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How To Tell You’ve Lowered Your Standards

, , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(I am finishing checking out an elderly man’s purchases when this exchange happens.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “When you’re 85 years old and you wake up with a pulse, and your next-door neighbor isn’t hitting you over the head with a shovel, you’re having a good day.”

Me: “…”


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Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I’ve just done a sales pitch for Internet service.)

Customer: “Oh, honey, I’m 73. I wouldn’t know what to do with the Internet. I can hardly run the computer my daughter gave me.”

Me: “Well, I’ll be honest. I’m 24 and I do struggle with them from time to time.”

Customer: “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be your age, what with all the bad things happening in the world today.”

Me: “I don’t know; I’m pretty optimistic most of the time. I think we’ll be okay.”

Customer: “You’ve never been married, have you?”


This story is part of our Old Folk With No Filter roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Stories About Awesome Older Customers Who Act As Young As They Feel

 

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Chippendales, The Golden Years

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2008

(Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

Back In My Day, We Walked Barefoot, Backwards And Buck Naked

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2008

(Keep in mind that our bookstore only sells books, CDs, and DVDs: no electronics, no rentals, or software.)

Coworker: “Good morning, what can I help you find?”

Old Customer: “I need a keyboard for that computer thing.”

Coworker: “We don’t sell keyboards, I’m sorry. Have you tried [Store] across the parking lot?”

Old Customer: “But I don’t want to go over there! I want to buy it here!”

Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t have any to sell you. We don’t carry computer parts.”

(The customer proceeds to get worked up into a fine fury, face blotched red and pulled up to her full height.)

Old Customer: “Well, I never! In my day, you could walk into any store, anywhere, and by God if they wanted your business they would FIND it for you!” *storms out*

Eavesdropping Manager: “Well, in her day, everything was a general store!”

Youth Is Wasted By The Old

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2008

(A very old lady, clearly hard of hearing and sight walks over to me.)

Customer: “Young man! You don’t have any Canola Harvest butter on the shelf!”

(I had stocked Canola Harvest margarine not twenty minutes earlier.)

Me: “Are you sure? I was certain we had–”

Customer: “You don’t have it. I already looked at your shelf.”

Me: “They changed the label on the tub last week. You probably don’t recognize–”

Customer: “I KNOW where it goes, young man. You don’t have it on the shelf!”

Me: “Let’s go check one more time.”

Customer: “You’re a buffoon, completely incapable! I need an adult… You should get me your manager!”

(We arrive. I pull a tub of Canola Harvest off the shelf and hold it to her.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Canola Harvest.”

Customer: “That’s NOT Canola Harvest! It comes in a white container! Get me your manager!”

Me: *reading the tub* “Canola… Harvest. It’s a new label, is all.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. You must’ve changed the label on me again. *laughs* You should’ve told me it was a different color, young man!”

Me: *gun-finger-to-head*