My parents and I are visiting my grandma. My grandma is very close with her sister-in-law, my dad’s aunt. One night, we’re sitting around watching TV and talking, and my grandma mentions that SIL has been having some medical issues. She opens their text messages and proceeds to read a very long, very detailed list. She gets to the end of the message.
Grandma: “Oh s***.”
Dad: “What?”
Grandma: *Reading.* “‘Please do not tell anyone.’ Whoops.”
I have grandparents whose answer to any argument is that we can trace our family lineage back to the Mayflower (we can’t, BTW). It doesn’t matter the topic or argument; they’ll always find a way to move the goalposts to make their lineage relevant. I could tolerate it before, but they’ve moved in for two months while their house is being renovated.
I’ve just got back from school, and I’m talking to my mom about a history project I’m working on. Grandma butts in:
Grandmother: “Why have they got you learning all this Black History stuff?”
Me: “Because it’s Black History month, Grandma.”
Grandmother: “You’re an American in an American school; you should be learning about American history!”
Me: “We are. Black History Month is about Black Americans. It covers slavery up until now.”
Grandmother: “Ugh, slavery again. That’s all they talk about!”
Me: “Yes, I can imagine it can be annoying to have someone talk about historical boat journeys across the Atlantic over and over again.”
Grandmother: “…”
A few weeks later, at the start of a new month:
Grandmother: “So, have you gone back to real American history now?”
Me: “I’m studying this now.”
I show her a book about the Navajo, Cherokee, and Sioux tribes.
Grandmother: “Your school never teaches about real Americans!”
Me: “These are real Americans!”
Grandmother: “What about Washington! Lincoln! I’m going to talk to your principal next week and talk about your history teacher! We can trace our lineage back to the Mayflower so they should listen to what a real American has to say.”
Me: “Grandma, if you think any connection to the Mayflower is what makes you American, then I think the Navajo, Cherokee, and Sioux have you beat.”
Grandmother: “There’s no winning with your generation!”
Me: “It’s not an argument when it’s facts versus feelings, Grandma.”
I was so happy when they moved out.
Related:
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 8
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 7
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 6
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 5
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 4
I overhear two women, both looking in their mid-sixties or older, talking in the food court.
Woman #1: “I’m taking the grandkids to the dinosaur exhibit on the weekend.”
Woman #2: “I think dinosaurs really existed.”
Woman #1: “You do?”
Woman #2: “But they couldn’t talk to God.”
Woman #1: “Sure, they could!”
Woman #2: “How?”
[Woman #1] looks to the ceiling and… ROOOOOARRRS loudly! Everyone stops to stare. I thought I’d fall off my chair laughing at that insane discussion.
My sister was about four years old at the time, and my grandma was visiting. She’s going to drive us to my music lesson. My sister is in the bathroom, and my grandma is ready to leave and getting impatient.
Grandma: “Time to go, [Sister’s Name]!”
Sister: “Uh-huh.”
Grandma: “Hurry up!”
Sister: “Uh-huh.”
Grandma: “What’s taking so long?!”
Sister: *Snarkily.* “I’m in the bathroom, Grandma!”
Grandma doesn’t like the tone and demands:
Grandma: “What did you just say, young lady? I don’t appreciate that tone.”
Sister: “Uh… It must have come through the door wrong?”
I come from a very progressive family. LGBTQ acceptance has never been viewed as controversial in any way, shape, or form. My aunt is an out-and-proud lesbian, and no one in the family has ever had a problem with that for the entirety of her life since she started dating.
Then one day she starts dating [Girlfriend]. Now [Girlfriend] is abusive and downright mean. She is mean to my aunt in front of us, she is mean to the little cousins, and she cussed out my grandmother. But any time anyone says anything back to her, she claims homophobia. Saying that we are ignorant and are against her because we can’t accept having a lesbian in the family.
Finally, one day, she goes too far and insults my grandfather (who has passed) to my grandmother. This obviously upsets Grandma, and she tells [girlfriend] that what she said isn’t okay. [Girlfriend] has her usual counter that this is all homophobia, and no one would have a problem if she were a man.
Grandma: “You misunderstood, we dislike you because you are a c**t, not because you have one.”
Related:
At This Rate Never Pick A Fight With Any Old Woman…, Part 3
At This Rate Never Pick A Fight With Any Old Woman…, Part 2
At This Rate Never Pick A Fight With Any Old Woman…
