Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Best. Grandpa. Ever.

, , , , | Right | November 20, 2009

(I work at a small grocery store owned by my grandpa. It’s in the middle of summer and a customer wearing a thick jacket comes in.)

Customer: “Can I get some cigarettes?”

Grandpa: “Excuse me, would you mind opening your jacket up?”

Customer: “No, why would I do that!”

Grandpa: “Sir, I saw you take that beer. Give it back and we won’t press charges.”

Customer: “That’s crazy, I didn’t take anything!”

Grandpa: “Sir, I–”

(The customer seems like he is about to run, and my grandpa grabs his arm. The customer tries to shove him away, but in the process he opens his coat and reveals the stolen goods.)

Customer: “GET OFF!”

(My grandpa grabs his balls, and begins squeezing them.)

Grandpa: “Just put the beer down, and I won’t pop them!”

(He put the beer down.)

Equivalence, Meet Ignorance

, , , , | Right | September 23, 2009

Customer: “I’m looking for an outfit for a one-year-old girl.”

Me: “Sure, all of the twelve-month clothing is in this section.”

Customer: “No, she’s one.”

Me: “Right, so that would be over here.”

Customer: “You just said that was twelve months!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *slowly* “I’m looking for ONE YEAR.”

Me: “Would you like to go up one size to 18 months?”

Customer: “Is there someone else who can help me?”

(I go and get my manager.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your employee doesn’t understand English. I’m looking for clothing for my one-year-old granddaughter.”

Manager: “The twelve-month clothes are over here.”

Customer: “What is WRONG with you people?”

They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast…

, , , , | Right | July 20, 2009

(An older woman walks up to the electronics desk and addresses me.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.”

Me: “Is this a gift for someone?”

Customer: “Yes, this is for my four-year-old grandson.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, just to let you know, this game has been rated ‘M’ for Mature, and has a lot of violence, profanity, drug use, and sexual content.”

Customer: “That’s okay, he’s already been exposed to all that…”


This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

Read the next Terrible Parents story!

Read the Terrible Parents roundup!

There Are No Crimes, Only Unbelievably Well-Timed Accidents

, , , , , | Legal Right | May 30, 2009

Me: “[Law Office]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need an attorney for my grandson. He was arrested for stealing a car.”

Me: “Okay, can you give me details?”

Caller: “Yes, he was at the bar and after he decided to leave, he got in the wrong car and left with it. He didn’t mean to do it. He was just confused.”

Me: “What kind of car did he steal?”

Caller: “A charcoal-grey Jeep Liberty…”

Me: “Okay, and what type of car does he have?”

Caller: “Oh, he doesn’t own a car…”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think I can help you.”

Ah, Grandmothers

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2009

(I am working in the fitting room and overhear an obviously frustrated grandmother and her seven-year-old granddaughter yelling at each other.)

Grandmother: “Put on your d*** pants!”

Girl: “No! I don’t want to!”

Grandmother: “1… 2… 3…”

Girl: “Nooooo! I hate you!”

Grandmother: “Well, I hate you, too, so we’re even!”