Writing You A Blanco Check To Stay

, , , , , | Working | January 3, 2018

(I’m the only office administrator at my job who is fluent in Spanish. Despite this, my boss has been underpaying me, and all of his other workers that aren’t his family. I’ve just handed in my two weeks, as I’ve found a job that pays almost twice as much for almost the exact same job.)

Boss: “You can’t quit! What about our customers?”

Me: *shrugs* “You can find and hire someone else in that time, I’m sure.”

Boss: “Not someone white!”

(Suddenly my two weeks turned into now.)

They Don’t Teach You THAT In Driver’s Ed

, , , , | Learning | December 11, 2017

After being tailgated twice in two days, I remembered a story my Driver’s Ed teacher told us:

When he was a teen and newly licensed driver, he had the loan of his dad’s car. Unfortunately for him, he either wasn’t paying attention or didn’t notice a short concrete post when he backed up, and he did some severe damage to the tail end. He drove around a bit thinking, “Oh, God… what am I going to tell my dad? He’s going to kill me.” Then he got an idea.

He was wearing his seatbelt and was traveling city streets, so wasn’t driving fast. He deliberately drove slower and waited until he got a tailgater. Then he slammed on the brakes, and the inevitable happened.

He got out shouting, “Look what you did to my dad’s car!”

The other guy got the ticket, had his insurance pay for the repairs, and probably got a raise in rates. And guess what? It was perfectly legal of my teacher.

It’s your responsibility to maintain a safe stopping distance… not the driver in front of you. A driver CAN bring a car to a stop for whatever reason.

Just keep that in mind next time you get the urge to get on someone’s tail on the road: he just might REALLY be asking for it.

 

It’s Time To Throw In The Towel

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 23, 2017

(My roommate’s overbearing mother is visiting.)

Mother: “This place is trashed! Who just leaves a towel in the middle of the living room?”

(I whistled, and the “towel” lifted up its head, revealing itself to be my Shih Tzu, Moe.)

A Minimum Understanding On Minimum Wage

, , , , , | Right | November 3, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys cash payroll checks?”

Me: “Sometimes; it depends. May I ask how much it is?”

Customer: “Two hundred and sixty.”

Me: “Well, that’s actually more than we’re allowed to cash in this store. I’m sorry, but we can’t.”

Customer: “What? No? You can’t? How much is your limit?”

Me: “Nope. We can’t. Our limit is about two hundred dollars, even.”

Customer: *angrily* “That’s ridiculous! Who only makes two hundred dollars on a paycheck?! Nobody gets paid that little! Who would only get that? This is stupid!”

Me: “Honestly, sir, a lot of the people in this store only make about two hundred dollars.”

Customer: *goes quiet for a minute, then sounds very sad when he starts talking again* “I am so… Oh, my God. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Oh, my God.” *click*

Go Nude Or Go Home

, , , , , , , | Romantic | September 25, 2017

(It’s about four am when I receive a call from my boyfriend, who works third shift. I’m a fairly heavy sleeper, and it takes a while for me to wake up. I also sleep nude, as I’ve always found it more comfortable than wearing even light pajamas.)

Boyfriend: “I’m too tired to drive home from work today. Mind if I crash at your place?”

Me: *still half-asleep* “Yeah. Just knock when you get here and I’ll let you in.”

(I fall asleep as soon as the call ends, only waking up when I hear pounding on the door to my studio apartment.)

Me: *opens the door, barely keeping my eyes open* “Mornin’.”

(My boyfriend stands there for a few minutes, and when I blink away the sleep from my eyes I realize he’s looking at me in disgust.)

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “You’re naked.”

Me: *looks down at myself* “Yeah? I was sleeping.”

Boyfriend: “Well, get dressed! What if someone sees you?”

Me: “Then they see a naked fat chick letting her boyfriend in at four am. What’s the problem?”

(My apartment is on the second floor, in the back corner of the complex. Someone would have to be extremely determined, and capable of climbing trees, to look in on me.)

Boyfriend: “Go get dressed this instant.”

Me: *laughs* “I pay the rent; I’ll sleep nude if I want.”

Boyfriend: *getting increasingly flustered* “I’m not coming in until you get some clothes on, and that’s final.”

Me: “Then you’ll sleep in your car. Or outside. I don’t care; I’ve got work in the morning and I’m exhausted.”

Boyfriend: *crosses his arms and stares me down, like some overgrown toddler about to throw a tantrum, for a good minute*

Me: “Good night.” *shuts the door on his face and goes back to bed*

(I woke up to several angry messages from him, almost all of them summed up as, “You’re the worst person in the world and we’re through.” I didn’t bother responding, but I wonder why he was so adamant I cover myself, while he made me hold the door open for five minutes instead of just coming in.)

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