Relationships, Like Hair, Can Be Parted

| Glen Rock, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A woman, her husband, and her sister are checking out on my line.)

Customer: “Your hair is FABULOUS!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Customer: “Can I touch it?”

Me: “Uh… sure.”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “21.”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “We have sons.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

Customer’s Sister: “…and they have girlfriends.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Think about the babies they would have! Good hair genes!”

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a good day!”

Customer: “GOOD HAIR GENES!”

Acting Like A Has-Bean

| Yonkers, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

Customer: “Excuse me, how much is one coffee bean?”

Me: “One bean?”

Customer: “Yes, just one.”

Me: “Can I ask why you want a single bean?”

Customer: “Just tell me the price!”

Me: “Uh… well, they’re [price] per pound, so you could try to weigh one bean and work it out from there.”

Customer: “Perfect!”

(She weighs one bean. The scale comes up ‘0lb, 0oz’.)

Me: “Well, I guess if you just want one bean you can take it, although you won’t get much coffee from it.”

Customer: “That won’t be a problem.”

(She grabs the entire stack of bulk bags, and begins placing a single bean in each one, weighing it, and then printing out a price tag.)

Me: “Wha… hey! You can’t—”

(My manager suddenly appears.)

Manager: “Shush, let her finish.”

(It takes the customer nearly half an hour to load up as much coffee as she wants. She proceeds to an automatic checkout, but after scanning her second free bean, the machine stops.)

Automatic Checkout: “If you have combined two of the same item, please combine them.”

Customer: “D*** it!”

Manager: “Oh, I’m sorry. These machines can be kind of picky. I’ll get that for you.”

(He stacks the entire mound of bagged coffee beans onto a scale, weighs it, and then presents her with the now massively inflated price.)

Customer: “I… hey! I’m not paying that much! Put them back.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, I’m not permitted to return food to the shelves once it’s been handled.”

(They argue, and finally the shopper gives up and pays for the beans—and the bags. After the customer leaves, my manager returns.)

Me: “She paid!? We were all expecting her to throw them on the ground and run out!”

(I was actually correct! When I left the store, I noticed dozens of bulk bags strewn around the parking lot!)

The Biggest Abuser

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a manager at a fairly large grocery store. We have a regular customer who is paralyzed from the waist down. He’s roughly 20 years old. He is scooting around on one of the store’s electric scooters, when an obese customer walks up to him.)

Customer: “How dare you go around the store in one of those! You’re taking them away from people like me who do need them!”

Regular: “Well, ma’am, I’ve been paralyzed ever since I was 14. While you can walk around and get your groceries, I certainly can’t, so I’d say I need this more that you.”

Customer: “You make me sick; pretending to be a cripple!”

(The customer then PULLS the regular out of the chair and drops him. I run over to try to help him.)

Customer: “You! Get this sick piece of trash out of here! He’s pretending to be a cripple and—”

Me: “I’m going to cut you off right there. [Regular] is most assuredly disabled, and you just picked him up and slammed him into the ground. Get out of my store, now, before I call the cops.”

Customer: “This is an injustice! I’ll sue you!” *knocks things off shelves and leaves*

(I get a call from corporate around a week later, because the customer has filed a complaint. I explain what really happened, and get the regular to confirm my story. The complaint is dropped, and the rowdy customer never returns.)