Even Rabbits Go Through Bad Patches

, , | Right | January 12, 2010

Customer: “Where can I find your carrot tops?”

Me: “We don’t sell carrot tops, but you can buy the whole carrot.”

Customer: “But I need to feed my rabbit her carrot tops!”

Me: “If people buy carrots, would you like me to ask them if they’d like their carrot tops cut off, and I can save them for you?”

Customer: “Oh, that’d be lovely! I’ll come back next week after her therapy session. Her therapist thinks she has an anxiety disorder.”

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They Don’t Call Her Dumblesnore For Nothing

, , , , | Right | January 7, 2010

(Someone has been sleeping on a chair poolside for many hours. It’s routine to wake a customer if they’re getting too badly burned.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss? You must wake up. You are getting badly sunburned.”

Customer: *sleepily* “Where am I? Is this Hogwarts?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Narnia?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “Camp Half-Blood?”

Me: “Not even close.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, s***, then.”

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Thou Shalt Not Wear Boot Cut

, , , , | Right | January 6, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. These jeans just don’t seem to fit right.”

Me: “Well, these are men’s jeans. We have plenty of women’s jeans over here, in the women’s department. Is there a size I can help you find?”

Customer: “You mean I just tried on men’s jeans?” *horrified look*

Me: “Yes, ma’am. These are men’s jeans. This is the men’s department.”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! The Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes! I’m going to Hell!”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. You didn’t know. God won’t be angry.”

Customer: “That’s what you think. You obviously don’t know God, then.” *storms off*

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Aches On A Brain

, , , | Right | January 6, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for a DVD. My father told me I had to rent it.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what the movie was called?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did he say what actor or actress was featured in the film?”

Customer: “Samuel something.”

Me: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

Customer: “Yeah. Him.”

Me: “Did he happen to mention what the movie was about?”

Customer: “Um… Snakes… on a Plane.”

(I walk the customer over to the movie ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and hand it to her.)

Customer: “I don’t think this is it.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the only movie I have with Samuel L. Jackson in it about snakes on a plane.”

Customer: “Hmm…  and this is about snakes on a plane?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The customer puts the movie back on shelf.)

Customer: “I just don’t think this is it.”

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Rain Drops Keep Falling On My (Thick) Head

, , , | Right | December 31, 2009

(I am working the drive-thru. It is raining heavily.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food Place]; how can I help you?”

(All I hear is the rain falling, so I repeat several times until the customer finally pulls around.)

Customer: “Did you get my order?”

Me: “No, I didn’t hear you say anything, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I didn’t want rain to get in my car. I wasn’t sure if you could hear me through my window.”

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