Even The Cookie Monster Needs A Sandwich Sometimes

, , , , , , | Right | December 25, 2019

(I work at a sandwich store that delivers. Most of the delivery drivers are in their early 20s at the oldest and rely on the tips they get during their shifts. I hear one driver talking to a new hire about an address the new driver was going to.)

Driver: “This lady is really old and kind of spacey and she’ll probably only tip you a quarter and call you ‘sweetie’–“

New Hire: *frowns, but nods*

Driver: “–but she’ll also give you some fresh-baked cookies. They’re so good. If her daughter is there, you’ll get a cash tip.”

New Hire: *perks up* “Oooh, what kind of cookies?!”

(He came back munching on a huge chocolate chip cookie, looking quite pleased. The elderly woman bakes the shop two dozen cookies every Christmas and her daughter drops them off during our employee party. She’s a very well-loved customer!)

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Rudolph Needs To Get Himself On Twitter

, , , , , , , | Right | December 25, 2019

(The restaurant I work at is currently selling stuffed dogs for charity. Earlier, a man bought one and asked me to give it to the first kid that came in. Later, another man shows up with a six- to seven-year-old boy. I decide to try to make things more fun.)

Me: “Hey, can you answer a question for me? If you get it right, there’s a prize!”

Kid: “Yeah!”

Me: “Okay, great! Now, what reindeer has a glowing red nose?”

Kid: “Santa’s reindeer!”

(I gave him the toy.)

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Nice Callers In A Call Center Is A Christmas Miracle

, , , , , | Right | December 25, 2019

(I work in a call center for a bank, in their debit card fraud department. Around Christmas one year, my grandmother calls me into the kitchen, very upset with something.)

Grandma: “I tried to buy [Cousin] something from [Business], but they never sent it. I paid for this a month ago, and it never arrived. I just got off the phone with them; they’re saying they have no record of the transaction, but it’s here on my credit card bill!

Me: “Okay. We’re calling the bank and reporting it.”

Grandma: “No, no… it’s a hassle. I don’t want to be on the phone all day with them.”

(This annoys me, because this is how my grandmother is. She’d much rather have something to complain about so people would feel sorry for her, instead of taking care of it.)

Me: “No, come on, here. Sit down. I’m gonna call in and verify you through the robot, and you’re gonna take the phone and tell them you want me to talk to them for you. Okay?”

(She agrees, and after twenty minutes on hold – call volume around this time means normally a 40- to 50-minute wait – we get an associate. She tells them she wants me to talk to them, she has to answer another security question, and I take the phone.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I actually work in the debit card fraud department in the [City] call center. I need to report fraud on my grandmother’s credit card, please.”

(It took me five minutes to explain the situation, report the fraud, and get the issue fully settled. When I went in to work the next day, I had a soda sitting on my desk with a little note. Turns out the person I’d spoken to was also in my call center, just on the other end of the room. She said I’d been her nicest and quickest call all day!)

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Internot Getting It  

, , , , , , | Working | December 22, 2019

(I have just moved into an apartment in Orlando. It’s a converted fisherman’s village by a lake, and each small building has three tiny apartments. After I finish all the paperwork, I ask the company who owns the building this.)

Me: “By the way, do you know what company provides Internet access to these apartments?”

Employee: “I believe that would be [Telcom #1].”

Me: “Great, thanks.”

(Later on, I go to [Telcom #1]’s storefront. I talk to a salesperson there and we start getting me signed up.)

Employee: “What’s your address?”

Me: “[Address].”

Employee: “I’m not seeing that. Where is that?”

Me: “It’s just down the road from here, about a mile or less.”

Employee: “And what was that again?”

Me: “[Address].”

Employee: “Yeah… That’s not on our service map. We just don’t have the infrastructure there to get you connected. Sorry. We can’t give you Internet.”

Me: “Oh, bummer. Sorry for wasting your time.”

(I leave. Using public Wi-Fi, I do a search for my new zip code and Internet providers and am given a list. I call a second telcom.)

Me: “Hi. I’m checking to see if you guys provide Internet connections to my address?” *gives address*

Telcom #2: “Hmm… Mo, I’m sorry, we’re not showing that on our service map.”

(This repeats for every single Internet provider and telephone company that provides service in my zip code. I call, they check my address, and nothing comes up. One or two of them even recommend I try [Telcom #1]. After I run out of new companies to call, I call the leasing office again.)

Me: “Hi. I recently moved into [Property] and I was wondering if you guys had any information on who provides Internet there?”

Lease Office Employee: “Sorry, we don’t. You would have to do a search for your zip code and call the local companies.”

Me: “Uh… okay, great. Thank you.”

(By this point, I’ve gotten friendly with my neighbors and I stop by when they’re hanging out outside one evening.)

Me: “Hey, I have a question. You guys have Internet, right?”

Neighbor: “Yeah, of course.”

Me: “Who’s your provider?”

Neighbor: “[Telcom #1].”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Neighbor: “Yeah.”

(He reaches into his apartment and picks up a bill off of a little mail table by the door. He opens it up and shows me.)

Neighbor: “They’ve been providing me Internet since I moved in here.”

Me: *with barely contained frustration* “Thank you. You’ve been very helpful.”

(The next day is my day off, so I call [Telcom #1].)

Me: “Hi. I’m looking to set up an Internet connection at my address.” *gives address*

Telcom #1: “Let me look that up… No, I’m sorry, we don’t provide Internet to that location.”

Me: “Okay, but my neighbor says you do and he has Internet from you.”

Telcom #1: “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m looking at my service map right now and we don’t provide service to that area. We don’t have any infrastructure.”

Me: “I literally saw the bill with my own eyes. You are billing my neighbor for Internet and he lives in a building like twelve feet from mine.”

Telcom #1: “I really don’t know why that would be. We absolutely do not provide Internet to your address or any address in your neighborhood.”

(There’s a long pause as I try to think of some way to make sense of this.)

Telcom #1: “We provide DSL Internet, though.”

Me: *pause* “Beg pardon?”

Telcom #1: “We don’t provide Internet, but we provide DSL Internet.”

Me: “So… you don’t provide Internet… but you provide DSL Internet.”

Telcom #1: “Yeah. Why? Is that something you would be interested in?”

Me: “Yes, it would.”

(Fortunately, they eventually connected me to the DSL Internet… which was extremely different from the Internet.)

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Lost And Found Your Marbles  

, , , , | Right | December 22, 2019

(A customer approaches my register and asks if we have a lost and found.)

Me: “Sure, just let me call someone to look in the closet, since I need to keep an eye on the register.”

(My coworker comes up and the customer describes their item.)

Customer: “It’s not a big deal; I’m not even sure if I left it here or not.”

Coworker: “Sure, let me have a look.”

(My coworker goes into the closet and roots around, and a few minutes later pops out wearing a big floppy hat, sunglasses, a stethoscope, and a totally deadpan face:)

Coworker: “Sorry, no luck.”

Customer: *laughing* “Thanks for trying anyway!”

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