Send In The Clowns

, , , | Right | January 27, 2008

(Almost thirty kids are lined up at the Velcro wall waiting to ride. We have about five minutes until our troupe leaves. One of the parents comes up to me.)

Mother: “I want my son to ride this ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think there’s enough time for all these kids to–”

Mother: “I don’t care if he’s the last one. I want him to ride this ride.”

Me: “This ride is going to shut down in about five minutes. There isn’t enough time for–”

Mother: “He can be the last in line, then.”

Me: “He can wait in line but probably won’t be able to–”

Mother: “Fine.”

(The mother walks away and returns some time after the ride is shut down and all kids are turned away.)

Mother: “Hey! HEY! I thought we agreed that my child would get on the ride.”

Me: “That’s not what we agreed to.”

Mother: “Well, put the ride back up so he can ride it.”

Me: “I’m sorry but we can’t do all that for one child.”

Mother: “Why not?! You’re just being f***ing stubborn.”

Me: “If you have any complaints you can speak to the clown over there. Have a nice day.”

Mother: “I don’t want to talk to any d*** clown.”

Me: “That clown is my boss.”

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If Only It Grew On Trees

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2008

(I was doing rebates for cellphones at the time…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Okay, so, I want my rebate.”

Me: “All right, all I need from you is the cellphone number.”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “…you don’t have a cellphone number?”

Customer: “No, but I want my rebate.”

Me: “You do know that in order to receive a rebate, you actually need to purchase a cellphone?”

Customer: “For f*** sakes. You’re telling me that in order to get MY rebate, I need to go out, waste MY gas, and with MY money, buy a cellphone?”

Me: “Well, that would be the general idea of getting a reimbursement on something you had purchased.”

Customer: “But I just want the money back.”

Me: “Well, it’s not like this is free money.”

Customer: “Uh… it’s not?”

Me: “No.”

(After about 20 seconds of silence, the customer hung up.)

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QWERTY Makes Me Go ASDFASDF

, , , | Right | January 25, 2008

Library Patron: “I need some help comparing heating prices.”

Me: “Okay, let me show you a website where you can compare the different gas companies.”

(I lead the patron to computer, and type in the website address.)

Me: “Here you go. Just type in your information.”

Library Patron: *looking at the keyboard* “These letters are all mixed up!”

Me: “Uh, well…”

Library Patron: “Have they always been like this?”

Me: “Only since the 1800s. Here, let me do the typing.”

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PINheaded

, , , | Right | January 23, 2008

Customer: “Hey, somebody painted the wall outside the branch I use!”

Me: “Yes, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, now I don’t know my PIN number!”

Me: “I’m sorry– I’m not sure what that has to do with the wall being painted.”

Customer: “I wrote my PIN number on the wall beside the ATM! NOW what am I supposed to do?!”

Me: “…”

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Being Picky Is An Exact Science

, , , | Right | January 20, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium coffee with twenty seven and a half sugars.”

Me: “I’m sorry, was that… twenty seven and a half?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You’re sure you don’t just want the twenty-eight?”

Customer: “Ewww, gross! That’d be too sweet.”

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