I Have An Ice Cream Dream

, , , , , , | Related | July 2, 2018

(We are having a heatwave at the moment. As I am shopping, I pass a small girl and what I assume is her grandmother. The grandmother is carrying two boxes of ice lollies, each containing 12 lollipops.)

Grandmother: “Right. We need to get these home before they melt.”

Granddaughter: “Or we could just eat them now.”

(I admire her ambition.)

Straining To Voice Their Hypocrisy

, , , , | Related | June 27, 2018

(I get a phone call from my grandfather.)

Grandfather: “Hey, [My Name]! I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

Me: *coughing, obviously strained throat* “Hi… I’ve been sick.”

Grandfather: “Oh, that’s terrible. I just had one question about my computer for you…”

(I try to talk as little as possible. After the email thing is figured out, something which could have been easily resolved by Google, he says this:)

Grandfather: “Well, your grandmother wanted to talk to you, but I don’t want her to strain your voice. You should rest as much as possible and not talk at all.”

Me: “Mh-hm…”

Grandfather: “Well! I love you! Talk to you soon!”

Happy Records Of The Past

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 24, 2018

(My grandmother passed away this year at 95 years old. She was the only grandparent I ever knew well, the others having passed away before I was born or when I was very young. She and I shared a love for vintage jewelry and clothing, and “oldies” music. The rest of my family is happy to let me have her record collection from her estate. It takes me a while to go through all of them; there are only twelve 33 rpm albums left from her original collection, but over one hundred 45 rpm singles, like you would find in a jukebox. After I’ve finally gone through each one to make sure none are broken, scratched beyond playing, etc., I call my dad.)

Me: “Hi, Dad.”

Dad: “Hey, [My Name]! What’s up?”

Me: “Just finished going through Grandma’s records. I’m so happy to have them, but organizing them made me miss her even more.”

Dad: “I understand. I’m glad you got them. No one else would appreciate all of them like you do. Do they all still play?”

Me: “Yes! I can’t believe how many she had in storage! Over one hundred 45 singles, and they’re all in great condition.”

Dad: *chuckles* “Yeah, I’d forgotten about those.”

Me: “And they’re really an eclectic mix of genres. I’m surprised she was interested in some of these.”

Dad: “Oh, she didn’t pick all of them out. Did I not tell you how she got them?”

Me: “No… How?”

Dad: *laughs* “When I was a kid, [Brand] potato chips ran a promotion where you got a coupon for a ten-cent record on the back of each bag. If you sent the coupon in, they’d send you a 45 record through the mail. It was usually a single disc of one of the popular radio hits of the month. Your grandma bought so many bags of potato chips that year I got sick of them!” *laughs again* “If you see any records that still have the ten-cent sticker on the label part, those are from the chip coupons.”

Me: *laughing too* “That’s great! I never would have thought of that!”

Dad: “You should contact [Brand] potato chips and tell them about your collection!”

(It wasn’t a long conversation, but it made me feel better, and it was great to add one of my dad’s funny memories about my grandma to my own. Maybe now I should keep an eye out for a jukebox for sale!)

It Rums In The Family

, , , , | Related | June 21, 2018

(I am about nine and our family is on vacation in the Caribbean. I have spent most of the day down at the beach, and with the heat and the salt water I am very thirsty. There is only one stand that sells soda, and it is down on the other end of the beach. My Mom and I start walking toward it. Along the way, we run into my grandparents walking the opposite way.)

Grandma: “Where are you two going?”

Mom: “[My Name] is really thirsty, so we’re going to get her a soda.”

Grandma: “Well, I have a coke here she can have. It’s diet, though.”

Me: “I don’t care.”

(I’m just eager to drink anything. My grandma hands me her cup and I take a huge drink, and a second later I start spitting it out on the ground.)

Grandma: “It’s just diet; it’s not that bad.”

(My mom takes the cup out of my hand and takes a small sip.)

Mom: “There’s rum in this.”

Grandma: “Oh! I forgot about that.”

What Came First: The Prank Or The Egg?

, , , , , , , | Related | June 20, 2018

(Growing up, I was the kid in my family who tended to have the worst sense of humour. I was certainly a stick in the mud at school, and even at home I wasn’t very good at taking a joke. Still, my family was very close, especially after my grandparents moved to the same town as us. One day, we are visiting a nearby village and pop into a tourist store. God knows why, but they have these little rubber eggs on sale; they’re not round enough to bounce properly, just rubber eggs used for… I’ve no clue. However, having a quid burning a hole in my pocket convinces 14-year-old me that this particular trinket is worth having. That afternoon we head to my grandparents’ house for lunch. I pop into the kitchen and open the fridge, and I spot that the egg tray is just one short of being full. Looking around to make sure nobody is watching me, I grab the rubber egg out of my pocket and put it in the tray. Afterward, I pretty much forget about the whole thing… until a week later, when I am back at home.)

Mum: “Hey, [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Mum: “Didn’t you buy a rubber egg at that shop in [Village]?”

Me: “Oh, umm, yeah. I did. Why?”

Mum: “What did you do with it?”

(I told her about what I’d done, and she burst out laughing. It turns out, my gran tried to crack the egg, only to find that she couldn’t. Rather than realising she’d been pranked with a rubber egg, she instead took it down to her local supermarket and asked for a refund!  The employees were staring at her like she had two heads, before two of them took the egg and started playing catch. My gran still had no idea what was going on, but the chuckling manager happily gave her a free box of new ones. The next time I saw her I let her know what had happened and she spent the day with a huge grin. Apparently, what had really shocked her and my mum is that I’d managed to not tell anybody about the prank until it paid off! My gran still mentions it whenever she goes to that supermarket.)

Page 2/2112345...Last
« Previous
Next »