Won’t Be Ringing Him Up

, , , , , , , | Romantic | March 25, 2019

I worked in a jewelry shop and it was close to Valentine’s Day. A lot of men came in to buy some jewelry for the occasion, and we had some strange requests, but there’s one man that I’ll never forget.

He came in and wanted to see some diamond rings to give to “the love of his life.” I didn’t think too much of it since he was wearing Armani clothes and had a Rolex watch and some expensive rings on his fingers. He finally decided on one ring, but when I told him that that would cost 1250 Euros, he was shocked and wanted to see some cheaper rings.

So, I presented him some rings in the 500-Euro range. No, too expensive, but he wanted the best for the love of his life. Okay, some rings in the 250-Euro range? No, too expensive for the love of his life. 100 Euros? No, too expensive. Twenty minutes later, he still couldn’t decide on some cheap rings for the love of his life.

Finally, a customer next in line who saw it all happen came up with this: “Hey, Buster, why don’t you head to [Big DIY Store] and buy a copper curtain ring? The last time I was there, they were 25 cents each. Should be just about right for the love of your life. Or you could buy her an angle grinder; they’re on sale now.”

While I saw some customers grin and smirk, other customers in the shop laughed out loud. The rich guy turned red and sneaked out of the store. Of course, I gave the customer who spoke up a discount for chasing that cheapskate out of the store.

I guess you only become rich by not spending any money. Not even on “the love of your life.”

Being A Big Baby About It

, , , , , , | Related | March 25, 2019

(My husband and I both dislike children, so we didn’t invite any children to our wedding and we spread the word that we didn’t want any kids or babies there. Most family and friends were cool with it and either clubbed together to pay for a crèche service for the day or sent us their regrets that they wouldn’t be able to come. All fine, until I get a phone call from one of my cousins.)

Cousin: “I just heard that my baby isn’t invited to your wedding even though I am?!”

Me: “Sorry, but we’re not inviting any children or babies to our wedding.”

Cousin: “You selfish c***! What do you expect me to do?!”

Me: “Either find someone to look after your baby for the day or don’t come to the wedding. We understand that people who can’t be without their children for whatever reason won’t be able to come, and that’s totally fine.”

Cousin: “What are you going to do once you start having babies?! Huh?!”

Me: “We’re not having any kids, but that’s irrelevant. We don’t want children at our wedding, and we’re paying for it, so we can make the rules.”

Cousin: “F*** you, you selfish c***. I’ll turn up with my baby, anyway! You won’t notice she’s there; she’s quiet. The wedding isn’t about you! Selfish! Selfish!”

Me: “If you’re going be this insulting, then you’re uninvited, anyway.”

Cousin: “You can’t do that, and you can’t ban babies from a wedding! It’s not a real marriage if you’re not having kids, anyway, you stupid c***.” *hangs up*

(She DID, in fact, show up on the day of the wedding with her baby in tow, despite telling us via email she wouldn’t come to our “sham wedding” after that phone call. The rest of our guests told her to GTFO, so she ended up driving 40 miles home again right away! I only found out about this after the wedding, which went very well. We have a lovely, happy, childless marriage now.)

Not A Supportive Culture

, , , , , , | Learning | March 25, 2019

My introductory microbiology professor had a tradition of having the students make yogurt during the last lab of his class as a fun way to demonstrate the usefulness of microbes in food production. For those who aren’t familiar with the process, good bacteria are added to milk, and after incubating for a few hours the milk becomes thick and sour.

My professor showed up to lab that day quite perturbed. He had a PhD in microbiology, but the university had told him he could not make yogurt in the lab anymore because he did not have a food handler’s permit.

A Sign This Job May Be Wrong For You

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(I’m an adult man living with my parents. My parents have gone on vacation for a week, and I am staying home to take care of things around the house. One day, a [Delivery Company] truck pulls into the driveway, and I head outside to meet the driver. The driver is not the regular driver for our route. Being a rural area where everybody knows everybody, this is kind of big news.)

Me: “Hi there. Is [Regular Driver] just out for today, or are you the new driver for our route?”

Driver: *getting out of his truck with a package in his hands* “He called in sick today, so I’m substituting for him. He should be back tomorrow. Anyway, I got a package for [My Dad].”

Me: “Thanks! I can grab it from you.”

Driver: “You’ll need to sign first.”

Me: *confused, because my dad never chooses the “must sign” option when he orders things* “Okay, I guess I can sign for it.”

Driver: *checks my signature* “Wait. You’re not [My Dad]? Is he home right now?”

Me: “No, that’s my dad, and he’s not home right now.”

Driver: “Oh. The package is in his name, so I guess I can’t deliver it until he’s home.”

(Before I could say another word, the driver put the package back into the truck, got into his seat, and drove off. Knowing that our regular driver was supposed to be back the next day, I decided not to call customer service, since it really wasn’t a big deal yet; my dad wouldn’t be home for a few more days, so he didn’t need the package right away. The next day, our regular driver was back in the truck, and I received the package with no issues. Out of curiosity, I asked him if [Delivery Company] had recently changed their policy on signing for packages. He started laughing, and asked what had happened. After I told the story, he explained that I wasn’t the only one who had had problems; apparently, the substitute driver had unofficially broken the [Delivery Company] record for most complaints in his first day as a driver… with nearly 30 complaints! He had refused to deliver ANY package without a signature from the person listed on the package, and he had even refused to deliver packages to businesses unless the business owners themselves signed for them. Naturally, he was fired as soon as he returned to the office at the end of the route, and [Delivery Company] lost a lot of money refunding the shipping fees for all the customers who called to complain. I guess I should have called customer service right away and saved my dad a few dollars on his project.)

Thinking With Your Brain By Landing On Your Butt

, , , , , , , | Learning | March 22, 2019

I teach at a Montessori school, and one day, I was standing by the classroom door watching and greeting the kids as they left for their next class. As they were walking, a little boy bumped into a little girl and she fell down, landing on her buttocks. This girl is a child who easily cries, and the little boy watched her as her face started to crumble.

Normally, what would happen: the girl would cry and most probably come and complain to me that the little boy pushed her and she fell and got hurt. I could see that it was an honest mistake that the boy bumped into her and in my mind, I had already started thinking about how I was going to handle the situation.

I’m not kidding about what happened next. The little boy looked me straight in the eye and, less than a second later, threw himself down on the floor, landing on his buttocks, as well. He got up, slowly rubbing his back, and went over to the little girl and held out his hand to help her up. He said, “I’m sorry, [Little Girl]. Seems like we bumped into each other. Oh, no!”

The little girl was definitely looking slightly shocked. but she took his hand, got up, dusted herself off, and said, “Oops, sorry!” They walked off, smiling and waving goodbye to me. I was standing there with a stupefied expression, wondering just what the heck had happened.

That little boy is a genius. He avoided a scene and he knew it. This incident took place in literally a few seconds. The intelligence of children never fails to amaze me.

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