Found A Gap In Your Social Security

, , , , | Right | July 31, 2020

A woman storms up to my teller window.

Customer: “Why did you people call me at ten pm?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we close at five.”

Customer: “Your call center, then! Someone from this bank called me at ten pm last night.”

Me: “Our call center closes at eight.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that! [Bank] called me at ten pm. They said it was urgent, and they needed my card number!”

Me: “Ma’am, no one from [Bank] will ever call you and ask for your card number, especially not at ten pm. We have all your information. We don’t need to ask for it. What you had was a scammer.”

Customer: *Pause* “Oh.”

Me: “Did you give this scammer any of your banking information?”

Customer: “Of course not. Are you calling me stupid?! I’m not stupid!”

Me: “Not at all. I don’t want a scammer cleaning out your bank account. So, did you give them any information at all? Card number, account number, Social Security number?”

Customer: “Um… I may have given them my card number.”

Me: “Okay, that’s a fairly easy fix. I can order you a new card. Did you give them anything else?”

Customer: “I didn’t give them my Social Security number! See, I’m not stupid!”

Me: “I’m glad to hear it. How about your account number?”

Customer: “Uh…”

She gives me a guilty look.

Me: “All right. So, you need a new account and a new debit card. Please have a seat at the desk next to the door. One of my bankers will be right with you. They’ll also need to see your ID.”

Customer: “But why?!”

Me: *sigh*

This story is part of our July 2020 Roundup – the best stories of the month!

Read the next July 2020 Roundup story!

Read the July 2020 Roundup!

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Would Be Totally Destroyed In The Roman Forum

, , , , , | Right | July 30, 2020

I’m doing guided tours in the historical centre of Rome, leading a tour group out of the Imperial Fora and bringing them to the Colosseum. [Tourist #1] from the group approaches me.

Tourist #1: *In English* “By the way, I was wondering, did the Romans ever ask to fix up the ruins?”

Me: “Not really, no, most of Rome’s citizens think they’re better that way.”

Tourist #1: “I mean, I suppose so, but isn’t there a representative body around to protect their interests?”

Me: *Confused* “What do you mean, exactly? The city of Rome has a lot of mayorships in it, but there’s not really one standing one above the other.”

Tourist #1: “So, I guess that you just kind of keep Romans in reservations like First Nations, then? Because that’s what it looks like.”

Me: “First Nations?”

Tourist #2: “[Tourist #1], cut it out, the Romans don’t exist anymore; they can’t be represented in the city body.”

Tourist #1: “Ah, I suppose they all died in the Holocaust, [My Name]? Because I’ve read that ‘Romas’ died in it…”

I bit my tongue and ignored the question, getting to the explanation of the Colosseum. [Tourist #2] did try to offer me a pastry as an apology, but I declined.

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Redefining “Lightweight”

, , , , , , , | Working | July 30, 2020

I worked in a bar at a sports stadium. We were allowed to have non-alcoholic drinks but many of the staff added spirits to their drinks. Usually, management turned a blind eye — often they would have one, too — as long as no one got drunk. But there was one worker who often went overboard, so one of the supervisors asked the bar staff not to let him have so many drinks.

One time, he was outside the bar, obviously very drunk, slurring his words. The supervisor had to make him take off his badge and sit among the crowd watching a game so management didn’t see him.

As the supervisor came back inside, he said, “Hey, [Coworker], I thought I told you that [Drunk Coworker] could only have one drink. He told me that you gave him four drinks and complained that you made them really strong.”

My coworker replied, “He pitched a fit when I told him he could only have one, so I thought I would just dip my finger in the scotch and run it around the rim of his cup. I didn’t think he would get so drunk on what was basically four drops of scotch.”

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PIN-Headed, Part 12

, , , , , | Right | July 30, 2020

I am working at the checkout. I finish scanning a customer’s stuff.

Me: “Your total is £12.34.”

Customer: “Wow, that’s my PIN number!”


Customer: “Oops.”

PIN-Headed, Part 11
PIN-Headed, Part 10
PIN-Headed, Part 9
PIN-Headed, Part 8
PIN-Headed, Part 7

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Why “Take Your Kid To Work Day” Never Took Off

, , , , , , , | Working | July 29, 2020

Times being what they are, everyone in my office is working from home, and meetings are all being done via conference call.

During one such call, I’m in the midst of explaining a problem that I’ve been working on and what I’m going to need to resolve it, when suddenly one of my coworkers — a woman a few years older than me — breaks in and says very sternly, “Well, I’m gonna need you to be a big boy and DEAL WITH IT.”

The call goes silent, everyone stunned for a moment at such a rude comment, when somebody else on the call, who is a bit quicker on the uptake than the rest of us, says, “[Coworker], you’re not on mute.”

Coworker: “Oh! I’m sorry. My kid was bothering me about something. He knows he’s not supposed to talk to me when I have my headset on unless it’s an emergency.”

Me: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought you were using your Mom voice on me!

Then, everyone laughed, and it took a few minutes to restore order and get on with the meeting.

This story is part of our July 2020 Roundup – the best stories of the month!

Read the next July 2020 Roundup story!

Read the July 2020 Roundup!

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