Pride Goeth Before A Rental

, , | | Right | February 26, 2008

(I have a reputation of knowing good movies. Some customers get into the habit of just coming in and asking me what they should watch… especially when they want to seem intellectual. One customer is an a** one day so I give him a Russian movie that is slow, boring, and pretentious. He returns the movie about a week later.)

Me: “How’d you like it?”

Customer: “Man, you dropped the ball on this one. It sucked. Took me three nights to get through it. I kept falling asleep. I hate to have to pay this much money for it.”

Me: “Wow, I’m surprised. I don’t recommend it to a lot of people because I don’t think they’ll catch the subtle subtext in the imagery.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah… The meat of the story is really in the shot composition, the use of color, and the things that remain unsaid. It gets past a lot of people but I thought you would have caught that and enjoyed the message.”

Customer: “You know, don’t check that in yet. I’ll take it back and watch it again.”

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Stupidity Exemplified

, , | | Right | February 24, 2008

(I was working in the seasonal section of a large bulk retail chain. It was Christmas time and we sold large sets of decorative houses with lights in them.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to purchase one of these…” *points to a house set* “…but there aren’t anymore underneath it. Where are the others stored?””

(I use my price gun to check the quantities of said item.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it appears we are sold out.”

Customer: “Well, then, I’ll just take this one.” *points to the display unit*

Me: “Oh, that’s just a display unit. That one isn’t for sale.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “This is one of those specific items that we are given a temporary display unit from the vendor that we have to send back at the end of the season.”

Customer: “So why can’t I buy it?”

Me: “Well, it’s not ours to sell. It is rented from the people who made the set.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why I can’t buy it!”

Me: “It does not belong to us. We cannot sell what does not belong to us.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “What kind of car do you drive?”

Customer: “A 2000 Focus. Why?”

Me: *to a passing customer* “Sir, would you like to buy a 2000 Focus?”

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Selling your car.”

Customer: “Why? It’s MY car!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t think ownership made a difference to you.”

(She then stormed off to talk to a manager who told her I would be taken care of. He then proceeded to buy me a piece of pizza for making his day.)

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As Dumb As You Look

, , | | Right | February 23, 2008

(I work the door sometimes at a local bar, and it normally goes as follows:)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Girl #1: “Yeah, sure. Here it is.”

Me: “Thanks, hmm… This doesn’t look like you.”

Girl #1: “Well, you can ask me anything on it. I know all of it.”

(I ask her friend that is trying to come in with her.)

Me: “Okay, what’s her name?”

Girl #2: “Umm…”

Me: “Thought so.” *handing back her ID* “You have a nice night, and maybe pay for your fake next time.”

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The Birds And The Bees Talk, Illustrated

, , , , | | Right | February 17, 2008

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”

Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”

Customer: “Yeah, that!”

(The customer suddenly realizes what she said.)

Customer: “OH!”

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Nonsensical Hypotheticals

, , , | | Right | February 17, 2008

(The customer has pulled up the the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

Me: *dumbfounded*

Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

(The customer speeds off.)

Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”

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