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Taking It Old School

, , | Right | June 24, 2009

(I am working in the department office one day when an old woman calls me up.)

Me: *on the phone* “Radio, TV, and Film Department. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I want to take a class in radio.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our classes are part of the Bachelor’s degree curriculum. You can’t just take one class.”

Caller: “Well… how long is the Bachelor’s degree program?”

Me: “Four years at a minimum, but the average student takes five years to complete it.”

Caller: “FIVE YEARS?! I can’t do that! So where else can I take a class in radio?”

Me: “Why don’t you try [College]? They have a radio station, so they may have some radio classes. Here’s the number.”

Caller: “What kind of school is [College]?”

Me: “It’s a community college.”

Caller: “A WHAT kind of college?”

Me: “A community college. You know, a junior college.”

Caller: “HONEY! I don’t need no JUNIOR college. I am a SENIOR citizen!”

Sure, But It’ll Make You Yelp

, , | Right | May 19, 2009

Me: “Tech support, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I have to pay this fee and I need to get to y’all’s website.”

Me: “Sure, our address is [website URL].”

Caller: “I don’t want your address. I want to know where to go on my computer.”

Me: “Sir, that’s the address of our site. All you need to do is type it in your browser’s address bar.”

Caller: “Oh, so do I stick that in my Google?”

How To Tell You’ve Lowered Your Standards

, , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(I am finishing checking out an elderly man’s purchases when this exchange happens.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “When you’re 85 years old and you wake up with a pulse, and your next-door neighbor isn’t hitting you over the head with a shovel, you’re having a good day.”

Me: “…”

Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I’ve just done a sales pitch for Internet service.)

Customer: “Oh, honey, I’m 73. I wouldn’t know what to do with the Internet. I can hardly run the computer my daughter gave me.”

Me: “Well, I’ll be honest. I’m 24 and I do struggle with them from time to time.”

Customer: “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be your age, what with all the bad things happening in the world today.”

Me: “I don’t know; I’m pretty optimistic most of the time. I think we’ll be okay.”

Customer: “You’ve never been married, have you?”

Chippendales, The Golden Years

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2008

(Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”