Back In My Day, Pills Fell Like Mana From The Heavens

, , , | | Right | March 13, 2008

(I was cashiering the closing shift on a Sunday night. The pharmacy closes earlier than the rest of the store on weekends. A customer comes in at 9:30pm.)

Customer: “Oh sh*t! The pharmacy is closed?!”

Me: “Yes, they close at 6pm on weekends. They will open again at 8am tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “But I need a prescription filled.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the pharmacist will not be here until 8am tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Can’t you do it?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “I’m not a pharmacist.”

Customer: “Don’t be a smart a**!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Only a pharmacist can fill your prescription.”

Customer: “What is this world coming to?!” *storms out*

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Crap, I Got Spawn Of Gorgoroth

, , , | | Right | March 12, 2008

(I work at an store that sells teaching materials. A guy comes in. Keep in mind I was the only person in the store at the time.)

Me: “Hello! Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to get an algebra book for my nephew.”

Me: “Okay.

(I show him the algebra books, and we make small talk about his nephew…)

Customer: “I can see the divine light in you.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I went up to the mountain and Jesus burned the sins out of me. I couldn’t see anything except fire. Now I can see the divine light in people. You have it. You are pure and innocent.”

Me: *trying not to be completely freaked out* “Huh…heh…”

Customer: “I can see it…you are immortal!”

Me: “Okay…”

(Later, when my boss came back and I told her about this, she laughed and told me that according to this guy she was a Demon Slayer. I felt kind of gypped.)

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He Wants The Google

, , , , | | Right | March 7, 2008

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy a Google. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, sir, you would have to buy an Internet connection, like our DSL, to–”

(He cuts me off.)

Customer: “I don’t want to buy your f****** DSL! I want Google. My friend told me it’s the best, so I want that!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Google is a search engine; you really need to buy a connection package first to–”

(He cuts me off again.)

Customer: “I want Google! Are you listening to me? GOOGLE! HOW MUCH IS IT?”

Me: *innocently* “Oh, my guess would be a few billion, sir.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I agree. However, if you buy our DSL package for [price], you can use Google all you want and it’ll be free!

Customer: “Really? Then why would anyone ever be stupid enough to want to buy Google?”

Me: “Beats me, sir.”

 

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This Little Piggy Went To H*ll

, , , , | | Right | March 6, 2008

Me: “Can I help you?”

Teacher: “Yes, I’ve forgotten my password and would like you to retrieve it for me.”

(ID Verification stuff…)

Me: “Alright, just a moment. Okay, ma’am. Your password is…”

Teacher: *apparently remembering at the last minute* “Oh, no…”

Me: “Piggly…Wiggly…F**ker.”

Teacher: *sheepishly* “Yeah…thank you.”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

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Customer To The Rescue

, , , , | | Right | March 4, 2008

(I am currently working in the electronics section of a discount superstore when I am approached by a customer, which is surprising since the state is being hit by a significantly large ice storm.)

Customer #1: “Hi, I’d like to pick up my pictures.”

Me: “Hmm… it seems they aren’t in yet. When did you send them out?”

Customer #1: *very angry* “They were supposed to be in today!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the lab where they are processed is hours away and it’s too dangerous for the drivers to be out on the roads today.”

Customer #1: “Well, I made it. How come they can’t?”

Me: “Sir, you live on the street behind the building, which is a much shorter and safer distance compared to the over 120 miles the driver would have to drive, especially on roads that not even emergency vehicles won’t go onto.”

Customer #1: “I was told my pictures were going to be back today, and I want them today!”

(I’m about to apologize to the man but am beaten to the punch by the customer behind him…)

Customer #2: “Yeah! You guys should have dog sleds on the side just in case.”

Customer #1: “Don’t be ridiculous!”

Customer #2: *in a very apologetic tone* “I’m sorry, I thought it was my turn to make insane demands.”

Customer #1: *storms off talking to the air about how rude people are*

Customer #2: “That was fun!” *walks away*

(Unfortunately, I never got to thank that second customer. Wherever you are, [Customer #2], thank you.)

 

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