Not Impressed With Man Meat

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at the deli counter of my store. I am slicing meat for a customer who appears very grumpy. She watches me slice, bag, label, and hand her the meat.)

Customer: “No! This meat is all WRONG!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “You sliced it too thick!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I did ask you if that thickness was okay, and you said yes.”

Customer: “Then you held it funny! I couldn’t see it right! I’m not buying this s***!”

Me: “Would you like me to get the manager?”

Customer: “No, he’s probably an incompetent scumbag like you!”

Me: “She might be able to help make sure you are satisfied, ma’am.”

(The customer perks up immediately and looks at me with a predatory sneer.)

Customer: “Oh really? Your manager is a woman?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then call her over here so I can explain how you f***** up my meat!”

(Sighing, I pick up the intercom phone and call the manager over.)

Customer: “That just makes you furious, doesn’t it? Taking orders from a woman?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You think you’re better than us, but you have to do what she says or she can fire you!”

Me: “Uh, not really. I’ve had plenty of female supervisors.”

Customer: “And that just burns you up inside, DOESN’T IT?!”

Me: “Why would you assume that?”

Customer: “BECAUSE YOU’RE A MAN!”

Capable Of Handicapping The Capable

, | TX, USA | Health & Body, Top

(My grandmother is 96 years old, but she is still able to drive. A car without a handicapped license plate cuts her off and pulls into the handicapped spot, so she has to park further down. She walks with her cane past the 20-something young man who took her spot.)

Grandmother: “I know we aren’t supposed to judge others because we never know what they are going through, so I am going to assume you needed that parking space more than I did.”

Young Man: *turning red and not making eye contact* “Sorry about that, ma’am. Um… can I help you into the store?”

Grandmother: “Thank you, I knew you were really a nice young man.” *takes his arm* “I’ve been a widow for almost 20 years, and it’s been a long time since a man offered to walk me anywhere.”

Mom Is Bugging Out

| Monroe, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(My customer is a young high-school kid wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt, hemp necklace, torn jeans, and sandals. He usually comes to my checkout line because I don’t give him a hard time when he buys a ton of munchies with very red eyes. This time he looks surprisingly sober.)

Me: “Evening, pal, how’s it going?”

Customer: “Ugh, not so great.”

(He proceeds to put 16 cans of bug spray on the counter.)

Me: “Yikes, got a bug problem?”

Customer: “No, but my mom thinks we do. She doesn’t realize she accidentally ate one of my, uh, you know, special cookies, and I have to play along so she doesn’t figure out it’s not real.”

(Years later, I returned to the area to find him wearing a suit and tie as store manager!)