When It Actually Is A Black-And-White Answer
Client: “You see there, where the text is black on white?”
Me: “Yep.”
Client: “Could we increase the contrast there?”
Me: “No.”
Client: “Just a little?”
Me: “No.”
About To Get Very Animated About This
Client: “I need an animation of a man wearing our products, to use on our website.”
Me: “Okay.”
I send it to them.
Client: “Can you make it so it doesn’t move?”
Me: “…”
An Expert In Design, Not In Stupidity
Client: “We need you to design a banner for us using the logo you created.”
Me: “Sure, okay. What are the dimensions?”
Client: “Well… here’s a picture of the room to give you an idea of how big it should be.”
Me: “Okay, but I need exact numbers.”
Client: *Frustrated* “How do you expect me to know? I’m not in the room to measure it!”
Me: “I’m afraid I would only be wasting time without measurements.”
Client: “Fine, okay. Hold on, my coworker just texted me… Yeah, he said that it should be four laptop sizes wide.”
Me: “…Okay, so is this banner going to be digital now? Like, on a screen?”
Client: “I don’t see what’s so difficult about this. You’re supposed to be the expert!”
I’d Like To Invite You To Do Some Self-Reflection
I recently accepted a design request for an invitation suite. The process took longer than expected because the client was “too busy” to respond to emails, and they would take a week or more to look at revisions.
About three months into the project, I received a phone call.
Client: “I’ve got some changes I need to discuss with you.”
Me: “Okay, what would you like to talk about?”
Client: “We’ve decided to go with a pre-made invitation. This process is taking too long for some reason.”
“Almost, But Not Quite, Entirely Unlike Tea” Vibes
Client: “Can you do some concepts just like that image I sent? But completely different.”
Me: “Depends what kind of ‘different’ you want.”
Client: “The same concept idea, but completely different.”
Me: “I’m still not sure what parts need to be different.”
Client: “All of them.”
Me: “Then what’s the same?”
Client: “Nothing!”
Me: “Then what’s the point of the image you sent?”
Client: “It’s something to build on.”
Me: “So, you want that as a foundation… but a foundation that I in no way use?”
Client: “Exactly!”