Don’t You Know Who I Am? A Philosophical Quandary

, , , | | Right | July 18, 2019

(In the Netherlands, the “customer is always right” policy isn’t as strongly abided by as in the USA, and as a result, an employee can occasionally be rather frank toward customers. Essentially, employees aren’t about going above and beyond for every customer, but rather are encouraged to keep a shop running smoothly. Employees may occasionally bend the rules to be nice if you’re being nice to them, but if you’re mean, they are encouraged to stonewall you or simply refuse service, to keep the atmosphere of the store as a whole as positive as possible. I am working in the kitchen of a restaurant, just bringing some cleaned glasses to the counter, when I see a small line of people at the counter. About third in line is a visibly annoyed American woman who sees me and calls me over.)

Customer: “You! This service here is terrible. Come here!”

(I walk over.)

Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a—” *starts giving her order, but I just stand there listening to her, which seems to set her off more* “Well? What are you waiting for?!”

Me: “Well, I work in the kitchen, not at the counter. While it is nice to know what you’ll be ordering, it really isn’t something I can help you with. But no worries; you’re almost at the front and my colleagues will be happy to help you when it’s your turn.”

Customer: “Well, I have never been treated this poorly by any establishment! Do you know who I am?”

Me: “Not a clue. Do you know who I am?”

Customer: “I… What?”

Me: “Well, maybe we know each other and I just forgot. How do we know each other?”

Customer: “I have no clue who you are, but that—”

Me: “Well, then I guess we’re even! My colleagues will help you as soon as it’s your turn. Enjoy your meal!”

(And with that, I walked back to the kitchen. When the woman complained about me at the counter, my colleagues simply said that I was right, and audibly remarked among each other that people who attempt to skip the line are rude and annoying to deal with, while never really accusing her. My manager did tell me to hold back on the cheekiness a little, though.)

Nailed It!

, , , , | | Right | July 18, 2019

I was in line behind a man and a boy who looked about five.

The cashier was a young man with fingernails painted dark green.

The customer eyed the cashier’s nails and said to his son, “Some men wear nail polish. Do you know what that makes them?”

The son looked between the painted fingernails and the cashier’s face for a moment before hazarding a guess, “Happy?”

The Gift That Keeps On Giving, As Long As It’s Delivered

, , , , , | | Right | July 17, 2019

(I’m working in customer service, answering phones and emails.)

Me:“[Company], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to check if my parcels were already delivered and could be picked up.”

Me: “Sure thing! Let me just check.” *he tells me his account data and I pull up his account* “It looks like there is one parcel from Amazon ready to be picked up. It was just delivered this morning.”

Customer: “Only one? I’m expecting two parcels.”

Me: “Sadly, yes. Could you tell me the second parcels tracking number so I can check the online tracking?”

Customer: “I did not get one.”

Me: “In that case, you could contact the sender and ask for it. They should be able to tell you.”

Customer: “It’s Amazon, as well. I only got the tracking number for the parcel that was delivered today. The second one is a gift.”

Me: “That’s strange. You should still get a tracking number if you have Amazon send it as a gift.”

Customer: “No. I ordered the parcel you received today and checked ‘gift.’ So, Amazon will send me a gift!”

(I had to explain to him that no, checking “gift” did not prompt Amazon to send you something for free and yes, I was sure about that. He seemed rather crestfallen and when I told my colleague about it she laughed and suggested trying it, as well.)

Close, But No Cigarillo

, , , , , | | Right | July 17, 2019

(I am working in the drive-thru window at a cigarette store next to a good-sized casino. It is about an hour before shift change when a van drives up with about seven guys in it.)

Customer #1: “Hey, do you have money to break $100?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve got a little bit. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “I’d like a [cigarillo].”

(I get the item and ring it up.)

Me: “Okay, that’s going to be [less than $1].”

(He pays and I give him his change when the next guy leans over, waving another $100.)

Customer #2: “Hey, I want one, too!”

(I pause and look into the van. I see them all digging through their wallets.)

Me: “Hey, guys, show of hands; how many of you are buying a single [cigarillo] before you go to the casino?”

(They indicate they all are.)

Me: “And are you all paying with a $100 each?”

(They again all indicate they are.)

Me: “Yeah, I don’t have enough for that. Unless your buddy here treats you all, you’ll need something smaller to pay with. The cage girls in the casino can break your bills easier than I can.”

(They grumbled but all ended up managing to pay with $1 bills.)

Double The Pasta, Half The Sense

, , , , , , | | Right | July 16, 2019

(I am working the sauté pasta station at a buffet in a casino. There are four types of pasta, three types of meat, assorted vegetables and aromatics, and two standard sauces — marinara and alfredo — to customize your pasta. It’s not unusual for people to request two types of pasta in one dish.)

Customer: “Fettuccine linguine with chicken.”

Me: “What kind of sauce?”

Customer: “Fettuccine linguine and chicken.”

Me: “What kind of sauce?”

Customer: “FETTUCCINE LINGUINE AND CHICKEN!”

Me: “WHAT KIND OF SAUCE?”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?! I SAID FETTUCCINE LING… ALFREDO! CRAP, I MEANT ALFREDO!”

Me: *passive aggressively prepares his pasta with both fettuccine and linguine*

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