Fast Food And Polygamy

, , , , , , | | Right | May 10, 2019

(One night, both of my parents come home late from work. I am in the car with my dad, while my other three siblings ride with my mom, who drives a silver minivan. They decide over the phone to go to the same drive-thru place. My dad notices her pulling in behind him, and gets an idea. We pull up to the window.)

Cashier: “Hello, that’s going to be [total mentioned over the speaker].”

Dad: *smiling* “I’d like to pay for my wife behind me, as well, please.”

Cashier: “Sure, no problem. Their total is [total that doesn’t sound abnormal for four people].”

Dad: “That’s fine.”

(He pays and we drive into the parking lot. We call my mom.)

Dad: “Hey, did you pay yet?”

Mom: “No, we aren’t at the window yet.”

Dad: “Huh?”

(That’s when we turned around and saw a guy in a red pickup truck pull out after us. Apparently, my dad was too tired or not paying attention and didn’t see the guy pull in. That cashier must’ve been so confused.)

A Deficiency In Efficiency

, , , , , , | Working | May 10, 2019

(I’m out shopping and I enter a store, where [Clerk #1] asks me if I need help and I politely tell her I’m just looking. She leaves me alone. I turn around, but I hear this exchange:)

Clerk #2: “Hey, do you need any—“

Clerk #1: “Don’t ask! I’ve already asked her!”

Clerk #2: “Oh, my God, we’re so efficient.”

In The Future Cars Will Run On Carbs

, , , , | | Right | May 10, 2019

(We host an annual fundraising dinner for our high school band, and we serve a lot of spaghetti. My dad’s a longtime supporter and one day stumbles across something interesting. About a month before the dinner, one brand of spaghetti goes on special at local grocery store, and at the same time there’s a coupon that can be used in conjunction if you also buy the same brand sauce. With both, you can get extra “points” on your card for the purchase, which can be redeemed for gas. Because of this, if you get the spaghetti and sauce and then donate it, you actually end up with a slight profit in gas savings. The only issue is that there is a maximum of six boxes of spaghetti per customer. A few calls later, and everyone associated with the marching band comes and buys six boxes of spaghetti and some of the sauce, donating it to the dinner, and earning their free gas. My dad is checking out when the manager comes over.)

Manager: “Excuse me, but you’re the tenth person today who has bought just spaghetti and sauce and used the same coupon. May I ask if there’s a reason?”

(My dad explains it, and then with pen and paper does the math to show how it works out. The manager thinks this is great and says they will gladly hang flyers for the dinner, then leaves. But the cashier is gobsmacked.)

Cashier: “Can I take that paper where you did all that math? I want to give it to my kids to show them when they ask why they have to study math in school. Imagine, free gas for spaghetti!”

The Law Is Terrifying

, , , , , | | Learning | May 10, 2019

The current US story about parents buying their kids into colleges reminded me of my days, years ago, as a high school teacher in a small city. One of the students in my class was from a very well-off family and the younger brother of a boy who had been an excellent student. I and his other teachers expected the new member of the family would follow in the same tradition, but it turned out he was just coasting on his brother’s reputation.

One day in his senior year, his science teacher came to me and told me he’d caught the student dead to rights cheating on a test, and asked if I’d had similar problems. I’d had suspicions about some of his essays but nothing I could prove in the days before Internet plagiarism checkers. We weren’t sure what to do next, so we talked to his guidance counselor.

It turned out we weren’t the first to have suspicions. His foreign language teacher was positive he had gotten translations of the work to copy from, and the guidance counselor questioned his SAT scores. When he took the tests at our school his scores were mediocre, but when he took them at another school where he wasn’t known they went up by over 100 points each. The counselor was sure that the student had paid someone to take them for him.

We planned a meeting of all his teachers the next week to decide on a course of action, but on Monday the guidance counselor told us the student was now going to a private school 30 miles away. Not our problem.

The epilogue was that in the spring the young man was accepted into a very good college, not Ivy League but a small step down, later went to law school, and is now an extremely successful attorney with a lucrative practice. I leave it up to you – did we scare him straight or does this say something about lawyers?

Hasn’t Got A Lot On His Plate

, , , , , | | Right | May 9, 2019

(I am the senior member of staff on the evening shift. I’m around 18 years old, but I look a lot younger. Two other colleagues are in their late 20s, but have worked at the cafe for less than three months, so I am the manager for the evening. A customer comes up to us with a completely clear plate.)

Customer: “I’m not happy with these pancakes.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, but it appears you ate them, regardless. If you would like to provide feedback to the chefs, I will be happy to pass it along.”

Customer: “No, I want a new meal and a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that; you have eaten the meal. If you had let me know there was a problem earlier, I would have happily taken them back to the kitchen for you or given you a refund, but you did seem to enjoy the meal enough to eat the whole thing.”

Customer: “No, this is unacceptable. I demand to speak to your manager.”

(My older colleagues are standing behind the service bar at this time and the customer is looking between them, expecting one of them to step forward.)

Me: “I am the manager on duty, so you are speaking to the manager.”

Customer: “No, you’re not the manager.”

Me: “I wouldn’t be allowed to say I was the manager if I wasn’t.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the other manager.”

Me: “There is no other manager. You’re welcome to come back later when my supervisor will be here; however, they won’t be on shift for a few days.” *gives them the date and time*

Customer: “This is unbelievable, letting someone like you be manager! You’re in high school!”

Me: “Regardless of if I am in high school or university, or if I’m a full-time worker here, it doesn’t make me any less the manager. If you would like, I can take your plate.”

Customer: *slams the plate on the bench and walks away*

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