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Gate Crasher

| Canada | Crazy Requests

(The greenhouse I work at is small and locally owned so the retail section has only a padlocked fence surrounding the area for security. When closing, I lock the gate, close and balance the cash register, and then need to physically remove the register and drive it over to another building. In order to get the register to my car, which is parked outside the fence, I unlock and open the gate. As I do so, a customer comes out from around the corner and darts inside the fenced area.)

Me: *calling out* “Ma’am! Ma’am! We are closed and I need you to leave the premise now and please come back tomorrow if you need to make purchases.”

Customer: “You’re not closed; the gate was unlocked and opened!”

Me: “I simply had to load some heavy equipment, but unfortunately we are closed. Even if I wanted to check you out, I couldn’t because the register has been closed down and locked up for the night.”

Customer: “But the gate was open! Can’t I just look around?”

Me: “You want me to wait while you look around, knowing you cannot actually make any purchases?”

Customer: “Yes! I want to pick out what I want and have you put it aside for me!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but you’ll really need to come back during business hours as I need to get to get to other buildings before they lock up for the night.”

Customer: “How rude! I expected better service from a store that relies on local business!” *storms off*

Me: “…”

Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual

| Minnesota, USA | Math & Science

(I have been helping a customer find an apple tree he wants to give as a gift.)

Me: “Just so you’re aware, if the person you’re buying this for doesn’t have another apple tree, or there isn’t one close by, this tree isn’t going to produce any fruit.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, apple trees only produce fruit through cross-pollination.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Well, the simplest way for me to explain is: People are unable to reproduce with themselves, right?”

Customer: “So, is this tree male or female?”

Me: “Well, apple trees are asexual.”

Customer: “So, it’s gay?!”