Talking Turkey About Your Earnings

, | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

(A customer comes up to the deli counter, dressed in relatively nice clothing, and asks me for a recommendation on turkey. I have sampled most of the turkey in the case and can typically give honest recommendations.)

Me: “Well, I personally like [Brand] turkey — it’s got a pretty standard flavor, but it’s good, and [Brand] has a lot of options if you like spicier turkeys.

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s $11.00 per pound…”

Me: “True. If you’re looking for cheaper turkeys, [Store Brand] turkeyisn’t visible in the case right now, but we do have it, and there’s also—”

Customer: “I mean, I make incredible money, but I can’t justify spending $11 on a pound of turkey.”

(He looks around for a moment like he’s going to say something else, but doesn’t and storms off.)

Me: *turns to coworker* “What an odd thing to say.”

Coworker: “Yeah, that was weird.”

Me: “Well, I DON’T make ‘incredible money,’ but I’m gonna buy myself some of that turkey and live my best life.”

(My coworker laughed, and I sliced some and bought it before I went home that day. The resulting sandwich was, of course, very tasty.)

Their Weirdness Is A Whole Different Animal

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m a cashier at a small supermarket. We have miniature carts for children to use. Around midnight, two well dressed men in suits enter the store. They grab a child cart and place a large object in it. They hunch over to push the cart and as they pass by my check stand I realize it is a taxidermied animal that looks like a cross between a wolverine and an armadillo.)

Coworker: *under his breath* “What the h***?”

(The men continue around the store as normal and eventually come through my line. I’m still in shock from their entrance.)

Me: “Uh… good evening, sir. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Indeed I did my friend! Indeed I did.”

(I ring up the two men’s items: four water bottles, three packages of hot dogs, two cans of whipped cream, and a pack of gum.)

Me: *still bewildered, and having trouble taking my eyes off of the bizarre animal in the tiny cart* “Will that be all tonight?”

Customer: “Yes, sir!”

Me: “Well, uh… have a nice evening?”

Customer: “You as well, sir!”

(The two customers leave, grabbing their items and their weird dead pet on the way. I turn to my coworker:)

Me: “What in the actual f*** just happened?”

(At this point another bewildered customer approaches my check stand.)

Customer #2: “So you saw them too? Thank god. I thought I was losing it.”

Their Assumption Has Expired

| ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(I am the only cashier in front. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “I think one of the other customers is stealing.”

Me: “Can you describe the person?”

Customer: *immediately shouts* “Obviously it’s the only black guy in the store. You can’t miss him!”

(She goes on to say that he is putting things in his cart and going out back, then all the stuff from the cart is miraculously gone. He works here, getting rid of expired merchandise. The customer screams at my manager when she won’t fire him for stealing from the company.)

You Lose At Winning

| NE, USA | At The Checkout, Popular

(With the huge lottery jackpot, we’ve gotten quite a few customers in who are unfamiliar with how lottery works. I’m naturally sarcastic and with the hoards of customers, I’m getting a little snarky.)

Customer: “I’ll have a lottery ticket!”

Me: “Sorry, we just sold out.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “No, just kidding.” *sells lottery ticket, proceeds to the next customer* “What can I get for you?”

Customer #2: “The winning lottery numbers!”

Me: “Okay…” *touches a couple buttons, then hands the print out to the customer*

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “The winning lottery numbers.”

Customer #2: “But these were for the last drawing!”

Me: “You weren’t specific.”

Not Even Remotely Close To Finding It

| TX, USA | Bizarre

(I work in the customer service department at a grocery store and get a call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I think I left something there the other day and was hoping you’d found it.”

Me: “All right, what was the item, ma’am?”

Caller: “A DVD remote.”

(I’m surprised at this, since we almost only sell food.)

Me: “I’m sorry. What?”

Caller: “A DVD remote. I always carry it with me for personal reasons.”

Me: “I’m sorry… but we haven’t had any remotes turned in.”

Caller: “Okay, just figured I’d check. Will you call me if it turns up?”

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