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Making You Feel All Kinds Of Blue

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I’m a graphic designer but I take on some freelance jobs outside of my regular job. A client contacts me, looking for a brochure design for his upcoming art show at a small gallery. His work is very cool and I decide to take on the job. After receiving multiple e-mails from him freaking out about how “It just doesn’t FEEL like my art. It needs to FEEL better!” I decide to meet with him to go over it in person.)

Me: “So, what aren’t you liking about the current design? We’ve discussed all the changes and up until this point you seemed ok with it.”

Client: *touching the print out* “The FEEL is all wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!”

Me: “Okay, can you explain a bit more? What about the feel isn’t right?”

Client: “You know! The FEEL!” *start rubbing the piece of paper on his face and flinging it all around in the air*

Me: “Do you mean the paper? This isn’t the final paper stock we’re printing on, just regular printer paper.”

Client: “Oh, okay. Good because this s*** is NASTY!” *throws all the papers on the ground and points at my computer screen* “But also, this colour here is just so WRONG!”

Me: *collecting papers* “All right, we can change that. What colour were you thinking?”

Client: “A bright blue! Oh, wait… maybe a dark and moody blue.”

Me: *makes changes on screen* “Do you like either of these?”

Client: “Are you an idiot!? Neither of those are blue! How can you call yourself a designer if you think THAT’S blue!”

(The client is now kneeling on his chair and flailing his arms in the air while screeching at me.)

Me: “Okay! Why don’t you go through the colours here and see if there’s something you like better!”

(The client calms down and scrolls for a solid 15 minutes through the colours while practically lying across the table.)

Client: “This one! It’s PERFECT!”

Me: “Umm… all right, then.”

(We settled on a lovely Forest “Blue” and concluded the project after printing. The kicker? I went to his show the next week and found that he didn’t use my design but decided to make all new brochures by finger painting them and handing out still wet pieces of paper at the show.)

A Heady Proposition, Part 2

| Hialeah, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in with a photo of her daughter. She wants to include it in a business card.)

Customer: “So you guys are able to take this picture, put it on to the computer, and then fix it up nicely?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, here you go.”

(I’m given the picture, and I notice her daughter is facing completely to the right. Not a big deal, so I go ahead and scan the picture. It appears on screen.)

Customer: “Okay. I need you to turn her face towards us.”

Me: “Uh…that’s not possible.”

Customer: “But you said you would fix it up nicely.”

Me: “I can clean the picture up and make your daughter look nice. However, you can’t scan a picture and then turn it around like it was in 3D.”

Customer: “But computers are the reason 3D exists. Now turn my daughter’s head!”

Related:
A Heady Proposition

Because Insurance Is Such A Scream (Comic)

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Old Comics


Original Story | Comic by EvilNessie

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Pink

| Pennsylvania, USA | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I get a call from a client about a wedding package I am designing.)

Me: “Hello! Have you finalized your color scheme?”

Client: “Well no.” *begins sobbing* “We had a fight, and I called off the wedding. I don’t need the invitations.”

Me: “Ah. I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am. I’ll waive my fees. Don’t worry about paying me.”

Client: “No, I’ll pay for your work. I was wondering if you could change the text, though.”

Me: “To what?”

Client: “It has to say ‘You’re Invited To [Ex-Fiance’s] Funeral’. And I’m thinking a hideously bright pink.”

Magic Ink

| France | Uncategorized

(A client comes for her journalist portfolio. She shows me a picture of an architect in front of his building model, showing his back to the camera.)

Customer: “So, you see, I’d like you to flip this picture.”

Me: “Okay, that’s very simple.”

Customer: “Great ! This will be awesome. I want him to face the camera.”

Me: “If I flip the picture, it will be all the same, but the guy will be on the left instead of the right, that’s it.”

Customer: “You can’t make him face us? You call yourself a professional?”

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