Not Drinking Inside The Box

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(A customer comes through the checkout with a case of a new kind of beer from a well-known Canadian beer maker. The case doesn’t ring up.)

Cashier: “Sir, do you know how much this was?”

Customer: “The sign said it was $6.99.”

Cashier: “That doesn’t sound right. [My Name], would you see how much this case of beer costs?”

Me: *after checking the price* “Sir, $6.99 is the price for the six-packs inside the case. For whatever reason they just haven’t been taken out of the box yet.”

Customer: “Fine! I only want one!”

(I have no idea how anyone can think they can get 24 bottles of beer for just $6.99!)

A Barrier To Business

| SD, USA | Bizarre

(While working after hours in the bakery, I notice a thoughtful-looking customer looking at the bakery’s front counter. It’s also the first time I have to assist a customer here.)

Me: *approaching* “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: *indicating an item on our counter shelf* “Yes, I’d like these carrot cupcakes, please.”

Me: *simply grabbing them* “These? Just the one box?”

Customer: “Oh, I thought there was a glass barrier here! Well, thank you anyway…”

Doesn’t Want Any Maca-phoney

| Edwardsville, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

(One evening an elderly man comes up to the service desk asking where to find a packet of dried cheese. He insists the cheese is for popcorn and that he knows his wife, who is away visiting family for a few weeks, has purchased it at our store. After a search, I suggest that the next time he is in he could bring the old packet with him and maybe then we can help him find it. He leaves immediately and returns 15 minutes later and comes right up to the service desk.)

Customer: “Had to get it out of the trash, but I found it!” *he holds up a crumpled packet of cheese sauce mix from a box of macaroni and cheese, which as a student I was very familiar with*

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, I’m pretty sure that’s from a macaroni and cheese dinner package.”

Customer: “Well, if it is, that’s what I want. They discontinued the popcorn cheese I liked and I didn’t like any of the others until she found this one. I’ll go get a box and see.”

(He leaves to do his shopping and I don’t see him again until he stops by the service desk on his way out. He smiles as he holds up a new packet of cheese sauce mix.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help! I’ll have to ask her what she does with the macaroni part.”

Skim Over The Truth

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Comics Single

(I’m working my last week in a local health food grocery, and earlier in the day we were swamped with customers. Naturally, things will probably go out of stock until the next delivery day.)

Customer: “Why are you out of skim milk?”

Coworker: “Let me ask. Hey, [My Name], do you know why we’re out of skim?”

Me: “Well… I would assume because people bought it all. We could check the back stock but chances are it’s all gone.”

(Sure enough, we’re completely out of skim milk. Apparently the customer didn’t appreciate having the truth given to her, because she comes up later specifically to me. Oh boy.)

Customer: “You need to stop being such a smart-a**.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Of course people bought it all. That was stupid. You should’ve worded it like ‘the shipment isn’t here yet’ or ‘it’s stuck in the mountains’ or something.”

Me: “So you want me to lie to you… about why we don’t have skim. What?”

(So remember, if the customer asks you a question, make up the answer. Lesson learned.)

A Racist Plot Twist

, | FL, USA | Bigotry, Movies & TV

(It’s a slow day at work. My coworker and I are standing behind the counter making idle chat.)

Me: “Know what I’ve been thinking about?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “Kids’ sports movies.”

Coworker: “Kids’ sports movies?”

Me: “Yuh huh. Specifically, the fact that they’re all exactly the same.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean how they all have the exact same plot, the exact same characters, the exact same tone, everything.”

Coworker: *sounding unconvinced* “Hmmm…”

Me: “Think about it. You always have the exact same set of stereotypical characters: the nerd, the fat kid, the black kid who only talks in pseudo-racist jive, the girl playing on the boys’ team just to prove she can, and the guy who could be a superstar if he could just get past his piddling first-world emotional problems.”

Coworker: “You know, I think I see what you mean. Don’t forget the alcoholic coach trying to relive his glory days.”

Me: “Exactly. And our ragtag band of misfits always has to play the team of rich snobs in the championship game who taunted and defeated them at the beginning of the movie.”

Coworker: “And the coach of the rich snobs’ team was the one who humiliated our heroes’ coach way back when.”

Me: “Right. And our heroes lose their first couple of games until a pep talk from the coach inspires them, and then they destroy every successive opponent they face until the championship game, when the rich snobs are kicking their butts at halftime. Then the would-be superstar finally gets his head out of his butt and helps them turn things around in the second half and they win.”

Coworker: “And as the second half of the championship game begins, it shows a montage of our heroes evening the score set to CCR’s ‘Up Around the Bend.'”

Me: “Hah! Totally! That’s like the ultimate ‘sports-getting-your-act-in-gear’ song.”

Coworker: “You know, you’re right.”

Me: “Like I told you, dude. They’re all the same.”

Customer: “How DARE you!”

Both Of Us: “Huh?”

(A customer has just walked up to the counter and overheard the last thing I said.)

Customer: “How DARE you say that all African-Americans are the same?! You RACIST!”

Me: “What? African-Americans? No, we were talking about kids’ sports movies.”

Customer: “You said ‘They’re all the same’!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I was saying that all of those movies are the same.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me, you racist scum! Anyone who says ‘They’re all the same’ is talking about African-Americans!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I promise you that’s not what we were talking about.”

Customer: “Shut up, you racist! This whole store is racist! I don’t have to put up with this racist store! This is the MOST offensive thing I’ve ever heard in my ENTIRE life and I demand compensation for this insulting racism!”

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You’ll be sorry when your racist a** is out on the street!”

(She stomped off to the customer service counter to complain. Apparently she didn’t get the reaction she wanted from the store manager because she stomped out of the store all together a minute later. Also, she was white.)

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