A Storm Of Questions

, , , | Related | September 18, 2017

(I am evacuating from a hurricane with my 92-year-old grandmother and her dog. Traffic is bumper to bumper.)

Granny: “Why doesn’t the slow poke up there pull over so we can pass?”

Me: “There’s not one slow poke. The road just isn’t big enough for this many cars.”

Granny: “Well, if they’re having car trouble, they should push their car off the road so we can get by.”

Me: “They aren’t having car trouble. There’s just too many cars in a long line trying to leave.”

Granny: “Why doesn’t the first car just go faster?”

Me: “There’s not one car in front. The roads are just full of people trying to get out.”

Granny: “But why doesn’t the slow poke just pull over and let us pass?”

Me: *gives up*

Swept Away By Those Words

, , , , , | Related | September 13, 2017

When I was very young, my great-grandma and great-grandpa lived on the beach. Whenever we visited them, my great-grandpa and I would always go for a walk along the beach. We would look at what the ocean washed up and even looked into a tide-pool once.

One day, while we were walking along, a wave rushed up onto the shore and swept me off my feet. My great-grandpa, who wasn’t very fast and walked with a cane, rushed and managed to catch me before I was swept out into the ocean.

He then smiled and told me I had to be so wonderful and important that the ocean, which had been around for millions of years, wanted to keep me.

It is something I carried with me for all of my life, even after my great-grandpa and great-grandma passed on.

Grandma Is On The Juice

, , , , , | Related | August 30, 2017

(My grandmother had a habit of saying bizarre and off-the-wall statements. When Grandpa, her husband of 40 years, passed away, she topped them all. They have a burial plot together where one coffin will be on top of the other.)

Grandmother: “I’m glad your grandpa went first… so all of his juices won’t be leaking out on me.”  

(Thanks, Grandma. I’ll never get that out of my head.)

So Happy To See You, He Fried

, , , , | Related | August 29, 2017

(I am about eight or nine when my great grandpa’s old age starts to frequently make him sick and weak, leaving my poor grandma with no choice but to put him in a home. One weekend, my dad decides to take me with him on one of his visits, since old people love small children, and I am the oldest [and least hyperactive] of my siblings. When we get into town, we stop at a grocery store to pick up something to snack on during our visit and maybe get something for Great Grandpa as well. I am kinda hungry and immediately see something I want. Experience, however, tells me that simply asking for such things usually ends in failure, so I decide to try a different approach.)

Me: “I think Great Grandpa would like fried chicken.”

Dad: *surprised* “Why do you say that?”

Me: “Because fried chicken is super tasty, and people say hospital food is not ,and that’s bad when you’re sick and trying to get better. So, we should get him something tasty so that he’ll feel better in both his body and his tummy.”

(My dad looks at me funny for a moment before he starts laughing. My silly plan works and we leave the store with a 10-piece bucket of chicken. When we get to Great Grandpa’s room, the elderly man’s face immediately changes, from spaced and a little sad, to a weak form of joy the moment he sees us. I gently climb onto his bed and give him a hug.)

Dad: “Hey, Grandpa, we’re here. Have you eaten yet? [My Name] thought you’d like some fried chicken, so we brought some for everyone to share.”

Great Grandpa: “Oh, that looks good. I’m very hungry.”

(We sit and munch on chicken for a bit, while Dad talks about the goings-on of the outside world. About ten minutes later, a caregiver comes in to check up on everything and see if she is needed. She pauses for a moment.)

Caregiver: “Mr. [Great Grandpa], what is that?”

Great Grandpa: “My great granddaughter brought me fried chicken.”

Caregiver: “How are you still hungry? You just ate less than an hour ago.”

Great Grandpa: “Because fried chicken is tasty and your food is not.”

(My dad lost it at that point and almost fell out of his chair laughing. Sadly, that was the last time I got to see Great Grandpa before he died. To this day, my dad still loves this story. It’s one of the last happy memories he got to make with his grandpa, and he loves to occasionally tell it at gatherings. And to think, it wouldn’t have happened if some sneaky little girl hadn’t been craving chicken.)

Deaf To Your Comment

, , , | Related | August 13, 2017

(My 94-year-old grandmother is totally deaf in her left ear, and has normal age-related hearing loss in the other. She wears a hearing aid on the right side only, and talking to her left ear is totally useless; she won’t hear you. Those of the family who have met her know this, and we are conscious of which side of her we sit on if we want to talk to her. My cousin’s wedding has people who know who my grandmother is, but I guess did not know the specifics. This takes place in the after party. My sister and I are sitting at the table, watching over our grandmother. A guy who I don’t know, but who knows my grandmother’s name, sits down next to my her, on her left side.)

Guy: “Hi, [Grandmother]! Enjoying the party?”

Grandmother: *looking somewhere else, doesn’t even notice the guy*

Me: “You’re on her bad side.”

Guy: *totally flattering and missing the message* “No, she doesn’t have a bad side.”

Sister: “You’re on her DEAF side. She can’t hear you.”

Guy: “…oh.” *gets up and leaves, not even trying*

(My grandmother never noticed. There was just too much ambient noise and people moving to-and-fro. I think if the guy had put a hand on her shoulder or something, she would have noticed and would happily have tried to talk to him.)

Page 3/712345...Last
« Previous
Next »