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Fail-Mix

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Hall of Fame, Popular

(I work in a grocery store that has a “bulk” section which sells items by the pound such as candy, trail mix, dried fruit, etc. About every three bins there’s a sticker reminding you to write down the PLU number of the item so the cashier can enter it into the computer and weigh it properly. Despite the numerous reminders, plenty of people don’t write the code, and the cashier is forced to search through our register books which have the 150 or more bulk codes.)

Customer: “Hello!” *sets down some produce and about 10 little bags of bulk product, none of which have codes*

Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay?”

(The usual polite back-and-forth goes on as I speedily enter the memorized codes for the produce, and then pick up the book and start scouring it for the bulk codes, which I don’t try to memorize because there are so many and they’re always changing.)

Me: “What was this one?” *holding up a trail mix that looks like a dozen others*

Customer: “Oh… I don’t remember.”

Me: “All right…” *holding another* “And was this deluxe trail mix salted or unsalted?”

Customer: *impatiently shrugging* “I don’t know!”

(Inwardly I’m rolling my eyes thinking “Well we WOULD know if you followed directions and wrote the codes on the tag”, but I keep a straight face and keep looking for the codes one by one.)

Customer: *leaning in with a sly look and a smile* “Are you new?”

Me: “No, I’ve been here two years. You’re supposed to write the codes for each of these items so I can enter them into the computer.”

Customer: *unconvinced tone* “Uh huh, okay.”

(After he left, I told my coworker about it and we were both amazed that customers think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect us to remember over 150 ever-changing bulk codes, be able to discern between a dozen almost identical trail mixes, and yet it’s NOT reasonable to for them to remember ONE thing: to write the darn code!)

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Pray It’s Just Dry Humor

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

(My brother is mopping the women’s restroom when a customer comes in.)

Brother: “Careful. It might be wet.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Good. My hip’s been bothering me and I don’t have insurance, so if I slip and fall I can sue [Store].”

(She goes into the handicap stall. Meanwhile my brother waits outside so he can finish cleaning after she’s done. The customer eventually comes out.)

Customer: *disappointed* “The floor’s dry.”

Brother: “I’m… sorry?”

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Get A Handle On The Situation

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

Me: “What kind of bags for you today?”

Customer: “Uhh… one with handles”

Me: *bags groceries in plastic*

Customer: “I wanted my groceries in bags with handles.”

Me: “Sir… I am pretty sure what I am holding right now are handles.”

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Drunk On The Power Of Coupons

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Our store weekly has both sales that we mark down and promote, and sales on liquor which are exclusively marked down and handled by the state department of alcohol. Once per week, someone from the department comes in and does the signage for liquor sales. This particular week, a specific brand of coffee brandy is on sale: it was originally $9.79, but is now $6.79.)

Me: “Hello, sir!”

Customer: *grunts and unloads his basket*

Me: “Right, then…”

(I scan in his items, the last being a bottle of the brandy that’s on sale.)

Me: “All right, your total is—”

(I cut myself off as he literally throws something at me and it hits me in the cheek. I catch it and look at it.)

Customer: “Use that.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t. You see–”

Customer: “Are you deaf? Use that coupon!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t use this. It’s not a coupon.”

Customer: “What, are you blind, too? Just scan it!”

Me: “I can’t scan it. It’s not a coupon. It’s the sales sticker for the brandy you’re buying.”

Customer: *grabs the sticker and turns it around, thrusting it in my face* “See! Right there! $3 off!”

Me: “Right, $3 off of the original price. It’s originally $10 after tax and deposit, but it rang in at $7.”

Customer: “I don’t care what it rang in as! You scan this f****** coupon in!”

Me: “I can’t scan it in. Even if I could, I’d be giving you $10 brandy for $4.”

Customer: “If it ain’t a coupon, what’s this scanner bar for?!”

Me: “For the state liquor agents to scan to update their system and ours, so we don’t have to manually enter in the sale.”

(His face turns bright red and he starts screaming.)

Customer: “What the f*** do you know, you upstart little b****?!”

Me: “I know what a coupon looks like and I know that this particular brand of brandy is disgusting and for classless losers, which is why it’s on sale.”

(He screams at me again and storms out of the store, leaving his groceries and his wallet behind. My manager comes over and I hand her his wallet, ready to be yelled at for what I said to the man.)

Me: “Am I in trouble for talking back to a customer?”

Manager: *laughs* “H***, no! That was the best thing I’ve seen all week. Go put this sign back up and then take your break; you can have an extra five minutes.”

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Expressly Apologetic

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Popular

(While shopping, I pick up just a few things on the way home. I make my way to the registers and see a lone “six items or less” line open. I then almost skid to a stop when I see someone with a mostly full cart skid to a stop. Just as I’m about to turn around and head to another lane, she looks up.)

Woman: “Oh, s***!”

Cashier: “Are you all right!?”

Woman: “No, I didn’t even see this was an express lane! Oh, shoot, I’m so sorry. Here, go, go!”

(She then proceeded to wave me and the next two people who came up ahead of her; the cashier said he’d take her still since she was letting others through, and I guess she figured that still would have been quicker than re-loading all her stuff on the cart. Or maybe it was a self-imposed penance, but whatever the case, thank you to the lady that can admit your mistakes!)

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