Got Her Quirkiness Down Pat

, , , , , | | Right | May 22, 2019

(I am assisting one of our regular elderly customers in trying to find a product for her pet.)

Me: “I don’t think we have any more of these pet wipes, but it can’t hurt to check…”

Regular: “Oh, hello, doggie! Aren’t you handsome!”

(Our charity shop is pet-friendly, but there is an assistance dog working beside his owner, complete with a harness emblazoned with, “ASSISTANCE DOG — DO NOT PET.” The owner, another regular customer, looks a bit uncomfortable and sick of this kind of thing, so I jump in to prevent a dispute.)

Me: “You know, [Regular], that dog’s working, so you basically just did the same as going up to a police officer and patting him on the head!”

Regular: “Oh, I have no problems doing that all the time, love!”

Me: “You know, [Regular], I believe that. I really do.”

Don’t Do The Crime If You Don’t Know The Bus Time

, , , , , , , | | Legal | May 20, 2019

This story was told to me by my fiancé who worked at the store at the time. Police arrived at [Trade Store] and asked [Fiancé] about two customers he’d served the day before. Apparently, these two were suspected of stealing several power tools the previous night.

The thieves had parked out of view of the cameras and seemed to know where other cameras were while they ransacked the place. Police said they’d investigate, but given the low amount of evidence, the thieves would likely get away.

But the thieves got greedy. They went back! I guess it’s more lucrative to sell items as new with boxes, so the thieves actually came back and took the boxes they’d originally left behind. Again, they parked away from the cameras. The store is in a small, rural town so there isn’t much traffic… except for buses.

As the thieves pulled away, a bus passed them. This was all captured on the CCTV. The police contacted the bus depot, found the bus that went by that night, grabbed its dashcam, and found the registration number of the car that the thieves had driven and the address of the car’s owner.

Police went to the address and found the thieves surrounded by their stolen items — from more than just [Trade Store].

The store has since increased the number and position of cameras.

No No No Problem

, , , , , | | Right | May 20, 2019

(I work at a card store in the mall that has a rewards card program. It’s free and employees don’t get anything if we sign someone up, so we never push it. We ask at checkout if they have a rewards card, and that’s it. Still, often times people feel compelled to tell me a really long story about why they don’t have, want, or need one. A customer comes up to the register and I guess he’s decided that I’m going to try to push the rewards card on him. He puts his cards on the counter and I start to ask him if he found everything okay, but he cuts me off and says:)

Customer: “I’m going to say no to everything you ask me.”

(I can tell that he’s trying to be funny, but I have legitimate questions I need to ask. I smile and as I ring him up I say:)

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry, but there are some things I have to ask you; it’s just company policy. Do you have a–“ (“–rewards card?”)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you like–“ (“–seals?” They’re these free stickers we give out that go on the back of the cards.)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you–“ (“–need envelopes?” since he’s brought up two cards without their envelopes.)

Customer: “No.”

(He gets a big smile as he’s cutting me off and I’m starting to get a little annoyed now, but I tell him his total and he gives me cash. Then I say:)

Me: “Do you–“ (“–need a bag?”)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you–“ (“–like a receipt?”)

Customer: “No.”

(I’m tired of his little game, so I instead of just giving it to him, I ask:)

Me: “Do you–“ (“–want your change?”)

Customer: “No.”

(He’s standing there with his un-bagged cards with two envelopes missing as I take his receipt and put it on the stack of unwanted ones.)

Me: “Okay, have a great day!”

(His big smile is gone. He looks at his cards, looks at me, and says:)

Customer: “Um, where’s my change?”

(I haven’t actually closed the register all the way because I figured this would happen. As I get him his change, I say:)

Me: “Sorry, I tried to ask if you wanted it, but you said no.”

(We stand there in silence for a moment. Then, with an annoyed little huff, he says:)

Customer: “Are you going to bag them?”

Me: “I’d be happy to. I thought you didn’t want one since you said no when I asked.”

(He goes on to ask for envelopes, his receipt, and even seals, getting more and more irritated each time I cheerfully explain that he said no. Once he’s finally got everything, he heads for the door. There is a woman browsing near the exit, who I guess is with him because as he walks up she stops browsing and leaves with him. I hear him tell her:)

Customer: “That girl at the register has no idea what she’s doing.”

Finish The Endgame Before Phase Parenting Starts

, , , , , | | Related | May 20, 2019

(This goes down on my family’s WhatsApp group while one of my sisters is heavily pregnant with her first child, and shortly after the last movie in a long-running franchise is released:)

Sister #1: “I started having regular contractions about half an hour ago, so we’re going to the hospital to check now.”

Sister #2: “Did you get to see Avengers beforehand?”

Bringing Professionalism To Its Knees

, , , , , , | | Healthy | May 20, 2019

(I’m a young adult woman about to have my first gynaecological examination. I have no idea what I’m doing, so my doctor is walking me through it step by step. For reference, the examination table is quite narrow to allow for easy movement around it.)

Doctor: “We need you to lie back on the table with your feet at the end, and then spread your knees. Keep your feet together. Then cover yourself with the towel and let me know you’re ready.”

(She turns away to put on gloves, and I have a moment of doubt.)

Me: “Uh, how far apart do you want my knees?”

Doctor: “As far as you can.”

(I shrug and obey, following her instructions. A moment later, the doctor turns back around and I get to enjoy a moment of bug-eyed shock before professionalism covers it.)

Me: “I used to be a gymnast.”

Doctor: “Maybe not quite that far, [My Name].”

(I had dropped my knees below the level of the table with no effort or strain. Turned out she wanted something closer to a 90-degree angle. It did teach her to be more specific with instructions in the future, though!)

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