Scored A Ten For Stupidity

, , , , , | | Working | August 9, 2019

(I am about to move and ran out of boxes. I head to the nearest hardware store to buy two. It’s Wednesday morning, so the shop is dead; I am the only customer. I get my boxes and head to the checkout. The boxes get scanned by a bored cashier, for 5€ in total. I pay with a 20€.)

Cashier: “Here is your change.”

(She hands me a 5€ note.)

Me: “But I paid with a 20€.”

Cashier: “No, you didn’t. You paid with a 10€ note.”

Me: “I am sure I did pay with a 20€ note!”

Cashier: “Yeah, but to check I would have to count all my change. This would take a while.”

(She is obviously not interested in doing so.)

Me: “Please do. I have time.”

(She sighs heavily and calls for a second cashier. Without even looking at me, both start counting the money, which takes twenty minutes. In the end, it becomes obvious that she has 10€ too much in her till. Without further comment or even an apology she hands me two 5€ notes.)

Me: “Can you please give me a 10€?”

(She looks into her till and shakes her head.)

Cashier: “I don’t have a 10€ note in my till.”

Me: “…”

Worse Than A Bad Cop Is Bad Writing

, , , , | | Related | August 9, 2019

(My grandfather is a retired cop. Sometimes I ask him how accurate police in TV shows are. Other times I’ll ask him what he thinks of real court cases. In this instance, I am asking about a show but forgets to specify.)

Me: “So, if two guys were fugitives, but they never switched their car — never even switched their license plates — why couldn’t the cops track them down in an instant? And their faces are everywhere; it’s not like they even grew a beard!”

Grandfather: “Well, you have to cut officers some slack. Many of us are overworked and underpaid, and there are a number of reasons why they wouldn’t be able to find these criminals.”

Me: *interrupting him before he gets too far* “Ah… Um, it was in a show.”

Grandfather: “The writers are idiots! There is no reason for those men to remain at large.”

It’s Only Good Advice When It Applies To Others

, , , , , , , | | Working | August 8, 2019

(I work as a mechanical engineer in a quite noisy factory; as such, we’re required to wear ear protection when on the shop floor, but not in the enclosed workshop areas where I work. On this particular day, I’ve spent the better part of five hours straightening a stack of steel plates that came in slightly bent due to a mistake in the drawing not specifying they needed to be pretty much flat. I’m overheating, my arm is sore from all the hammering, and despite my ear defenders the noise is really loud and beginning to get to me, but the job needs doing so I’m doing it. Working in the workshop next door is one of the maintenance managers, a grumpy, unpleasant person slightly past middle age — the kind of person that regularly comes out with statements beginning with, “I’m not racist, but—” or, “these f****** [group of people],” so naturally I’ve grown quite a dislike for him over the years. Having had enough of the noise, the grumpy manager storms in.)

Grumpy Manager: “Do you have to do that?”

Me: “If you actually want the job done, yeah.”

Grumpy Manager: “Can’t you do it at [work bench on the shop floor]?”

Me: “Not without pissing off a bunch of machine operators, no.”

Grumpy Manager: “Oh, just tell them to put their earplugs in properly if anyone complains.”

Me: *in an oblivious tone* “So, if someone complains I should just tell them to put their earplugs in?”

Grumpy Manager: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, put your earplugs in.” *puts ear defenders back on and goes back to work*

(Out of the corner of my eye I saw him go an odd shade of red, begin to gesture wildly, and step towards me before he noticed my direct manager — a man I get along with well and who also dislikes the grumpy manager — on the other side of the workshop keeled over with laughter, and decided not to make an idiot of himself any further.)

Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer

, , , , , , | | Right | August 8, 2019

(A customer appears late one day. He is obnoxious and keeps asking for free coffee in exchange for positive Yelp reviews. My supervisor takes pity on him and pours him a cup. Two days later, he comes back in:)

Customer: *slams a case of Monster energy drinks on the counter* “I’m here for my regular.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m here for my free coffee.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t give out free coffee.”

Customer: “You must be new. I was in here the other day. I get a free coffee in exchange for a positive Yelp review.”

Me: “I was working when you came in. My supervisor made an exception, but I really can’t. I’m sorry. I’ll be happy to sell you a coffee.”

Customer: “BUT I WRITE POSITIVE REVIEWS!” 

(We stare each other down a few seconds.)

Me: “And we appreciate that. But I still can’t give out free coffee.”

Customer: “Well, the service here has certainly gone downhill. Maybe I’ll write about that.”

(A line has formed behind him and my patience is wearing REALLY thin). 

Me: “Are you trying to blackmail us into giving you free items by threatening negative reviews?”

Customer: *yelling* “MAYBE! THE SERVICE HERE IS REALLY AWFUL!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. But a line has formed behind you and if you aren’t going to purchase anything I do have to ask you to leave.”

(He walks out, still yelling about my terrible customer service skills. He returns a few moments later and attempts to sell Monster to our customers. I politely excuse myself from the line of customers and tell him again to leave.)

Woman: *in line behind him* “What the f*** was that?!”

Corporate Management Decisions: A Cautionary Tale

, , , , , | | Working | August 7, 2019

A few years ago, the company I work for bought another, smaller company that used to be a competitor. Their office, headquartered in another state across the country from us, remained open, and thus we had two locations for our one company.

The problem is that the new office is seriously understaffed. They’re essentially trying to do the same work as our office with one-fifth of the staff. This means that a lot of times, clients are calling in and getting either no answer, or a voicemail message, with no calls back because nobody has time to check them. So, our corporate managers make a fantastically stupid decision.

Whenever anyone calls the new office, and the phone rings eight times without an answer, the call will bounce to our office. Great in theory, right? Sure, until this gem happens.

A remote employee, contracted with the new office, calls in to report a problem and that she may not be on time to do her job that’s coming up. She calls the new office, the phone rings eight times, and it bounces to us. My supervisor takes the call, and decides to get in touch with the new office to let them know, so they can take care of the proper arrangements.

My supervisor then dials the number for the new office.

Eventually, someone picks up.

My supervisor notes that the guy who answers has the same name as someone working in our office. Sounds like him, even.

My supervisor reports the problem, and there’s silence on the other line. Out of the corner of his eye, my supervisor sees someone turn around in his chair. It’s the employee with the same name as the guy on the phone. No, he is the guy on the phone. Two of our staff are talking to one another on the phone, from ten feet away, about a problem our office can’t resolve.

The bounced call policy was removed hours later.