Quantity Does Not Equal Quality

, , , | Right | March 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, could you send me one of your free connection CDs?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I pull up her account and see that she’s already ordered 50 copies.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? It seems you’ve already requested several CDs. Is there a reason you need another?”

Customer: “Well, yes! I used up the other CDs already.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can re-use the CDs. Have you been throwing them away?”

Customer: “No. I put them into the little slot and they just slide in, and the computer keeps them. I thought it was like a bus ticket!”

(I recommended that she go to a local repair shop. They, in turn, removed almost 100 CDs from the inside of her case.)

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Honk Twice For Bird Barrage

, , , | Right | March 16, 2009

(I work at a call center for truck drivers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the service center. My name is [My Name]. Are you experiencing a breakdown?”

Trucker: “Yeah, I need a new windshield.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What happened to your current windshield?”

Trucker: “A bird went through it.”

Me: “All right, a bird hit your windshield and cracked it, correct?”

Trucker: “No, the bird went THROUGH the windshield. It’s sitting in the passenger seat now and the windshield has a hole in it.”

Me: “So, what kind of bird is it?”

Trucker: “… a dead one.”

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Those Pesky Survival Instincts

, , , | Right | March 16, 2009

Me: “Thank you for coming to [National Park]. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The animals are wild.”

Customer: “All of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away*

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Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche

, , , | Right | March 12, 2009

(A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.)

Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So, I don’t have to pay, right?”

Me: “No, you still have to pay.”

Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!”

Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?”

Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?”

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You Can Never Be Too Careful

, , | Right | March 12, 2009

Young Girl: *about six years old* “Hi. I need a table for four, please.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”

Girl: *screaming* “STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!”

(The mom, dad, and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.)

Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Young Girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!”

Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.”

Young Girl: “Oh…”

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