So Not Engaging In This Nonsense

, , , , , | Romantic | May 18, 2020

I’m a woman doing my weekly grocery shop, wearing a T-shirt with a character from a popular webcomic. A man steps in front of me — ignoring the social distancing guidelines of two metres — and starts talking to me.

Man: “Hi there! I like your shirt.”

I move away from him.

Me: “Thank you.”

Man: “Would you like to get coffee or something sometime?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Man: “Why not?”

Me: “I’m engaged.”

Man: “Oh, really?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “I don’t see a ring.”

Me: “As it happens, my fiancee asked me to marry her about two months ago. We planned to visit my parents to tell them in person and collect my deceased grandmother’s engagement ring from their safety deposit box for me to wear. Obviously, that’s not possible right now.”

Man: “You could have just said you’re a lesbian instead of wasting my time.”

Me: “And you could have just accepted ‘no, thank you’ right off the bat, but here we are.”

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The “Splash Zone” Crone

, , , , , | Right | May 18, 2020

This happened about ten years ago, when I worked for a national electronics retailer who has since gone out of business. 

I was a shift supervisor and the only one on site on this shift with refund authority.

I had been assisting at our front register, having been summoned by one of the less technical members of staff, and had just concluded testing a customer’s item, so I had one of the store multimeters on the table.

A new customer approached, wanting a refund on a “faulty” universal power supply they had bought recently. We’d had a lot of returns recently and my directive from the store manager was to aim for store credit when there was no fault with the item being returned.

I had the test kit in front of me, fired everything up and, lo and behold, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the PSU. I explained this to the customer, and told her that I would happily give her store credit or exchange for other goods, but I was not prepared to refund the item just because the item she wanted to power was broken.

She, perhaps quite understandably, wasn’t happy with the outcomes I was offering, but how she responded beggars belief.

After arguing for a few moments, she turned and checked behind herself, saw a child — who, based on what happened next, I assumed was with her, but turned out to belong to another customer who was queueing at the register — and pointed to one side of herself in a “stand there where I can see you” kind of way. She then threw herself to one side, colliding with a display unit, dislodging stock, and nearly pulling the shelf down on top of her.

She then demanded I complete an accident report, which I was going to do anyway, and insisted on adding her own comments about how our displays were hazardous and occluding the standing area around the register. They weren’t.

The customer to whom the child belonged was outraged but kept his composure while he was assisted by one of my colleagues.

Eventually, the mad woman left, and I called the store manager at home to explain what had happened.

The next day, we reviewed the CCTV together and it was incredibly obvious that she’d moved the child out of the “splash zone” before deliberately falling over nothing and colliding with the display.

We contacted the head office, who sent someone from the liability team to take copies of the CCTV. When he turned up and reviewed the footage, he laughed at how obvious her actions were and said that any claim she might submit would be thrown out.

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Leaving Your Kids In One Social Service, Ending Up In Another

, , , , , , , | Right | May 17, 2020

Connecticut state law prohibits leaving any children under the age of twelve alone in public places. There has to be an adult, eighteen or older, with them. It continues to stun my colleagues and me, even in this day and age, that parents don’t think twice about literally abandoning their kids in a big room filled with people they don’t know.

I work in a library. A mother and seven children, approximately nine years to twelve months, come to the children’s department. Then, the mother turns on her heel and prepares to leave. My boss sees her and runs after her.

Boss: “Ma’am, you cannot leave your children here. You need to stay with them or take them with you. We are not babysitters.”

Mother: “No hablo inglés.”

My boss repeats everything she just said in Spanish. The mother stares at her and shrugs, coming back inside.

We go about our work and things are peaceful until we catch two of the kids with a very large stuffed animal that is our library mascot. One child has found a hole in a seam — which has been stitched over many time —  and is digging the stuffing out. The other child is trying to put the next to the youngest ON the animal.

My boss steps in before any of us can say anything and asks where their mother is. The kids, who had been shouting at one another in perfect English, suddenly cannot speak ANY language.

My boss realizes that ALL seven children are also sick and the baby is the worst. He has thrown up in a corner. Oh, joy.

She goes looking for the mother and finds her in a faraway part of the library where she is holding court with her friends and our security guard, who seems to know her. My boss heads to the guard and says:

Boss: “Hi, [Guard], I’m going to need your help. Someone abandoned seven kids in my department.”

The mother is looking smug because she thinks she got away with something, as my boss is pretending not to know who she is.  

Boss: “All seven kids are very sick, sneezing and coughing, and at least one of them has vomited all over himself. As you know, protocol says I have to ask you to call the police since they are clearly abandoned and are all sick. They need to be taken to Social Services and—”

She doesn’t get any further as, suddenly, Mom speaks perfect English, too.

Mother: “Those are my kids! You can’t call the police!”

Boss: “Well, I will, if you are not down there with them to stay in the next thirty seconds, and yes, I can call the police and I will if you ever do something like that again.”

The mother tore back to the children’s department and dragged all her kids off, but not before they had wiped their noses on our mascot and coughed on all of us and the baby had tossed his cookies again.

We were all sick within the week, but we never saw the mother or her kids again. My boss said later that she wished she could have called the police, but at the time, we weren’t supposed to call the police for anything but people having violent altercations or stumbling about in drunken stupors.

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Get Behind Me, School Supplies!

, , , , , , | Right | May 16, 2020

We are nearing the beginning of the school year and I have a lady come up who is just livid — not with me or the store, but with the school.

Customer: “This is just stupid! Get this! I am paying for my child to go to [Private School], it costs a fortune, and they’re making me buy school supplies! This is just stupid!”

I finish ringing up her order. I look at the total and then look back to her.

Me: “This wouldn’t happen to be a Catholic School, would it?”

Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “Well, your total is… $6.66.”

The customer stares for a moment and then laughs.

Customer: “I think I need to buy a candy bar now.”

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Refunder Blunder, Part 45

, , , , , | Right | May 15, 2020

I work in the dispute department for a credit card company. The amount of people who think that they don’t have to give a product back to get their money back is astounding.

Me: “Disputes, this is [My Name].”

Customer: “Yeah, I bought the wrong item from this merchant and I just want my money back.”

Me: “Not a problem, [Cardholder]. Have you returned the item to the merchant?”

Customer: “No. Why would I need to do that?”

Me: “Well, [Cardholder], the only way that we can file a dispute is if the merchant is refusing to refund your money after they get their product back.”

Customer: “Well, if I give them their product back I won’t have any leverage to get my refund.”

Me: *Dies inside*

Refunder Blunder, Part 44
Refunder Blunder, Part 43
Refunder Blunder, Part 42

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