The Final Reset

, , , , , , | Related | November 25, 2017

My parents live in an area which has frequent blackouts. They are so technophobic and techno-ignorant that they don’t know how to reset the clocks on any of the electronics in their house. Each time the power was restored after a blackout, they would call my son to go over and reset everything.

When this first began, our son was just beginning high school and got a little kick out of it.

It wasn’t as fun for him when he moved an hour away to attend college, but he did the task for them without complaining.

However, when he graduated and was living and working half a state away that chore got old quickly.

After a very bad storm, my husband and I drove to my parents’ to fix some damage. A few hours later, we were taking a break and chatting when we heard the front door open.

It was our son. My parents had called him to reset the clocks even though they knew my husband and I would be there!

Without saying a word, our son walked through the room to the stereo, covered the flashing lights with electrical tape, turned, and left.

That was the last time my parents asked him to make a special trip to reset the clocks.

Grandma Was Never A Goody-Two-Shoes

, , , , , , | Related | November 22, 2017

(My grandma and my grandpa have taken my little brother and me out shoe shopping. My grandma only has one leg.)

Employee: “Hi there! Can I help you?”

Grandma: “Yes, I was wondering if I could get these half off?”

Employee: “Unless you have a coupon, no.”

(My grandma then pulls her pants up revealing her prosthetic leg.)

Grandma: “It’s just that I will only use one.”

Employee: “I am sorry; you still must buy both shoes.”

(They go back and forth for a few minutes before my six-year-old brother bursts in:)

Brother: “Just buy the shoe, Grandma, or Grandpa might shove it where the sun don’t shine!”

Not A Grand Way To Put It

, , , , , | Related | November 20, 2017

(I have been going through some health issues; so, because I’m a single mom, my parents have stepped in to help with my daughter in a big way. Note that my little brother and sister are 13 and 15 years younger than I am.)

Me: “I really appreciate everything you do for my kid, but I feel really bad that you are paying for her private school, dance classes, swim classes, and you want to sign her up for Hebrew and piano.”

Mom: “Oh, it’s fine. Besides, your little sister likes girls, your brother is your brother, so… yeah… And you are at least smart enough to never get married or pregnant again, so she’s probably going to be the only grandkid.”

Me: “Thanks?”

A Touching Story

, , , , , , , | Related | November 16, 2017

(I am trying to teach my five-year-old daughter about danger. Not the details, but just what to do if this happens, what to do if that happens, etc. I tell her that if someone touches her when or where she doesn’t want to be touched, she has to yell, “STOP! I don’t like it!” and tell me. She seems to understand fairly well, and two days later my mum comes to visit. I go into the kitchen to make us tea and suddenly I hear, “STOP! I don’t like it!” and my daughter comes running in.)

Me: “What happened, baby?”

Daughter: “Granny hugged me ‘hello’ when I came downstairs, and I didn’t want her to.”

(Mortified, I run in to my mum, who is in stitches on the sofa.)

Mum: “Well, [My Name], I can’t fault your skills at teaching her safety. But maybe next time I’ll ask before I hug her!”

Take (Medi)Care To Stay Alive

, , , | Healthy | November 15, 2017

(I am with my grandmother, who gets tons of sales calls, which everyone in the house finds obnoxious. One day, I answer the phone for her.)

Salesperson: “Hello, this is Medicare. Can I speak to [Grandmother]?”

Me: “She’s dead.”

Salesperson: “Okay, I’ll make a note of that on her file. Goodbye.”

(He hangs up. My grandmother is staring at me in shock.)


(Naturally, I freak out. I’m near hysterical as I call the company and tell them what I had done.)

Medicare Person: “Did someone call the house? Because Medicare only calls if you have made an appointment in advance. We still have her alive on here.”

(So luckily they were scammers. However, I will never do that again. Ever.)

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