Allergic To Common Sense, Part 15

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2019

(I work in a cafe that also serves ice cream. Customers can add toppings to their ice cream, and we usually have them tell us their allergies before we make their ice cream.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Are you thinking about getting ice cream or coffee?”

Customer: *who is really nice* “I want to get ice cream.”

Me: “Okay, what kind?”

Customer: “I’ll take vanilla with Reese’s cups.”

Me: “Okay.” *starts putting the order in*

Customer: “I’m allergic to peanuts.”

Me: *stops putting the order in* “Ma’am, Reese’s has peanuts in it. Are you sure you want Reese’s in your ice cream?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m definitely allergic to peanuts.” *proceeds to pull an epi-pen out of her purse* “But I’m not allergic to the peanuts in Reese’s.”

Me: *stutters* “Okay, so, you really want Reese’s in your ice cream, but you are allergic to peanuts.”

Customer: *still happy* “Yeah. So, make sure you use a new scoop and rinse everything, just in case there’s peanut residue. I’m allergic to peanuts.”

Me: *completely stupefied* “Okay, is that all today?”

Customer: “No, I have another order for ice cream. My daughter wants vanilla with cherries. But she’s allergic to dairy, so make sure your ice cream is dairy-free.”

(The customer wound up getting all her ice cream, and neither of them had an allergic reaction in the store.)

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 14
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 13
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12

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How To Respond In A World Where Everyone Is Offended By Everything

, , , , , | Right | January 7, 2019

I was shopping in our local superstore with my mom, wearing a shirt I got as a gift from my goofy brother, when I ran afoul of a lovely customer. The shirt is bright red with small white writing that says, “I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.”

I had been wandering through the clothing aisles for a few minutes when I noticed this older woman storming in my direction from the other end of the clothing section. She stepped between me and the rack of shirts I was looking at, pointed at my shirt, and said, “I find that shirt offensive!

Retrospectively, I have no idea what she expected. An apology for what was obviously a pointless joke, as opposed to a scathing criticism of people with real mental health issues? An attempt to defend my wardrobe to someone who felt a compulsion to cross the entire women’s clothing section to rage at me? Congratulations for being able to read print that small from that far away? Did she really believe the words “I’m offended” were a magical spell that allowed the user to harass random strangers at will?

Without even a pause to think of any of that, I replied, “And?” in a tone that clearly stated I expected her to have a better reason to be bothering me. Apparently, that response really threw her, because she stared at me with her mouth hanging wide open for quite a while before walking slowly back to her cart.

I turned back to the shirt rack and caught my mother laughing herself silly. She said, “I don’t think she’s ever had that kind of response to a complaint. Serves her right for being a grouchy old bat.” Mind you, Mom was about this lady’s age. This was years ago, and she and I still occasionally respond to a friend or family member’s complaint with, “And?” Also, I still have the shirt.

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I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 28

, , , , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I am on my lunch break, shopping at a fabric store. I am wearing a blue polo, khakis, sneakers, and my ID badge on a lanyard.)

Customer: “Sir! Sir! Over here! Sir!”

(I ignore the other customer, thinking she is calling for an employee. I keep browsing for the fabric marker I am looking for. Then an older gentleman puts his hand on my shoulder and violently turns me around.)

Customer’s Husband: “Hey, she was calling you!”

Me: “Why? I don’t know either one of you.”

Customer’s Husband: “She needs to know where the floral arrangements are!”

Me: “Then find someone who works here, dips**t, and don’t touch me.”

Customer’s Husband: “Oh, yeah? Let’s see that badge, smart-a**.”

(The customer flips my id badge around and sees that it is for a medical software company.)

Customer’s Husband: “Oh.”

Me: “Yeah, ‘oh.’ Why don’t you try someone wearing a red vest that says [Store] on the back? And try not to grab them; I hear you get better service that way.”

(The man apologized and went looking for an employee. I hope he calmed down and found someone to help them!)

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Hasn’t Read The Risks On The Web

, , , , , | Right | December 5, 2013

(Some friends and I volunteer for a local charity event at the zoo. We are in superhero costumes since the zoo is filled with daycare-age children that want to see their favorite superheroes. I am costumed as Spider-Man.)

Mother: “Excuse me, Spider-Man? My son is a huge fan of yours!”

(The mother points to a child covered in Spider-Man merchandise, from his hat to his shoes.)

Me: “Well, hey. Always great to meet a fan! Does he want a picture?”

Mother: “Well, actually, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

Me: “Well, sure. What do you need?”

Mother: “Well, my son really wants to go into the insect and arachnid enclosure, but I’m terrified of spiders. Would you be able to take him in there? He would trust you.”

Me: “Ma’am, did you just ask me, a guy you don’t know, to take your child into a dark, enclosed room? You don’t even know what I look like under this mask.”

(The mother gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look and then walked away. Surprisingly, she came back 10 minutes later and had her son get a picture with me!)

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