A Pain In The Head And An Itch In The You-Know-What

, , , , | Legal | April 6, 2020

The particular client has been a headache for her entire case, which is unfortunate, seeing as her auto accident settled before her worker’s comp case.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Law Firm]! This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Client: “I want to speak to my g**d*** attorney, right f****** now!”

Me: “I do apologize, but first, I will not permit you to verbally abuse me. Secondly, [Boss’s Partner] is out of the office today due to the recent outbreak and his wife being severely immunocompromised. I can schedule you for April 1st.”

Yes, the importance of that date escapes me.

Client: “I won’t accept that. I have two flat tires, my daughter has lice, schools are out, and I have an itchy f****** vagina! You a**holes are sitting on ten grand of my money and I want to drive down and get it now!

I’m stunned, and I automatically speak in a customer service voice.

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Client: “I said, I have an itchy f****** vagina!

Me: “Right, so I can schedule that call to speak with [Boss’s Partner] on April 1st. Will 11:00 am work for you?”

Fortunately, after three days of her calling and being verbally abusive and inappropriate, my boss called her and got her some of her money!

Just Not Getting The Message

, , , , | Working | April 6, 2020

(As I am processing purchase invoices, I come across one from an unfamiliar supplier. Upon closer inspection. I notice that I have only been given page three of three and the delivery address is to a business farther down the road. Normally, I would pop it into an envelope and deliver it myself or give it back to the postman. However, as I only have page three, I think it will be best to request that the supplier resend their invoice. I call the company at approximately 17:05.)

Automated Message: “As our offices are closed, you will be redirected to our messaging service.”

(I wait for the beep so I can leave my message but a person answers the phone, instead.)

Person: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name] and I’m calling from [Company]. The postman has delivered an invoice to us by mistake and, as I only have page three, I can’t forward this on. Would you please resend invoice [number]?”

Person: “Sorry, but we are just a messaging service for [Supplier].”

(My mistake. I thought because it was so close to normal closing hours, maybe someone had picked it up rather than letting it go through to voicemail.)

Me: “Okay. Would you please ask them to resend invoice [number], as it has been delivered to the wrong address?”

Person: “No, we are just a messaging service for [Supplier].”

Me: “Could you please pass the message that they need to resend invoice [number]?”

Person: “No. We cannot do this. You have not come through to [Supplier]. We are just a company that they hire to take messages out-of-hours.”

Me: “Yes. I understand that. You do not work for [Supplier]; you work for a messaging company but you don’t seem to want to take my message.”

Person: “Well, we just need your name and number and then they can call you back in the morning.”

Me: “I see. That’s fine. My name is [My Name] and I work for [Company]. My direct dial is [phone number].”

Person: “Okay, that’s [repeats info back to me].”

Me: “That’s correct.”

Person: “And do you have a message you’d like me to pass on?”

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Meeee, Meeeself, And I

, , , , , | Right | April 6, 2020

(A young kid gets lost and my coworker is trying to help but has trouble understanding her.)

Coworker: “What’s your name?”

Kid: “Meeee.”

Coworker: “I mean your name.”

Kid: “Meeeeya.”

Coworker: “Umm, are you with your parents? Mom and Dad?”

Kid: “Yoo.”

Coworker: “Yes?”

Kid: “Yoo.”

Coworker: “No?”

Kid: *shakes head*

Coworker: “Are they here?”

Kid: “Yooos.” *nods head*

Coworker: “Okay, do you know their names? What’s your mom’s name?”

Kid: “Maanyi.”

Coworker: “Mommy? No, her name.”

Kid: “Maannii.”

Coworker: “Dad’s name?”

Kid: “Dedyi!”

(It turned out her name was actually Mia, her mom was Mandy, and her dad was Teddy. She wasn’t just a silly girl with no clue!)

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America, Ladies And Gents!

, , , , , , , | Healthy | April 6, 2020

My dad needed to get his physical done and went to our family doctor. The doctor’s office was located in a sort of strip mall setup along with other private practitioners and specialists. This building was, in turn, located directly adjacent to the actual local hospital, even sharing the same parking lot.

As part of the physical, my dad was getting blood drawn but the nurse had difficulty getting their needle into his veins, meaning he had a needle probing in his body much longer than usual. Eventually, his body decided enough was enough and he seized.

Worried for his health, they quickly loaded my dad onto a gurney and wheeled him across the parking lot to the ER where he was quickly diagnosed as being fine. After he recovered, the blood draw was rescheduled and he headed home.

Fast forward a few weeks: a bill from the hospital arrived. Since he’d gone to the ER, my dad was expecting a high price, but this proved to be even more than expected by several hundred dollars.

Looking through the itemized bill, it was mostly the expected expenses: ER visit, fluids, etc. What stuck out was the several-hundred-dollar ambulance service my dad apparently got from being wheeled across the parking lot on a gurney.

He fought the bill, saying he might have paid if they’d at least put him in an ambulance and let him turn on the siren.

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Did Her Brain Stop Working, Too?

, , , , , , , , | Working | April 4, 2020

My husband and I both ordered a salad and entree each with our waitress, who appeared to write a bit on a notepad.

His salad came out and, after waiting a bit for mine before starting, he finally took a couple bites. Then, our entrees came.

We flagged our waitress to tell her I had never received my own salad.

She said, “Well, my pen stopped working,” and kind of looked at us for a moment and walked away.

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