Leonard Is Rolling Over In His Grave

, , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(An older lady calls in to see if we will waive the late fee on her credit card. I see several previous refunds and decide not to refund unless it’s a bank error.)

Old Lady: “I’m afraid I forgot to send the payment. I just lost my husband, and it’s been such a stressful month for me.”

(I start to feel sorry for her and think maybe I can cut her a break. Then, I read the notes on the account more closely.)

Me: “Ma’am, what was your husband’s name?”

Old Lady: *sadly* “It was Leonard.”

Me: “Ma’am, I see that you faxed us Leonard’s death certificate two years ago, so you could remove his name from the account.”

Old Lady: *now indignant* “Well, it doesn’t get any easier!”

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All Hail Wikipedia

, , | Right | June 27, 2008

(A customer comes in, spends 30 minutes browsing games, then proceeds to talk to me for another 45 minutes about whatever. I hint several times for him to leave the store.)

Customer: “Puzzle games are hard… I enjoy Halo way more. Why do you think people want to play puzzles, anyway? And what’s with the word ‘anyway’? Z’s suck.”

Me: “Just a second.”

(At this time, I decide to try something desperate: I go to the computer on the counter and look up “puzzle” on Wikipedia.)

Me: “A puzzle is a problem or enigma that challenges ingenuity. In a basic puzzle one is intended to piece together objects in a logical way in order to come up with the desired shape, picture or solution. Puzzles are–”

Customer: “Okay, I get it.”

Me: “–often contrived as a form of entertainment, but they can also stem from serious mathematical or logistical problems–”

Customer: “Please stop.”

Me: “–in such cases, their successful resolution can be a significant contribution to mathematical resear–”

Customer: “Stop it, you a**. I get it.”

Me: “–ch. Solutions to puzzles may require recognizing patterns and creating a particular order. People with a high inductive reasoning aptitude may be better at solving these–”

Customer: “STOP IT, F***! WHY DON’T YOU F***ING STOP? WHY?!”

Me: “–puzzles than others. Puzzles based on the process of inquiry and discovery to complete may be solved faster by those wi–”

Customer: “FINE, I’LL BUY THIS SONIC GAME! SHUT THE F*** UP, JESUS CHRIST!”

(I scan the game, take his money, and wave him out.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

Puzzle on Wikipedia

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The Inadvertent Thief

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2008

Lady: “Do you sell aloe vera gel?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid we don’t, but you might be able to get it at [Store] down the street.”

Lady: “Oh, great, thanks.”

(She leaves and ten minutes later returns wielding a tube, looking irritated.)

Me: “Hello again, did you manage to find it okay?”

Lady: “No! You told me they had aloe vera gel! All they had is the cream! I don’t want the cream!”

Me: “Um… you didn’t want the cream but you bought it anyway?”

Lady: “No, of course I didn’t BUY–”

(She suddenly stopped and looked at the tube in her hand. Her expression turned to horror and she legged it back out the door. My coworkers and I laughed for a good ten minutes at that one.)

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Back In My Day, We Walked Barefoot, Backwards And Buck Naked

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2008

(Keep in mind that our bookstore only sells books, CDs, and DVDs: no electronics, no rentals, or software.)

Coworker: “Good morning, what can I help you find?”

Old Customer: “I need a keyboard for that computer thing.”

Coworker: “We don’t sell keyboards, I’m sorry. Have you tried [Store] across the parking lot?”

Old Customer: “But I don’t want to go over there! I want to buy it here!”

Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t have any to sell you. We don’t carry computer parts.”

(The customer proceeds to get worked up into a fine fury, face blotched red and pulled up to her full height.)

Old Customer: “Well, I never! In my day, you could walk into any store, anywhere, and by God if they wanted your business they would FIND it for you!” *storms out*

Eavesdropping Manager: “Well, in her day, everything was a general store!”

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We All Feel Your Pain

, , | Right | June 25, 2008

(I am in line to pay for a snack at a local convenience store when an elderly woman comes in and heads right to the front of the line.)

Customer: “My gas tank isn’t filled.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, I’m waiting on these customers right now. If you get in line, I’ll be happy to–”

Customer: “No! Your gas isn’t filling my tank, and I want to know why.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, may I help you?”

Customer: “Your gas doesn’t fill up my tank. I came in with less than half a tank and your gas didn’t even fill it up three-quarters of the way!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll have someone come in and look at the pump you were using. For right now, you’re welcome to go to one of our other pumps and finish filling your tank.”

Employee: *to the manager* “She only prepaid $10…”

Manager: “You prepaid for $10 of gas?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Manager: “And… $10 isn’t… filling your tank….”

Customer: “When my husband, God rest his soul, pumped gas, he used to pay $10 and it would fill up our tank.”

Manager: “When was this?”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! My son-in-law has been pumping my gas since. I’ve given him $10 and it’s filled up my tank every time. You’re trying to take advantage of me because I’m an old woman!”

Manager: “No, ma’am… the price of gas has gone up quite a bit in the last few years… It costs me almost $50 to fill my car–”

Customer: “Don’t give me that! It’s always cost me $10… I’m going right to the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General’s Office!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Sorry about the trouble. Good luck with all that…”

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