I wrote this story. Grandma has always exaggerated when she feels sick. She used to be a nurse, so you would think she would know better than to do stuff like this.

One day, my grandmother comes downstairs and complains that she has a cough. The problem is we haven’t heard her cough once. She’s not even fake-coughing. She sets up a virtual doctor’s visit, but since the doctor can’t really examine her, he prescribes her a cough medicine for her nonexistent cough. She then complains that it isn’t working. We’re doubting she’s sick since she never goes anywhere and she’s not showing any symptoms, but it is peak pollen season, so we suggest she take an allergy pill. She refuses.

A few days later, Dad finally hears her wheezing a little bit. Mom suggests she make an appointment to go in and actually see her doctor. Grandma has other ideas.

Grandma: “I want to go to the hospital. My cough is just terrible.”

Again, we haven’t heard a single cough from her this whole time.

Mom: “I don’t think you need to go to the hospital. If you don’t want to see your doctor, we can take you to urgent care. They’re less expensive than the ER and can probably help you out.”

Grandma: “No. I need to go to the hospital.”

Dad: “Fine. We’ll take you to the hospital.”

Grandma: “I don’t want you to take me. I want to go by ambulance.”

Dad: “Why?”

Grandma: “Because then I won’t have to wait.”

Mom: “You’ll still have to wait. We’re not calling an ambulance. You don’t need an ambulance. Ambulances are for real emergencies. If you want to go to the hospital, we’ll drive you there.”

Grandma: “I want to go by ambulance! I don’t want to have to wait!”

Dad: “We’re not calling an ambulance!”

Grandma disappeared upstairs. A little bit later, she came back downstairs with a bag. A few minutes later, an ambulance pulled into our driveway. She had pressed the button on her life alert and told the person, “I can’t breathe!”

Grandma walked out to meet the EMTs and told them to take her to the hospital. My dad went out and talked to them. The whole time they were examining her, she was talking a mile a minute and her oxygen was at 98%. The EMTs tried to persuade her not to go to the hospital by ambulance, but she insisted, so they had to take her.

She was highly upset when she spent all day waiting by the nurse’s station to be seen. She did stay in the hospital for several days because they couldn’t determine if it was pneumonia or heart failure. They did eventually diagnose her with heart failure and told her to go on a low-sodium diet, which has caused a host of other issues.

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A friend had asked me to accompany her to a family function as she couldn’t bring her significant other — more about that later — and she didn’t want to face her family alone. I agreed because, hey, free food, and I noticed she really could do with the moral support, and not going was not an option because of reasons. 

At the party, her grandfather took me aside.

Grandfather: “Don’t get your hopes up, son. [Friend] doesn’t swing that way.”

Me: *A bit startled* “Yes, sir, I know, but she was told by her mother not to bring her girlfriend because you and your wife could not cope with it.”

Grandfather: “Her mother said what?!” *A bit calmer* “Tell her to come around tomorrow with her girlfriend. I’ll deal with her mother.”

I don’t know how it went with her mother, but the visit went very well. Her grandparents liked her girlfriend a lot.

My husband and I are checking in for a long-haul flight. We’re confirming the seat allocations with the check-in clerk:

Me: “And those seats are in the child-free aisle, yes?”

Clerk: “That’s right, ma’am. I can confirm those seats are in that section.”

Suddenly, we hear a shrill voice come from an older woman checking in with another clerk adjacent to us. She is carrying a baby on her shoulder.

Passenger: “The what section?”

Me: “The child-free section. It’s a section of the plane where the airline guarantees you won’t be flying near any children.”

Passenger: “What disgusting discrimination! How dare you discriminate against the God-fearing people who do their duty and have children?! I’m flying with my granddaughter and I will not be treated this way, d*** it!”

The clerk serving the old lady passenger tries to calm her down, and we finish our check-in process. We eventually board the plane, get to our blissfully child-free seats, and take off without issue.

About an hour into the flight, I notice the grandmother from earlier keeps walking over to our seats, carrying her granddaughter, and prodding her to start crying right next to us. After she does this three times, I speak up.

Me: “Look, ma’am, you’re obviously doing this on purpose because you felt offended by the airline offering this seat section. I’m sorry you feel that way, but we booked this section specifically to be away from crying babies, and you’re ruining that.”

Passenger: *Raising her voice* “It’s you that’s ruining everything! Children-haters like you have no place in this world!”

An air stewardess approaches us and asks what the issue is. I try to explain the whole situation over the lady interrupting me and her poor granddaughter crying.

Stewardess: “I think I understand. Ma’am, this airline does indeed offer this section of the plane as a child-free section. If you take offense to that, please feel free to forward a complaint to the contact information found in your booking. As for right now, crying babies are not welcome in this section of the flight—” *looks the passenger directly in her eyes* “—and I am not referring to your child.”

Grumpy Grandma stormed back to her seat, and our heroic air stewardess got a round of “thank you”s from most of the passengers in our section.

This story is part of the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2022 roundup!

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Read the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2022 roundup!

One night, not long after getting a new puppy, my gran was visited by her daughter (my aunt) and they were having a chat in my gran’s bedroom whilst the pup played on the floor next to the bed.

At the time, my gran was trying to train the pup that he could only climb on the furniture if he was invited using the command, “Up,” and as my aunt had just sat down on the bed she thought she’d let her invite the pup up for a cuddle. My gran also had a habit of spelling out words to disguise them from the dog. B-A-T-H, V-E-T, P-A-R-K — that kind of thing.

Gran: “[Aunt], why don’t you tell the dog to come U-P?”

Aunt: *Looking puzzled* “Why don’t I tell him to what?”

Gran: “You know, tell him ‘U-P’!”

Aunt: “Okay… [Dog], you pee!”

Fortunately, the dog actually didn’t pee on the bedroom floor, although when she stopped laughing, my gran asked my aunt why she thought that’s what my Gran wanted him to do!

My great-grandmother immigrated from Poland to the USA. She was endeavoring to learn English, but sometimes there could be a little confusion with names. She had been informed of my birth and that my name would be Bernadette. She got a horrified look on her face, and offered this quite indignantly:

Great-Grandmother: “Burn the dead?! What kind of name is that for a little girl?”