A Wii Bit Of Borderline Arrogance

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2009

Customer: “Do you have any Wiis?”

Me: “No, sir, Wiis are all sold out.”

(Customer pulls out a badge and flashes it briefly.)

Customer: “You sure you don’t have any Wiis?”

Me: “No, sir, no Wiis. What exactly was that badge?”

Customer: “Border Patrol.”

(This being New Hampshire, I have to ask:)

Me: “Which border?”

Customer: “Canadian.”

(Customer walks away with a self-important air.)

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So Stupid I Almost Painted

, , , | Right | August 17, 2009

Customer: “I need some paint.”

Me: “No problem, let me show you our selection.”

(After taking her time picking out colors from all the swatches we have.)

Customer: “I want these two colors mixed. I’m going to be painting stripes.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Let me mix it up for you. Would you like a gallon of each or a different size? Also, would you like some painters tape and a couple of brushes?”

Customer: “I only need one brush and I don’t need any painters tape, because you are going to mix the two colors.”

Me: “You want me to mix the two colors?”

Customer: “Yes, so I can just buy one gallon and paint stripes.”

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Land Of The Free, Home Of The Naive

, , | Right | August 14, 2009

(I get a call from a new renter with whom I had signed a lease contract with the previous night.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Apartments]! How may I help you?”

Renter: “My name is [Renter] and I just signed the lease last night. I want to cancel it.”

Me: “Cancel? I’m sorry, but the lease is a binding contract between yourself and the management company, as we discussed.”

Renter: “What?! I don’t want it! Just cancel it!”

Me: “Well, there are some options. We can try to rent the apartment to another tenant to end your lease early, or, if you happen to qualify for a job or military transfer–”

Renter: “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I can’t believe that in the United States of America, I can sign a legal document, and not get out of it!” *hangs up*

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Some (Don’t Really) Like It Hot

, , , | Right | August 12, 2009

(I’m waiting on a table of fourteen in the middle of the lunch rush. The customer I am speaking to is the first order I take at the table.)

Customer: “…oh, and I need some of that spicy salsa y’all have.”

(I tell the customer I’ll get that right out and proceed to take the rest of the table’s order.)

Customer: “I thought I asked you for spicy salsa?”

Me: “I haven’t left the table, sir.”

Customer: “Then how do you expect the salsa to get here? Magic?”

Me: “I was taking the rest of your party’s order, sir. I’ll go get the salsa right now.”

Customer: “And will you find out how long until our food comes out?”

Me: “Sir, I haven’t put in the order yet, because I just finished taking it.”

Customer: “Is this your first day or something?”

Me: “No, sir, I’ve been working here since we opened three years ago.”

(As I am walking back to the kitchen, another table flags me down, ready to order. The same customer gets up from his table and taps me on the shoulder while I am talking to this table.)

Customer: “I don’t know how long I am supposed to wait for the d*** spicy salsa.”

Me: “Sir, as soon as I take this table’s order I will literally walk into the cooler and get you some spicy salsa.”

(I immediately bring him the salsa, and am returning to the computer to put in the orders. He walks across the restaurant and stares at me.)

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Customer: “This salsa is too spicy.”

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Misunderstanding The Great Melting Pot

, , , | Right | August 12, 2009

Me: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

Customer: “Can I get some breadsticks?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have breadsticks.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I get… what was it called? Chow mein?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t serve chow mein. We have something like that called yaki udon, though.”

Customer: “What? Why don’t you have chow mein?”

Me: “That is a Chinese dish and this is a Japanese restaurant.”

Customer: “They’re different?!”


This story was included in our Chinese Restaurant Roundup.

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