Winning Never Felt Like Such A Chore

, , , | Right | November 14, 2019

(I’m helping to run a raffle at a monthly market of local artisans. Each vendor has donated merchandise or vouchers, and we split these into several prize baskets valued at hundreds of dollars each. Every customer is given a raffle ticket that they can choose to fill out. Customers can see the prize baskets when they enter the raffle. The raffle ticket states that customers MUST be able to claim their prize between 6:00 and 7:00 pm on the day of the market, and they are also told verbally when they enter their ticket in the draw. At the end of the market, we draw the winners and call them to come to collect their prizes. These are some of the conversations that are had when we call the winners.)

Me: “Hello! My name is [My Name] and I’m calling on behalf of [Local Artisan Market]. You are the winner of our raffle prize; congratulations! Are you able to come to collect your prize by 7:00 pm tonight?”

Winner #1: “Who are you? Why are you calling?”

Me: “[My Name] from [Local Artisan Market]. Were you at the market today?”

Winner #1: “Yes.”

Me: “And did you enter the raffle? Perhaps someone entered on your behalf?”

Winner #1: “I entered it. But I’m not interested. Goodbye!”

(I call the next winner and give them my spiel.)

Winner #2: “Well, I’m awfully busy right now.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry to interrupt you. Unfortunately, this is the only time you can come for your prize, as stated when you entered.”

Winner #2: “No, I’m too busy; I don’t want it.” *hangs up*

(Another call:)

Winner #3: “What did I win?”

Me: “A basket full of items donated by our vendors, along with vouchers for artists that do custom work!”

Winner #3: “But what exactly is in there? I only want it if it’s good.”

Me: “…”

(Another call:)

Winner #4: “Ugh. Well, I guess I can come to get it now, if I have to.”

(Thankfully, the other winners were much more gracious!)

Last Day Lolz

, , , , , | Working | November 13, 2019

(Working the late hours in a supermarket, the atmosphere can get pretty casual. About ten minutes before closing, some coworkers call over the PA system.)

PA: “Could [Manager] come to the dairy section, please? [Manager], please come to the dairy section.”

(A minute later…) 

PA: “Could [Manager] come to fruits and vegetables, please? [Manager], please come to fruits and vegetables.”

(About 20 seconds later…)

PA: “Could [Manager] come to the registers, please? [Manager], please come to the registers.”

(My coworker and I share a look and suddenly it clicks. It’s [Manager]’s last day! She is pretty popular in part because she is quite hands-off but supportive when needed. Since she doesn’t like being in the spotlight, she didn’t get a goodbye party, but now everyone wants to say goodbye to her in person. There’s an apparent wave of realization going through the store as everyone department joins in calling her over. Some are even getting creative, like calling her to the roof. As I walk back from our little office cubicle to call her over, a customer addresses my coworker:)

Customer: “Oh, my God, that poor manager! Does she have to run the store all by herself?!”

(My coworker doubled over from laughter and when I explained it to the customer she also got a big smile.)

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These Steel-Capped Boots Are Gonna Walk All Over You

, , , , , , , , | Working | November 11, 2019

(My dad is a truck driver for a company that has offices and a warehouse on site. The warehouse worker’s canteen is inside the warehouse but away from the loading and unloading bays. My dad and his workmates are having lunch when a man in a hard hat and carrying a clipboard comes in. They don’t recognise him but he has a shirt on with the logo of the company.)

Man: “I’m the new health and safety officer here, guys, and I wanted to let you all know that as of now, you are all in breach of this site’s safety regulations as you are not wearing your hard hats in the warehouse.”

(My dad and his coworkers are a bit surprised by this but don’t say anything. The guy looks annoyed by this.)

Man: “I’m serious, guys! There are consequences when you don’t follow the rules; it can get you suspended or even fired. All of your attitudes are terrible. You should be grateful that I’m telling you this now, so you can avoid being written up for violations.”

(My dad raises his hand.)

Man: “Yes?”

Dad: “Are those steel toe cap boots you have on?”

(He points to the man’s shoes, which are clearly just black loafers.)

Man: “Of course not.”

Dad: “You have to have steel toe cap boots on when you are in the warehouse.”

Man: “Oh.”

Dad: “You should be grateful I’m telling you this. You could get written up for violations.”

Man: “Well, never mind. We are in the canteen after all.”

Dad: “Since you’re new, you can get us all a coffee.”

Man: “But there are 12 of you.”

Dad: “Well, use a tray, then. Safety first!”

(Needless to say, he didn’t stay long in the job.)

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Cash Back Attack, Part 9

, , , , , | Right | November 11, 2019

(On a lazy Saturday afternoon, I’m on register duty when a couple comes in. The woman makes a beeline for me with a very angry look on her face.)

Woman: “You! Where’s the nearest ATM? I’ve been through this whole plaza and not one of them has an ATM!”

(The plaza I work in has four different restaurants and about five different shops. The bank we used to have closed years ago and the ATM went with it.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear your troubles, ma’am, but the closest ATM is going to be across the street at [Gas Station #1] or [Gas Station #2]. Personally, I prefer [Gas Station #2] as they don’t charge withdrawal fees.”

Woman: “I don’t want to go across the street! That’ll take too long!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry again, ma’am, but those are the only options I can think of.”

(The woman glares at me a minute and wanders back to her compatriot. They discuss something for a minute and she walks back to me, now with a smug look on her face.)

Woman: “You guys do cashback here, right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The options for cashback are $10, $20, or $40.”

Woman: “Any minimum I gotta pay?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

(She nods and wordlessly grabs a candy bar and slams it onto my table. I ring her up and she goes through the cashback steps, selecting $40. The transaction finishes, the drawer opens, and as I’m grabbing her money, she says the following:)

Woman: “Give me $200.”

(I’m stunned for a moment, but I get the $40, close my drawer, and hand the money to her.)

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not giving any money out that isn’t counted for on my till. You told it $40; you get $40.”

Woman: “But it’s my money! Just fix it when you count it later!”

Me: “I don’t know how you think cashback works, but that is certainly not how it operates here. Like I said a minute ago, you can head to one of the ATMs across the street if you need more cash.”

Woman: “You’re really gonna make me do this, aren’t you?”

(Before I can ask what she means, she grabs another candy bar and again slams it on my table. I check her out again and again, she gets $40. She proceeded to do five total transactions, totaling about $10 for candy, to pull out $200.)

Woman:That ought to teach you a thing or two.” 

(She then flounced out the door with her companion and candy bars. I just stared after her in silent rage and confusion.)

Cash Back Attack, Part 8
Cash Back Attack, Part 7
Cash Back Attack, Part 6

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MURICA! Guns And Manly Men!

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2019

(I’m straightening up some shelves near the front of the store during Christmastime when a guy comes in open-carrying a gun on his hip. I’m alarmed at the gun, but I remain professional.)

Customer: “Where are your dolls located?”

Me: “Oh, back of the store. Go down the middle there, turn right, and it’ll be a couple of aisles in.”

Customer: “Don’t worry; it’s not for me.”

(I wonder briefly if he is talking about the gun, and then I realize he is commenting about buying a doll. He starts to walk away.)

Me: “I wouldn’t judge even if it was for you.”

Customer: “You should!”

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