Gets Short About His Height

, , , | Friendly | September 30, 2017

(My friend is a very short: he’s five feet tall. He’s so insecure that he refuses to ask for help. My friend reaches for a soda on the top shelf.)

Me: “I can grab that for you.”

Friend: “No. I’ve got it.” *jumps for it*

Me: “You need to be careful; it might break.”

Friend: “Don’t.” *jump* “Need.” *jump* “Help!” *jump* “Aha!”

(He does manage to get a hold of it… for a second. It crashes to the floor and soda ends up everywhere.)

Friend: *embarrassed* “Whelp! Time to leave.”

Me: “Nope. You’re grabbing an employee while I wait here and try to prevent people from walking in it.”

(He tried to argue, but eventually got the employee. The worst part is, he works at a different store and complains about customers making messes all the time!)

Unfiltered Story #96495

, , | Unfiltered | September 27, 2017

(I work in the bakery of a popular grocery store where any discounts, including for coworkers, are forbidden and can result in termination. It’s my day off, but I stop in to see my favorite coworker and get some chocolate covered strawberries. NOTE: This coworker is currently married, but he’s been having marital problems)
Me: I’ll take six strawberries.

Coworker: Okay!

(He prints my ticket, and just as I get to self-checkout to check the barcode placement on the box, I instead see a note reading, “Paid for, [Coworker].” I just walk back to his counter, but he’s probably wondering why my face turned into a tomato)

Me: Hey [coworker], I appreciate the gesture, but you can’t do this. You’ll get fired.

Coworker: What is it?

(I show him the note on my box)

Coworker: OH CRAP! THAT NOTE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO ON A CAKE A CUSTOMER PAID FOR! *he finds the right label* There you go, [my name]. Now you can pay for them.

Me: Thanks… Yeah, that could have been bad.

(He smiles awkwardly as I leave, cheeks probably still burning at checkout)

This Has A Bad Ringing Out To It

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(I’m a cashier and it’s the end of my shift. I have my register light off and my “closed” sign up. There are other cashiers on either side of me with no customers. I’m about to sign off, when a man in his 40s comes walking up with a basket containing a few items.)

Customer: “Wait, wait, wait. Don’t go anywhere. I only have three things.”

(I look at the cashiers on either side of me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m closed, but my coworkers would be happy to assist you.”

Customer: *sighs* “You’re gonna make me carry my basket all the way over there?”

Me: “I… I guess I can ring you out.”

Customer: “Great! Thank you!”

(He hands me his basket and watches as I ring up his three items.)

Me: “Your total comes to $6.79.”

Customer: “Oh, wait! I forgot the one thing I came in to get.”

(He runs off before I can even open my mouth. I’m waiting for a good five minutes before I see him coming again… carrying an armful of groceries.)

Customer: “These, too.”

Me: “…”

(I don’t say anything, but ring up the additional items.)

Me: “Your total is now $24.37.”

(The man goes to reach for his wallet.)

Customer: “Oh s***. I forgot my wallet in my car.”

Me: “That’s fine. I can hold your order while you run out.”

(I waited another ten minutes. The guy never came back.)

Some People Shouldn’t Own Dogs, Period

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2017

Me: *gives standard greeting* “How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Hello, do you sell tampons? My dog is bleeding everywhere.”

Me: “If your dog is bleeding that badly, maybe you should take her to the vet?”

Customer: “She’s fine; she’s just in heat. Now, do you sell tampons or not?”

Me: “Well, yes, w—”

Customer: *cuts me off* “All right! I’ll be there in a bit! Thanks!” *hangs up*

Knows How To Push Your (Belly) Buttons

, , , , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I work the seafood counter, but it is joined with the meat market. Sometimes the seafood staff have to watch to meat counter for a while. For a few weeks, we have this elderly man come in and try to play pranks on the employees.)

Coworker #1: *in meat department* “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Elderly Man: “Yes, I would like your best pork belly buttons.”

Coworker #1: “Umm… I will have to ask my boss. One moment.”

Coworker #2: “Sir, pork belly buttons don’t exist.”

Elderly Man: “Well, of course they do!”

Wife: “Leave them alone! I am sorry.”

(A few days later, I am working both counters.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Elderly Man: “I would like some pork belly buttons, young lady.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but your reputation precedes you. Pork belly buttons do not exist. Is there anything that I can actually get you?”

(He laughed at this.)

Wife: “Leave the girl alone!”

Me: “Oh, no worries, ma’am; I already know who he is. Is there anything I can get for you guys today?”

Elderly Man: “I like you!”

(After that he stopped asking, but if I was working, he would smile at me when they passed by.)

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