Saw: The Christmas Special

, , , , , , | Related | December 17, 2018

(It’s December, and I’m hanging out with my grandma.)

Grammy: *unwraps Santa-shaped chocolate*

Me: “Nooo, don’t eat Santa!”

Grammy: “Say goodbye to Santa.” *waves*

Me: *waves* “Bye, Santa!”

Grammy: *to Santa* “I’ll eat your feet first to give you a few minutes of grace.”

Me: “No, don’t prolong his suffering!”

Laughter Really Is The Best Medicine

, , , , , | Related | December 9, 2018

(At Thanksgiving dinner, my Grandma, age 102, and Granny, 93, are talking about their medical alert buttons.)

Grandma: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” *giggles*

(They pull out their necklaces and compare.)

Granny: “Yours is bigger than mine.”

(They both broke down giggling until they were red in the face.)

Setting A Wonderful Example To Her Grandchildren

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I am 21 and one of the managers at a supermarket. I have just gotten off my shift, changed into my normal clothes, and gone into the store to buy some things I need. I notice one of our regulars, a middle-aged woman. She has two of her young grandchildren with her. In the corner of my eye, I see her grab a pallet jack and begin pushing around her grandchildren on it.)

Me: *too shocked to realise that I’m not in my normal clothes* “I’m sorry, but you can’t use the pallet jack to play with.”

Customer: *visibly angry* “Excuse you?!”

Me: *realising I’m in my normal clothes* “Oh, I’m so sorry, but I work here, and I’m afraid I can’t let you use that pallet jack to play with. It’s not safe for children.”

Customer: “I’ll have you know that I have nine grandchildren, little girl.”

Me: “Congratulations! That must be amazing, but I’m still going to take that pallet jack to the back storage. It shouldn’t have been out here in the first place, and I apologise for that.”

(She just gives me a vicious look as I take the pallet jack from her and take it into the storage. Further into the store, the customer walks by me again.)

Customer: *loudly, to her grandchildren* “Look! There she is, the poor little girl, such a poor little girl.”

(I just shrug and continue with my shopping. Finally, I reach the cash registers. The customer is there with her grandchildren, and apparently there is some trouble up there, as well, as she is yelling at the cashier.)

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager!”

Coworker: *who she is yelling at* “I’m the evening manger.”

Customer: “Well, then, I want to speak to your boss!”

Coworker: “Of course. She is standing right there.” *points to me*

Me: *puts on my most charming smile and walks up* “Hi again! What can I help you with?”

Customer: *bright red in the face* “Nothing, absolutely nothing.”

(She doesn’t say another word while she is in the store, and basically just runs after she has paid.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry for dragging you into that, but she was horrible.”

Me: “No worries at all. In fact, you made my day!”

(The customer came back many times, but she never could look me in the eyes again. All in all, a very Swedish way of dealing with confrontation.)

For My Money, They Won’t Be Coming Back

, , , , , | Related | December 3, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are in Ontario to see his family and also to go to a concert. I generally get along very well with his relatives, but his grandparents can be a bit… brash. They don’t have much of a filter and always have to say their opinion. Most of the time they mean well; they’re nice people. But sometimes it comes off as a “holier-than-thou” attitude. This is one instance where I wish I’d spoken up for myself. For context, my boyfriend and I paid for everything for this trip, as we’re in our 20s and have relatively good jobs; we’re also in college, so we’ve been saving for this trip for a while. Our parents did not pay for our flights, concert tickets, gas, or any expenses, nor did we expect them to. We are driving back to the airport with his grandmother.)

Grandmother: “It was so nice to have you two down here; you should come back more often! We’d love to see you more!”

Me: “We’ll definitely try to come back soon, maybe next year after we graduate.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, this trip was expensive, but it’s nice to have a break from school. I wish we could travel all the time, but we’ll probably have to wait until we get jobs in our field.”

Grandmother: “Yes, that would be a good idea. Both of you will get good jobs, and then you won’t have to use mommy and daddy’s money!”

Me: *speechless*

(She said it so casually, as if she knew this for a fact. I was extremely angry. I held my tongue, and we both gave curt goodbyes at the airport. As soon as she left, my boyfriend turned to me and said, “We’re not coming back to see her if that’s what she thinks of us.” I agreed. I told my parents when we got back home and they were annoyed, too, but more amused at the fact they actually thought our parents paid for all our things while we are more than capable of taking care of ourselves. Needless to say, we don’t talk to my boyfriend’s grandparents that much, and we don’t plan to waste OUR money going to see them again.)

Man Who Jumps Through Backyards Carrying Large Sack Confused At Being Mistaken For Burglar

, , , , , , | Related | November 14, 2018

(I am visiting my grandparents, and all three of us are sitting down and talking about other family members. My grandma has just finished telling me about an incident that a cousin was involved in when she says this:)

Grandma: “I’m glad you and your sister were never troublemakers.”

Grandpa: *laughs* “Unlike [My Father].”

Me: *confused, as my dad is very mild-mannered* “Dad used to get into trouble?”

Grandma: “Oh, not intentionally. He was just always very…”

Grandpa: “Oblivious?”

Grandma: *nods* “Right. Like that time he was almost arrested for burglary.”

Me: *shocked* “How did he manage that?!”

Grandma: “Well, he used to walk down to the laundromat to do his laundry. But rather than taking the long route he would climb over walls and through people’s backyards.”

Grandpa: “So, eventually, someone notices a young guy running through yards carrying a bulging sack over his shoulder. They called the police and he was almost arrested, until they looked in the bag and saw only dirty clothes.”

Me: “Knowing him, I can see all of this happening.”

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