Buy One Euphemism, Get The Second One Free

| Vermont, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m a rather busty female and I work in a grocery store. An elderly man walks up to my register with his cart.)

Customer: “Well, I see you got new jugs!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “New jugs. I quite like ’em. Better grip. Oh, yeah, much better grip.”

Me: *stares wide-eyed*

Customer: *places two bottles of prune juice on the counter*

Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. They redid the bottles on those. New jugs.”

Customer: “Mmmm. Prune juice. I quite like it. Keeps me regular.”

Sweets From A Sweetie

| Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Top

(It is my 18th birthday. My manager has tied a “Happy Birthday” balloon to my register. One customer is asking about it.)

Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s my birthday.”

Customer: “Your birthday?! As in, the day you were born?!”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

Customer: *grabs a fist full of candy bars to add to his purchases* “These are for you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

, | New Orleans, LA, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “I would like to buy some top round meat. Are those good for grilling?”

Me: “No, ma’am, not really. It’s part of the leg and they’re better to marinate first because it’s kind of a tough muscle.”

Customer: “Oh, no I don’t want the muscle. Just give me the meat!”

Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet, Part 2

| Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink

(I work in the wine department of a well known grocery chain.)

Customer: “Can you show me where the Charbonnay is?”

Me: “Ah, you mean Chardonnay. It’s right over here.”

(I hand her a bottle.)

Customer: “That’s not Charbonnay. Charbonnay is RED!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. Here you go!”

(I hand her a bottle of Cabernet sauvignon.)

Customer: “That’s more like it!” *waddles off grumbling about how stupid I am*

Related:
Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

Flirtings & Salutations

| Indiana, USA | At The Checkout

(An older customer and his wife approach the register.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “Good. How are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m pretty good!”

Customer: “You got the ‘pretty’ part right, but I’m not so sure about the ‘good’ part yet.”

(The customer’s wife glares at him. I feel pretty uncomfortable and start to scan his groceries.)

Customer: “Hmm…you’re pretty fast. Good, good…”

(I hurriedly scan the rest of their groceries and turn my attention elsewhere.)

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