Clucked Out Early

| Omaha, NE, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Popular

(It’s just before Thanksgiving and I’m walking past the meat department when I overhear this exchange…)

Customer: “So, do these turkeys get any bigger?”

Meat Clerk: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Meat Clerk: “Because they’re dead, ma’am.”


You Say Tomato, I Say Refund

, | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I am a part-time head-cashier [supervisor] at a grocery store, and any returns need my password before the computer accepts a return.)

Me: “Oh-la!” *answering my phone with my signature hello for coworkers*

Cashier: “I need an override for a refund.”

(I walk over to customer service cash to  ask the cashier what is being return and why.)

Cashier: “Moldy.” *she points to the baguette, half of which is missing*

Customer: “It tastes like mold. That’s why I am returning it. I made my lunch with this bread this morning with it, and I can taste mold.”

Me: “Oh, I am so sorry about that. Do you want another baguette to replace it or just your money back?”

Customer #1: “My money, please.”

Me: *I type in my password, process the return, and print out a receipt for the customer* “If I can a signature here, we are good to go. Have a nice day.” *the customer signs and I start to walk away*

Customer #1: “Wait a minute. Aren’t you going to refund my sandwich meat and slice of tomato and slice of cheese?”

Me: “Excuse me?” *I ask myself in shock: did I forget to refund other items?*

Customer #1: “The tomato slice, cheese slice, and meat from my sandwich. The meat and tomato slice, cheese slice on the f****** moldy baguette, that you sold me!”

Me: “I cannot refund for slices. But if you bring back the meat, cheese, and remaining tomato, I’ll gladly refund it all.”

Customer #1: “Why would I do that? Nothing is wrong with them! I want my f****** money for the slices on the sandwich.”

Me: “Sorry about your sandwich; we did refund the baguette. I cannot refund the slices. If you bring back the rest of cheese, sandwich meat, tomato I can gladly refund them.”

Customer #1: *grabs her phone* “You’re f****** kidding me. That was my f****** lunch. I have nothing to eat. F****** b****! You ruined my lunch! “*walks away*

Cashier: “Wow.”

Customer #2: “Oh, my god! Well, I hope you don’t get any more people like her today.”

Me: “She’s been the fourth one today. Not going to be the last.”


Number Of The Beastly Coincidences, Part 2

| British Columbia, Canada | At The Checkout, Religion

(I am a cashier at a popular chain in our province. We have a loyalty card that earns the customer points that can be redeemed in-store on groceries or at the online store. Typically a point is earned with every dollar, though purchasing some products will earn a number of bonus points. I’m ringing up a customer.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve had a tough day. Just gotta pick up groceries for the week for the kids, then I can go home.”

Me: “Hopefully you can relax then! Your total is $160, nice and even.”

Customer: *chuckles* “As long as it’s not 6-6-6!”

(She pays and her receipt prints out. At this chain, we tell the customers how much they saved with their loyalty card, and how many points they earned on this shop. I tell her her savings and as I get to her points, I start to laugh.)

Me: “…and you earned 666 points today!”

(The customer just took her receipt and left.)

Number Of The Beastly Coincidences


Just Skate Right On Over The Facts

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work as a fishmonger in a well-known supermarket and a middle age woman approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some skate; do you have any?”

Me: “I’m afraid skate is actually critically endangered now. It’s unlikely that you will ever be able to get skate again, but some other stores may sell different types of ray.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back next week, then.”


No One Can Get Their Point

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Can I have a pound of turkey, sliced thin, please?”

Me: “Which kind of turkey?”

Customer: *pointing to something in my meat case* “This one.”

(I have no way to tell what she’s pointing at, since the counter, the meat rack, and all the meats on it are blocking my view. I can only even see her arm down to the elbow.)

Me: “I can’t see what you’re pointing at, ma’am.”

Customer: *jabbing her finger at it* “THIS one.”

Me: “The counter is blocking my view, ma’am.”

Customer: “Then look closer, you f***ing [disabled slur]!”

Me: “Please don’t use language like that in the store, ma’am. Could you just tell me which kind you want?”


Me: *giving up and guessing* “Oh, you mean the [Brand] hickory smoked honey.”

Customer: “YES! What was so hard about that?!”

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