(Our service desk is undergoing much needed renovations. One of the new things being built for us is a small closet to store extra cartons of cigarettes so we don’t have to run in back so often when we run out of a certain brand. The construction is very loud, and some of our customers are visibly upset, and I’m starting to get frustrated, too, since it’s making it difficult for me to communicate. After a while, a little old lady in her 80s approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. What are you building back there?”

Me: “I apologize about the noise; we’re building extra storage for cigarettes.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you were building a place to hide all the bodies of the rude customers!”

Me: *laughs* “Oh, ma’am, I wish!”

Customer: *smiles* “Keep up the good work, [My Name]!”

(Her encouragement lifted my spirits for the rest of my shift despite the noise. It’s nice that some people can be understanding.)

(The store is full and the line long. Whilst I’m waiting for my drinks to be made, I overhear this:)

Cashier: “Do you have a points card?”

Old Man: “No, I don’t.”

Cashier: “Would you like one? You get points for every hot drink you buy and earn points for free drinks.”

Old Man: “No, don’t bother. I had one, but no one else took it.”

(I turn around, guessing at what he is implying, and try to tell if he is joking. His stern look tells me otherwise.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. No one else took it? You mean other [Store] locations?”

Old Man: “No! Other coffee shops. I tried it in the one down the road. They told me that they wouldn’t take it. It’s a scam.”

Cashier: “Sorry, sir, do you mean [completely different Coffee Shop]?”

Old Man: “Yes, I went in there, and I spoke to the manager.”

Cashier: “Sir, our ‘loyalty’ card is for customers shopping at our store. That store has nothing to do with us.”

Old Man: “Well, that is just stupid.”

(I could see the cashier’s face as they struggled and gave up trying to explain the concept of a loyalty card that doesn’t reward you for being loyal!)

(An elderly customer comes up to the service desk with a light bulb in his hand. It’s one of those new, long-lasting, compact fluorescent bulbs.)

Customer: “I need to return this.”

Me: “Okay. Was there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “No, but it says that it lasts for 14 years. I’m not going to live that long!”

(We have one of our many unusual customers in doing Easter shopping. She comes back the next day to get a price adjustment.)

Customer: “Oh, thanks. I hope you have a great Easter!”

(We wish her a happy Easter, and as she’s walking away she gives my manager who helped her a huge grin.)

Customer: “I hope the Easter Bunny sits on your face!”

(This was said brightly, with no hint of any alternate meaning or malice, and left us both standing there stunned for several moments. It was one of the strangest things I have ever heard a customer say.)

(I work in a classy fast food restaurant, and we typically have families or couples that make each day a great one. I truly enjoy my job. This particular day, I have an elderly couple at the register. They are nothing but smiles.)

Me: “Your total is $18.87.”

(One of the customers hands me a $20 bill.)

Me: “Okay, here’s your dollar bill and your coins.”

Customer: “Goody! I have a new dollar bill, so I can show you my joke. Do you have time?”

(They are currently the only ones ordering, so I oblige. He then hands me the dollar bill.)

Customer: “I want you to find three things on this dollar: an important person, a dairy product, and a movie title that was once a book.”

(I am stumped and can’t figure it out. The customer takes the dollar back.)

Customer: “The important person is the president. The dairy product—” *he proceeds to rip the dollar in half* “—is half and half. The movie title that was once a book—” *proceeds to throw the ripped bill in the air with great theatrics* “—is Gone with the Wind.”

(I’m a very emotional person, and laughing generally brings tears to my eyes, which my coworkers have gotten used to.)

Customer: “If I had known this would be your reaction, I would have used the $20 bill!”

(Since this incident, he and his wife have traveled from their town — around 50 miles away — every single month to visit me, bringing a new joke or piece of wisdom every time. The ripped dollar bill is framed in my room, with the joke written beside it, along with all of the other stories, jokes, and quotes that he’s given me. He recently stated that he has more enjoyment from telling people about my reactions than actually telling me the joke!)