Attacking You At Close Quarters

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Money

(I work in customer service at a popular grocery chain in the Midwest. Our money is dispensed by a machine directly into our tills, so we do not have rolls of change.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “Fine, thanks. I just need two rolls of quarters for this twenty.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately we do not have rolls of quarters.”

Customer: “What? Yes, you do. I am in here all the time getting rolls of quarters.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’ve never done this to my knowledge.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. Fine, whatever. Can I just get some quarters then?”

Me: “I can do about five dollars in quarters. If I do much more, my drawer will be unbalanced, and I will run out of quarters.”

Customer: “You’re being ridiculous. This is poor customer service.”

(She glances at my name tag which says I’ve been working there for seven years. She knows I know what I’m talking about and her argument won’t hold.)

Customer: “Is there a manager I can speak to?”

Me: “Of course.” *I call the manager over and explain the situation*

(I begin doing something else at this point.)

Customer: *to Manager* “He was being very rude, too.”

(I have to turn away because I begin silently laughing at her saying I was rude. He gets into the safe, which has rolls for accounting, to get her some quarters. He isn’t supposed to do this and later gets yelled at by accounting.)

Customer: *to me as she walks away* “See! That’s customer service.”

(Lady, I have never been rude to a customer. I am sorry you feel that me being polite in telling you that we can’t do something is rude.)

A Gross Grocery Error

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(This woman is a regular problem customer at our store. She comes up to the service desk, at which I have been working for a little over a week.)

Customer: “Yes, my husband was here last week and you overcharged him. I added up what he bought and you charged him too much.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. May I see your receipt so we can take a look and get this figured out?”

Customer: “I don’t have my receipt. I threw it out. But you overcharged him. Here.”

(She proceeds to hand me a handwritten list with about eight things written on it, none of them over a dollar. She then starts lifting empty packages with mark-down stickers on them from her cart, as if that’s proof.)

Me: “Um… so you don’t have your receipt?”

Customer: “No, I threw it out. But you overcharged him.”

Me: “Well, we’ll have to look it up then. Do you have your customer card?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(She hands me her card and I write down the number on the back of it so we can look it up.)

Me: “And what day was your husband in here?”

Customer: “Uh… I don’t know. Thursday? Yes, Thursday.”

Me: “All right, give me a moment. I’m new up here so I’m going to need to get someone to help me look up your receipt.”

Customer: “Fine. But I need the money to buy groceries.”

Me: “Um… Okay, ma’am. Just give me a few minutes.”

(We look up the receipt from the day and two come up, both well over the amount she is telling me. So we print off the receipt and I go back out front to talk to her.)

Me: “We found the receipt and it looks like there are several others items on it.”

Customer: “No, he just bought these things. They must have made mistake. It doesn’t add up. You overcharged me.”

Me: “Well, I can’t give you any money back because the receipt says this is what he bought. If you want I can have someone check the cameras to make sure.”

Customer: “Okay. I’m going to go shopping and I’ll be back for my money. I need it for the groceries.”

(I call up the co-manager on duty and he goes back to check the cameras. The lady comes back about forty-five minutes later and the co-manager comes up to talk to her.)

Co-Manager: “We checked the cameras and your husband bought everything on the receipt.”

Customer: “No, they made a mistake. Overcharged me. I want my money back. I need it for groceries.”

Co-Manager: “Yeah, no one made a mistake. You weren’t overcharged. He bought everything.”

Customer: “No, it is a mistake. I need the money for my groceries.”

Co-Manager: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have a nice day.”

Making Decisions Is Talking Turkey

, | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

Customer: “Can I have a pound of turkey, please?”

Me: “Which kind would you like, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’m sorry… what do you mean, ‘which kind’?”

Me: “We have over a dozen different kinds of turkey.”

Customer: “Oh, no, no, no. I’m not making decisions. I’m on vacation. You’re not getting me to make any decisions. I’m on vacation so I won’t have to deal with that stuff.”

Me: “Then how can I know which kind of turkey you want, ma’am?”

Customer: “Turkey. TUR-KEY. You know, gobble gobble! What’s so hard about that?!”

Me: “Well, do you want plain, sweet, smoked or spicy?”

Customer: “NO! I’M NOT MAKING DECISIONS! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME MAKE A DECISION! I WANT F***ING TURKEY!”

Me: *deadpan* “You want me to pick for you.”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “All righty.”

(I grab the nearest package of turkey without looking at it and cut her a sample slice.)

Customer: “This is gross! Why would you pick this flavor?!”

Me: “Well, that’s what sometimes happens when you don’t pick the flavor you want, ma’am.”

Customer: “Whatever! Just give me a pound of that gross s***!”

Good Lord, Donate!

| USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

(I am a cashier checking someone out. At this point, I can see the total: $6.66.)

Me: “Would you like to donate today?” *this is a standard question*

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “All right! Your total is 6-6-6.”

Customer: *grabbing a candy bar* “Can’t have that! I’ll add this, please.”

Me: “Or you could just donate.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, right! I’ll donate, then.”

Doesn’t Even Have A Pint Of Common Sense

| Collegetown, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(While working in the dairy department in a grocery store in a town that has two major universities, I have this discussion with a student, after getting out of a class myself in which the professor had just raved for an hour about how our university has some of the best and brightest minds in the country. The student is proudly wearing a sweatshirt displaying the university logo and os absolutely beaming with pride.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

Customer: *looking rather confused while staring at the dairy case* “I need help. I’m trying to find something”

Me: “Okay, what can I help you find?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t think you carry them, but I’m looking for smaller gallons of milk.”

Me: “You’re right. We don’t carry smaller gallons of milk. Anything smaller than a gallon is no longer a gallon.”

Customer: *utterly bewildered and confused at my comment* “What? I don’t get it…”

Me: “A gallon is a unit of measurement. If you don’t have a full gallon it isn’t a gallon. It’s a half gallon, or a quart, or a pint.”

Customer: “Look, do you have smaller gallons of milk or not?”

Me: “No, we definitely don’t sell smaller gallons of milk.”

Customer: *walks away irritated mumbling something under his breath*

(The store did, of course, carry half gallons, quarts, and pints of milk.)

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