He’s Spring Broken

, , , , , | Working | May 9, 2019

(A new hire, still in high school, is clearly working his first job. A few weeks go by and everything is fine. Then, one Monday he doesn’t show up for work. Calling him doesn’t work; no one answers. Tuesday, same thing: no-show and no answer when called. He still doesn’t show up on the third day; however, he answers his phone.)

Coworker: “Hey! Where have you been? You should be at work!”

Employee: “What? Why? I’m on vacation. It’s spring break!”

Let’s Hope She Wasn’t Calling Her Lawyer About Child Custody

, , , , , , | | Right | May 9, 2019

(A woman and her seven-year-old son come in. The woman is on the phone and visibly angry. She is short with her answers and she takes her food and leaves… without her son. I tell my manager and, due to being the newest employee, I get babysitting duty as I try and call the customer.)

Customer: *answering on the tenth time I call* “What?!”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Pizza Place], are you [Customer]?”

Customer: “Obviously, since you have called me a million f****** times! What do you want? I’m f****** busy!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was trying to get ahold of you as you left—“

Customer: “Oh, so, I f****** left something? That’s not important. I’ll come to pick it up in a couple of days. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to call my lawyer back since you interrupted me—“

Me: “Ma’am, you left your son behind.”

Customer: *silence*

Me: *silence*

Customer: “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

(She arrived twenty minutes later with a fresh coffee and retrieved her son.)

Really Wanted That To Be Fake

, , , , , | Working | May 8, 2019

(I’m picking up vodka for a party. I’m very tired from working some long, exhausting shifts for the past week. I go to the register and set the bottle on the counter.)

Cashier: “Sorry, you have to be 21.”

Me: “I know.”

Cashier: “How old are you?”

(I hand over my ID. The cashier looks at it and smirks.)

Cashier: “So, how old are you?”

Me: “I’m 22. I have my passport, as well, if you need to see it.”

Cashier: “Oh, that won’t be needed.”

(He scans it through an ID reader. It beeps back that it read it, it’s real, and I’m old enough. He stops and scans it again. Same result. He practically throws it back at me.)

Cashier: “It’s [amount].”

(I get that they need to be sure, but don’t assume everyone who looks 20 is underage.)

Someone’s Parents Are About To Receive A Nice Surprise

, , , , , | Working | May 7, 2019

(I’m a thirty-year-old woman who has always looked young for my age. I’ve recently moved to a small town and am enjoying the more personal, casual service at local businesses. I go to make a deposit at the bank and simply give them my name.)

Teller: “Sure thing. Will that be all today?”

Me: “Yep, thank you.” *turns to go*

Teller: *after I’ve taken three steps away* “By the way, do you want that to go in your parents’ account?”

Me: *deer-in-the-headlights look* “My… parents live overseas.”

(And that’s how I learned that I share a name with a local teenager. I always gave my account number after that.)

Not The Sharpest Guy At The Fair

, , , , , , , | Working | May 6, 2019

(I am heading into the county fair with some friends. I have a folding knife in its case attached to my belt. At the entrance gate, as we prepare to pay to get in, the ticket seller looks at me.)

Seller: “You can’t bring that knife in here.”

Me: “Why not?”

Seller: “We don’t want anyone getting stabbed.”

(I look past the gate. The VERY FIRST vendor inside the gate is selling knives, much bigger than the one I have.)

Me: “He’s selling knives right there!”

Seller: “You can’t bring it in. We don’t want anyone getting stabbed.”

(Note to self: if you want to stab someone at this particular county fair, you’re required to buy one of their knives to do it.)


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