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Just When You Thought It Would All Be Yankee Doodle Dandy

| Savannah, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, School

(I’m working the floral counter at a high-end natural foods store. An older woman comes in, well-dressed and with a strong upper class southern accent, and peers at the cut flower display. Note that my accent is quite clearly Bostonian and couldn’t pass for southern even if I tried.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, welcome to [Store]! Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, you can. My daughter is graduating from Georgia Southern. I’m having a party for her tonight, and I need flowers to make an arrangement.”

Me: “Oh, well, congratulations to your daughter! Are there any types of flower or colors in particular you had in mind?”

Customer: *looking affronted* “The Georgia Southern colors, of course!”

Me: *anxious smile* “Um?”

Customer: *as if this is a universally known fact* “Blue and white!”

Me: “Oh, okay! Well, we have quite a lot of lovely options for white, but I’m afraid as for blue we only have these blue hydrangea or this blue thistle.”

Customer: *frowns* “Hmm. Well, what would go with the hydrangea?”

Me: “You know, we just got these peonies in, and they come in an ivory as well as a cream, and they’re really quite stunning the way they open up, and we only have them for—”

Customer: *shocked* “Peonies? Honey, don’t you know those are a YANKEE flower?!”

Me: *speechless*

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Off-The-Shelf Remarks

, | Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(In our store, fresh fruit and vegetables are right through the only entrance. The section is quite large and you have to walk several meters through it to reach other parts of the store. My deli counter is at the innermost part of the store itself. A male customer in his thirties comes up to the counter just after opening.)

Me: “Good morning, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where are your vegetables?”

Me: “Oh, did you mean our frozen vegetables? You can find them in the freezers over in that corner.” *points in the direction of the freezers*

Customer: *suddenly quite irritated* “No, I meant fresh vegetables. Don’t you have any?”

Me: *a bit perplexed* “Uhm, yes we do. They are at the entrance, where you came in.”

Customer: *now angry* “Well, I didn’t see any when I came in! You need to start stocking more vegetables, when people can’t even see where they are!”

Me: *giving up* “Let me just show you…”

(I lead the customer back to the entrance and show him our bulging shelves.)

Me: “Was there anything in particular I could help you find?”

(The customer just stares blankly at me, before hurriedly exiting through the entrance, almost knocking over several entering customers on his way. A bit shocked, I walk back to my counter, where one of my coworkers stands staring towards the entrance.)

Coworker: “Was that guy for real?”

Me: “Yep. It’s going to be one of those days, I guess.”

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Getting Rusty At Refunding

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(My manager is called up to the customer service desk because a man is trying to return a patio table without his receipt. It’s a product we don’t sell anymore and was purchased over a year ago. It is clearly covered in rust.)

Manager: “I’m sorry but I can’t allow this return. We have a 90 day return policy; without your receipt and given this was purchased a year ago, there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager, then!”

Manager: “My manager will be in tomorrow. I can take down your information for her if you’d like.”

Customer: “No, I mean your regional manager! I’ll have him hear all about this!”

Manager: “All right, here’s his information.”

(The problem is, the customer will most likely lie, say he has his receipt, the product is in mint condition, and that we refused the return for no good reason.)

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Something To Shout About

| NC, USA | Bizarre, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(I’m walking into a local grocery store like any other day, when suddenly I hear a guy behind me shout something very loudly and incoherently for no discernible reason. Obviously, this scares the living daylights out of me. I turn around and see two men and a woman walking behind me. The woman, whom I assume to be the older gentleman’s wife, has clearly seen me jump out of my skin and smacks her arm across his chest in a scolding manner. I say nothing and go about my business. Later, as I’m checking out:)

Cashier: “I saw what happened when you came in. You okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. A little unnerved, though.”

Cashier: “The guy who yelled at you was getting an earful from his wife when they came in.”

Me: “Well, I’d imagine so…”

Another Cashier: “No, she was PISSED! She said something along the lines of, ‘What the H*** is wrong with you?!’ and ‘You might be a walking heart attack waiting to happen but that doesn’t mean you can give someone else one!’”

(I and the other cashier started laughing. Later I found a note on my windshield saying, “Sorry my idiot husband scared you.”)

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Your Wifely Duties

| USA | Liars & Scammers, Popular

(My husband and father-in-law own a small grocery store. I’m working as a cashier and am helping a very elderly gentleman put his items on the belt so I can ring him up when a woman pushes through us and starts to unload her stuff on the front half of the belt.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you need to move to the back of the line. This gentleman is currently checking out.”

Customer: “I don’t see you ringing him up so it’s actually my turn.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but he needed some help. Although I haven’t started to check him out, it is still his turn.”

Customer: “I’m the owner’s wife! If I say it’s my turn it’s my d*** turn!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m the owner’s wife and I would appreciate it if you would remove your items and please move behind this gentleman so I can finish checking him out.”

Customer: “What do you know? You’re just a f****** cashier. I AM the owner’s WIFE!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, just give me a moment.”

(I apologize to the gentleman and text my husband to come to the register as I walk to stand behind it. The customer gives me a smug smile but I wait to ring her up. My husband walks up.)

Husband: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “Nothing much. She kept insisting she was your wife so she could cut in front of this nice gentleman. I tried telling her I was your wife but she wouldn’t listen so I thought you could tell her.”

(We both look at the customer as her face goes red with embarrassment and anger.)

Customer: “This is bull-s***! Your customer service is terrible! I’m never shopping here again!”

(She storms off and my husband yells after her.)

Husband: “See you at home, honey!”

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