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Shopping With Plenty Of Baggage

| Petaluma, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers

(I’m out shopping with my mom. We finish getting our items and head to a checkout line. My neighbor, who is a cashier, is working the cash register that we are at. He is finishing up a transaction with the customer in front of us when I hear this joke…)

Neighbor: “All right, sir. Would you like a bag with that? I can give you one from under my eyes.”

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Frozen In A Repetitive Cycle

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in the meat department, and we regularly cut prepackaged meats for customers. An elderly lady walks up and sets something on the counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I need these cut in half!”

(She then gestures at what she set on the counter: frozen Cornish game hens.)

Me: “I can thaw those out and cut them in half for you, but it will take a bit of time.”

Customer: “No! I want them cut in half while they’re frozen! I don’t want them thawed!”

(Normally I could do such a thing, and have cut frozen chickens and turkeys in half with a bandsaw. The Cornish game hens, however, are far too small to safely cut with the bandsaw.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the game hens are too small—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut them in half!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. They’re frozen—”

Customer: “So use that big saw! I know you cut frozen meat here!” *gestures at the bandsaw*

Me: “Yes, frozen things that are big enough to safely cut. These hens are too s—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut the chickens in half!”

Me: “The hens are too small—”

Customer: “Just cut them!”

Me: “I am not cutting my fingers off over a game hen! They’re too small to put on the bandsaw! I can either thaw them and cut them, or you’ll have to take them home whole.”

(The customer took them whole, still grumbling that I was being “negative” and should just cut the hens despite the very serious risk of also cutting my fingers off. A few days later I was told by a manager that she attempted to complain that I wouldn’t help her and had a bad attitude – but he sided with me not cutting my fingers off!)

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Kiss Your Crappy Day Goodbye

| USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Popular

(It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re packed with people buying candy and flowers. A woman dressed in black and pink comes up to the register with a bag of Hershey kisses. She’s wearing small pink faerie wings strapped to her back.)

Me: “So, you just winging it today?”

Faerie Lady: *laughs and tears open the bag of candy* “Here!”

Me: “What?”

Faerie Lady: *drops a handful of Hershey kisses on the counter* “Now you can say you got kisses from a stranger on Valentine’s Day!”

(She then giggled and skipped off into the store, stopping once to give my coworker gathering carts a few more pieces of candy and repeating what she said to me. She must have waited 45 minutes, just so she could buy some candy to give to strangers. Kinda made my day.)