(This one is on me. The city hall in my town recently reinvaded and added a wall with a window in front of the desk to the once completely open space. I walk in to pay my water bill, stand there very confused & wide eyed; then turn around to leave after assuming I walked into the wrong building some how.)

Receptionist: “Wait, WAIT!”

Me: *turns around*

Receptionist: “This is City Hall, you didn’t walk into the wrong building; we reinvaded and added this wall.”

Me: “…OH! Okay. Thank you… This has been happening all day, hasn’t it?”

Receptionist: *sighs*

I was filling in at a reception desk in a municipal government building when a gentleman stepped off the elevator and approached me.

Me: Hi, can I help you find something?
Him: Yeah, I have a meeting.
Me: Ok, with who?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: Ok, do you know what office?
Him: No.
Me: Do you know what department?
Him: No.
Me: Do you have any contact information from whoever you set up the appointment with?
Him: Uh… no.

At this point I was at a bit of a loss but decided to keep trying to get some kind of information.

Me: Well when did you make the appointment?
Him: I think it was about two weeks ago… maybe three.
Me: Did you make the appointment over the phone or via e-mail?
Him: It was in person.
Me: Ok, where?
Him: It was in a park.
Me: In a park?
Him: There was an event for [member of provincial parliament].
Me: Ok, well this building is for your municipal government so if your appointment was with your MPP then it’s not here.
Him: No, the appointment wasn’t for provincial, that’s just where I met the person I made the appointment with.
Me: Well… I’m sorry, but I’m really not sure how to help you. Without a name, department or anything else to go on I can’t get you in touch with the right person.
Him: Well I have her name and number in my phone, should I just call her?
Me: I think that would be best….

(In Brazil, voting is mandatory by law. We may annul our votes, but we need to be physically present at our designated voting center or have a good reason not to be. Otherwise, we pay a fee and there might be some legal repercussions. In the last election weekend, I was in Canada for work, and only took the plane back Sunday. I go to justify missing the election.)

Me: “Hi. I need to justify missing the last election, as I was traveling. Here’s my documentation.”

Clerk: “This says you left your trip at 10:00 am. You still had plenty of time to come and vote. This justifies nothing.”

Me: “Perhaps you’re not aware, but it’s a twelve-hour flight from where I was, so I arrived in Brazil after the voting was already over.”

Clerk: *condescendingly* “Then you should have planned your little trip better, shouldn’t you?”

Me: “Can you just please put the documents through? I’m sure if…”

Clerk: “That’s not my problem! I’m not submitting a justification that doesn’t even cover the election times, just because you think you’re special and can break the law.”

Me: “Can I speak to a supervisor?”

(She calls one, mumbling about stupid, entitled people. I explain to the supervisor.)

Supervisor: “She’s very right. It’s not our job to fudge a justification so you can get off easy.”

Me: *now totally perplexed* “But it’s not fudging! I wasn’t in the country!”

Supervisor: “We’re not doing this. You’d better go now before I call security.”

(I left, very irritated and confused, and tried again at a different center a couple of days later. Believe it or not, I had almost the exact same conversation at the other center! My company decided to pay the fee for me, figuring it was better than to keep having me miss work to deal with it, or have any legal hassle later. I tried complaining up the government chain, but the sad thing is that these are all public servants, and for them to get even a write-up it needs to be an offense you could pretty much get arrested over, so nothing came of it.)

(The customer is calling about paying off money he owes the government.)

Customer: Um, yes, I’m on the website, and I’m trying to pay my debt with a credit card, but I can’t see where to do that.

Me: I’m happy to help with that. Unfortunately, we don’t accept credit card transactions, only payments by check.

Customer: But… I need to pay this debt off! I want to pay in full. Im accruing interest!

Me: I’m sorry to hear that, and I appreciate your desire to resolve this debt. Unfortunately, it’s just our policy.

(Customer huffs heavily and mutters a thanks for nothing, like he’d rather be paying 12% interest than the modest 1% we charge…)

(We get these calls from U.S. Citizens, on the regular)

Me: Good morning [Government office], this is [Name], how can I help you?

Caller: Yeah, uh.. I’m going to be traveling there in the next few months, I was wondering if you could help me..?

(Because we get MANY of these calls, I already know the questions, but I still play along)

Me: Well hopefully I have the answers to your questions, what do you need help with?

Caller:  I live in [U.S. state] and I was wonderin’ if I need my passport to get into Hawaii.

Me: Well, you DO need a passport of some sort of identification to get through TSA but to get INTO Hawaii, you won’t.

Caller: But… I mean, don’t you check passports to get into Hawaii?

Me:  Even though we’re out in the middle of the ocean, Hawaii is part of the United States…. you don’t need a passport.

Caller: ….Are you sure?

Me: I’m pretty positive.  We ARE the U.S.

Caller: …Oh… ok… well, what about my [significant other]?

Me: Are they a U.S. citizen?

Caller: No they came up from [any foreign country] and cleared in from [U.S. airport], will they need their passport to get into Hawaii?

Me:  They’ve already been checked and cleared at another U.S. port, again… Hawaii is still the U.S., they don’t need a passport, they are already here, right?

Caller: Well, no… we’re in [U.S. state], we’re not in Hawaii yet…

(At this point, I repeat Hawaii is part of the U.S., tell them to have a good day and hang up)