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A Dead Giveaway

, , , , , | Right | February 9, 2011

(I am answering the switchboard for a large hospital.)

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering if you could tell me what phone company the hospital uses?”

Me: “I’m not sure. The person that has that information left at 5:00 p.m. But if you call our purchasing office in the morning, they can tell you.”

Caller: “Oh, no! It is a matter of grave importance that I find out right now!”

Me: “What is the situation? Maybe I can help?”

Caller: “My grandmother died there about a week ago and she didn’t have a will. I know for a fact that all the phone companies record all of our conversations. So, I thought maybe grandma called someone while she was in the hospital and told them what she left me.”


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Not-A-Brainer Might Have Been More Apt

, , , , , | Right | December 21, 2010

Me: “We do have seats available on that flight, but if you were willing to leave an hour later the fare would be $200 less. Would that work for you?”

Elderly Customer: “That’s not a brainer!”

Me: *laughing*

Elderly Customer: “That’s what the kids say, ‘not a brainer.’ I’m going to use it on my grandson to show I’m hip with the kids.”

Me: “I think ‘that’s a no-brainer’ might be more usual.”

Elderly Customer: “You know what else the kids say? ‘Go f*** yourself’!”


This story is part of our Shocking Old People roundup!

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A Touching Gift

, , , , , | Right | December 14, 2010

Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I touch my granddaughter.”

*awkward silence*

Customer: *turning bright red* “I mean, I want an iTouch for my granddaughter!”

Hannah Montana, I Choose You

, , , , | Right | December 10, 2010

Me: “Excuse me, do you need help?”

Customer: “Yes, actually. Would you happen to know what a good game for a seven-year-old boy? I need a present for my grandson.”

Me: “Well, you could always go with a classic Mario or Pokémon game.”

Customer: “What are those about?”

(I give a very general description, explaining the basics of the concepts since she is obviously new to video games.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Those sound very violent to me.”

Me: “Well, they’re very popular games, especially among young boys.”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “No, I think those games are too violent. I’ll just get him this one.”

(She picked up the latest Hannah Montana game for the DS and walked off.)


This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.

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Not So Mellow Jello

, , , , | Right | July 23, 2010

Me: “That will be [price] for three packs of Jello. Will there be anything else for you today?”

Customer: “No. No, thank you. My granddaughter is turning 21!”

Me: “How nice! Are these for her party?”

Customer: “She is having a party tonight and asked me to buy her Jello so she could have Jello shots. I’m so glad she is not drinking and instead just having Jello. I must have raised her right!”