50 pieces of chicken, half baked chicken and half fried chicken.”

Me: “Okay, so, you want 25 pieces of baked chicken and 25 pieces of fried chicken?”

Customer: “No, I want half baked and half fried.”

Me: “Well, half of 50 is 25. So, you want 25 baked and 25 fried?”

Customer: “No! I want 12 pieces of baked chicken and the rest fried chicken!”

Dangerously Cheesy

| John's Creek, GA, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “Where is your mad cow cheese?”

Me: “Mad cow cheese, ma’am? Do you mean Laughing Cow cheese?”

Customer: “No! Mad cow cheese! Everyone carries it.”

(At this point, I’m trying really hard not to laugh even though other customers are. I ask her to follow me and I show her the laughing cow cheese.)

Customer: “Yes! Mad cow cheese!” *takes cheese and continues shopping*

(I walk back to the area I work in, where another regular customer is waiting.)

Another customer: *laughs* “It’s okay, you can laugh now.”

How The Cookie Crumbles

| Hamilton, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to return these cookies. There are two cookies missing.”

Me: “Alright, were they stale?”

Customer: “No, my son just didn’t like them. I have the receipt.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I cannot refund them.”

Customer: “But there are two cookies missing!”

Me: “I realize that, but we cannot resell this product because you have opened them.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. What is the point of keeping a receipt if you cannot return an item? My son didn’t like them! There are only two missing!”

Me: “I’m sorry miss, but as a consumer, that is a risk you are willing to take when trying a new product.”

Customer: “It’s only missing two cookies!”

(The customer eventually left, albeit begrudgingly.)

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