Lean And Mean

, , , , , , | Working | January 17, 2020

(I am on a business trip to New York. At my suggestion, our group goes to a famous NYC deli for dinner, a place known for their pastrami and for their brusque staff. When the waitress comes over to get our order, this conversation ensues:)

Me: “I’ll have a pastrami sandwich, lean, and—”

Waitress: “Have you ever been here before?”

Me: “No, but I’ve been to other delis.”

Waitress: “It’s just that here, ordering the pastrami lean is considered a cardinal sin. I mean, if you want to take away all the fat and have something like jerky…”

Me: *smiling* “Okay, do it your way.”

Waitress: *mimes cracking a whip at me*

(Later on:)

Waitress: “I try to be nice to people, but sometimes I have to be a b****, and that can get me in trouble.”

Me: “Wait, isn’t being nice against company policy?”

Waitress: “Oh, I wouldn’t get in trouble with my boss…”

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Unable To “Let It Go”

, , , | Right | January 17, 2020

(It’s the opening weekend of “Frozen II,” and we are being absolutely slammed. Management and corporate have forced us to cancel about half of our other movies in order to add more showtimes for the film, and they are all selling out. Our usher is so swamped cleaning so many disgustingly messy “Frozen II” theaters that he literally had a panic attack. Box office lines are going out the front door and spilling into the parking lot the entire day. And so many people are coming through concession so quickly that even with extra staff called in and an extra popcorn popper running, the concession staff can’t make popcorn fast enough to keep up with the demand, so there’s a wait on popcorn. It’s absolute chaos. I’m coming in for my mid-shift. I’ve literally just walked in the front door and haven’t even had a chance to clock on yet when someone runs up to me screaming…)

Customer: “YOU G**D*** PIECE OF S***! YOU’D BETTER F****** FIX THIS NOW!”

(I’m absolutely shocked, as this came out of nowhere and I don’t even know what’s happening.)

Me: “Um… I, um… I don’t know…”

Customer: “PIECE OF S*** C***SUCKER MOTHERF*****, DO YOUR F****** JOB, A**HOLE!”

Me: *honestly frightened* “Sir, I… I literally just got here, and I’m not even clocked in. I don’t even know what the problem is.”

Customer: “YOU F****** LIAR, SACK OF S***!”

(He literally stands there for a full minute while I wait for my shift to start so I can clock on, screaming every obscenity I’ve ever heard at me. I clock in and literally run into the back, with him trailing behind me screaming the entire time. I manage to go into the employee break-room and slam the door behind me. My manager is inside, shaking her head.)

Me: *frustrated* “I don’t know what the h*** happened, but some guy is out there losing his mind.”

Manager: “Oh, I know. That’s why I came back here. I couldn’t deal with it after five minutes.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Manager: “He bought tickets for Frozen II for the wrong theater, and got mad we wouldn’t let him in for free here — which we can’t even do, because all the showtimes are sold out, anyway.”

(I went out only to be screamed at some more before he finally left around ten minutes later. And that set the mood for the entire day. I’ve never been yelled at or berated as many times as I was that day.)

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Chocolate Makes The Meeting Go Round  

, , , , , , , , | Working | January 16, 2020

(I work in a bank. We have an annual mandatory training meeting, and this year it is scheduled on my day off, so I have to drive into work for an hour. Two days before the MANDATORY meeting:)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], you’re coming to the meeting, right?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Coworker #2: *twenty minutes later* “Are you going to come to the meeting on Saturday?”

Me: “Yes, I’m coming.”

Coworker #3: “What is your favorite flavor of cake? I’m thinking of making one for our potluck next week.”

Me: “I like chocolate cake, but you should ask our other coworkers because most of them don’t really care for chocolate.”

Coworker #3: “Okay, thanks, I’ll make chocolate. You are coming to the meeting on Saturday, right?”

Me: *super confused about why I keep getting asked about whether I will come to a mandatory meeting* “Yes.”

(Thirty minutes before the mandatory meeting starts:)

Supervisor: *texts me* “Hey, [My Name], are you going to come to the meeting today?”

Me: *wondering if the mandatory meeting suddenly became optional* “Yes, I am on my way.”

(When I got to the bank, I could see everybody in the lobby staring at me as I walked up. I started to panic, thinking I got the time wrong, and walked in. As soon as I got in the door, everybody started singing “Happy Birthday.” There was a chocolate cake on one of the desks. My birthday was a few days away, but I hadn’t really talked to anyone about it, so I was totally shocked. My coworkers said my face went completely purple, and they were so happy they’d surprised me. Then, we started the meeting. I have awesome coworkers.)

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Very Difficult To Balance The Books

, , , , , | Right | January 16, 2020

I take care of lost and damaged books in our library.

When a patron loses or damages a book, they can either buy a new copy themselves and bring it to us or we can buy a new copy and then send them an invoice.

One patron, in particular, has been a big problem. She borrowed six books that were very, very late. After months of trying to reach her by email, phone, and physical letters, she finally brought five of the books back. Those books were all very damaged — torn pages and covers, some coffee spills inside, scribblings everywhere, etc. We knew for sure that she was the one responsible because those were all new books and she was the first patron to borrow them.

We told her that she would have to bring back the last book she still had and that she would have to pay for all the damaged book,s as well as the late fee.

She finally did pay her invoice, after months of constant reminders once again.

She still hadn’t brought back her last book, though. But she finally did bring it back, weeks after paying her first invoice, this one also very damaged.

So, I told her that once again, she would have to pay for it. She then sent me an email saying the following :

“Dear Madam,

This book is actually written by a group that has it available for free on their website. To avoid cutting down more trees and to do something for our planet, I suggest you could put the PDF on your catalog instead of making me buy a new copy.”

Obviously, I’m going to send her an email back saying that even if we decide to take the PDF instead of buying a physical copy, she still has to pay for the book she damaged. But I am just baffled at the nerve she has. If she cares so much about trees, then maybe she should take care of the books she borrows.

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Because A Bandage Can Totally Fix A Mild Traumatic Brain Injury

, , , , , , | Working | January 15, 2020

(My boss refuses to believe employees who say they’re injured. We are working together in a small space with several obstacles, and he accidentally bumps me sideways, causing my head to bounce off a steel beam. After I regain consciousness about thirty seconds later, I slowly get to my feet, still dazed and bleeding.)

Me: “Boss, I’m taking the rest of today off and going to a doctor to be checked out.”

Boss: “No, you’re not. Go wash yourself up and slap on a bandage, and then get back in here.”

Me: “Not happening.”

Boss: “You’re being insubordinate. Do what I tell you.” 

(I walk out, wash off the blood from my forehead, bandage it up, and then go straight to HR to report what happened before heading for the doctor’s office. Luckily, it’s only a “mild” concussion. I take three days off and come back to work.)

Boss: “You disobeyed my orders. Sign this writeup.”

(I snatched the writeup from his hands and stalked off to HR again, showing them the unsigned writeup and mentioning a few things like “unsafe work environment” and “OSHA regulations.” The writeup was thrown out and my boss was demoted and transferred.)

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