If You Can’t Bear Them, Join Them

, , , , , , , | Right | January 28, 2010

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I like that little teddy bear with the sweater. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the teddy bear comes with this gift set of fragrance and body wash. It’s $30.”

Customer: “No. Just the bear.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I have no way to just ring up the bear as it comes with the gift set only.”

Customer: “Then how do I get the bear?”

Me: “Well, you would have to buy this gift set. It’s very popular and only $30.”

Customer: “No, thank you. I’ll just take the bear today. How much?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do have a good deal for the holidays. I can sell you the bear, for only $30, and not only that, but I will throw in this fragrance gift set, just for you.”

Customer: “Thank you so very much, dear!”

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Almost Makes You Want To Re-Tire

, , | Right | January 27, 2010

Customer: “They charged me $110 for working on my car?!”

Me: “What did you have done?”

Customer: “I just came because the car said service was needed on the car.”

Me: “Yes, you got an oil change and tire rotation, state inspection, and a car wash.”

Customer: “Tire rotation? Aren’t they always, like, rotating as I drive?”

Me: “Yes, but the tires are removed and swapped; the tires on the rear are moved to the front, and the fronts to the rear. It’s to help the tires wear out evenly.”

Customer: “They wear out?”

Me: “Eventually, yes. They do.”

Customer: “Why?”

(I try to describe traction, friction, and the breakdown of soft compounds like tire tread over concrete.)

Customer: *blank stare* “Isn’t my car pretty?”

(As the customer leaves, they pull on the door about three times before they see the push sign.)

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The Devil Is In The Pre-Sales

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m working at the hotel on Christmas Day.)

Customer: *to husband* “See that girl there? She must be one of those devil worshipers! Why else would she be here on the day of Christ’s birth?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Who do you worship? Why are you working on Christmas? You worship the devil!”

Me: “Actually, I’m working because I don’t have any children. A lot of the other employees do so they’re home with their families.”

Customer: “Who do you worship?”

Me: “I’m a Christian.”

Customer: “DO NOT LIE! GOD WILL STRIKE YOU! GOD KNOWS ALL!”

Husband: *laughing* “Yes, just like Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.”

Customer: “Santa has NOTHING to do with Christ. You’ll offend them both!”

 

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Welcome To B.C. Bookstores

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Girlfriend: “Which one?”

Boyfriend: “War.”

Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”

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A Very Electric Blender

, , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to sell this.” *hands me a blender*

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look. Does it work?”

Customer: “Yep, it works great.”

(I proceed to test the blender. I plug it in and a huge spark jumps from the plug and the fuse blows. I unplug the blender and pick it up to try it in another plug. I notice a puddle under the blender.)

Me: “Where is this water coming from?”

Customer: “Oh… well, I put it through the dishwasher. Maybe it wasn’t completely dry yet.”

Me: “Putting the blender jar into the dishwasher shouldn’t make that much of a mess.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I put the whole thing in the dishwasher. I wanted the base to be clean, too.”

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