(A mother with a pram comes to my till. Her son is obviously displeased with something and cries loudly, so that everybody hears it. She leaves the pram behind her to make her purchase. I am encouraged to chat with customers while ringing up.)

Me: “Someone seems displeased with life here. Hey there, big guy. What’s up?”

Child: *continues crying*

Mother: “Well, you know kids; sometimes they simply aren’t happy. He’ll be all right.”

(She continues to talk to her child, trying to soothe him, but it doesn’t work.)

Me: “Okay, that will be [amount], please.”

(While the mother is looking for money in her purse, an elderly gentleman and his wife come behind her in line. The man looks at the crying child for a couple of seconds and then suddenly speaks.)

Elderly Man: “Whoa, no need to be so unhappy, buddy! Look at this t-shirt! Don’t you think it’s a great t-shirt? Or these pants; look how fine they are! Don’t you think?”

(He continues babbling like this, but the child is so surprised that he stops crying and just looks at the smiling man. His mother finishes her purchase and takes him away, which results in more cries. The elderly pair comes up to me.)

Elderly Man: “Oh, dear, he’s clearly unhappy. Listen how he cries.”

Elderly Man’s Wife: “Oh, come on, [Husband], he’s little. Children sometimes cry like that.”

Me: “This is true. And even adults are unhappy now and then and behave similarly. We’ve all been there.”

(I ring them up, and they turn around to leave the store. Suddenly, the mother of the crying child returns with him in her arms, and holding a pack of simple balloons.)

Mother: “He would like these, please.”

Me: “Great, big guy! Now you have something from the shop, too!”

(The boy grinned from ear to ear, incredibly happy with his balloons. Nearby, the elderly pair were standing and looking at him, and when the mother carried him back out, they waved goodbye. Normally people would complain and b**** about a crying child, but these two seniors were simply awesome!)

(My dad and I are scouring a store for maraschino cherries and we cannot find them anywhere. Finally, after a few more aisles, we find a lady who works here. This lady is not young, and I don’t mean that in a rude way at all. Her hair is white as snow, and she is obviously very high up there in age. My dad approaches her and asks:)

Dad: “Excuse me, miss. Do you know where we can find maraschino cherries?”

Older Lady: “They will either be on aisle 13, all the way at the end, on the right side, top shelf, or they will be on aisle 9, all the way at the end, on the left side, second shelf from the bottom.”

Dad: “Thank you. Have a great day.”

Older Lady: “You, too.”

(At first we were suspicious that this very much older lady could remember the exact places of such small things as cherries. First we went to aisle 13, and they were exactly where she said, except that they were out of them. Then, we went to aisle 9, and again, they were exactly where she said. My dad and I just shared this look of amazement for a few seconds and said, “Wow.” This lady may have appeared old, but her mind obviously hadn’t aged a day.)

(I am cleaning off tables after the lunch rush when I hear a clatter. I look up to see an elderly man in a motorized cart plowing between two rows of single tables, knocking over one. The salt and peppers shakers fall to the floor, as well as a basket of napkins which scatter everywhere. The man is apparently unconcerned as he continues on and knocks over a second table. I run over to grab the table’s edge before it hits the floor. A woman standing behind him — presumably his wife — speaks up.)

Woman: “I’m so sorry. He doesn’t know when to slow down.”

Me: *annoyed, but trying to remain courteous* “It’s okay, ma’am.”

(Another customer graciously helps me gather the spilled napkins. When I relay the incident to my boss later, she just shakes her head.)

Boss: “Some people should not be driving.”

(I’m working the counter at a popular fast food chain. A lot of times we have elderly people come in from nearby retirement or nursing homes, often with a list of things to bring back. Today an elderly gentleman comes in with one of such lists.)

Me: “Hi there! Is this for here or to go?”

Customer: “Hello. This will be to go.” *places coupon on counter* “I would like to use this twice, please.”

(I check and see that it is a 2-for-$5 chicken sandwiches coupon. For these coupons, we need to input which sandwiches the customer wants before continuing on with the order.)

Me: “Okay! Do you—”

Customer: *continuing on* “—and I would also like.”

Me: “Actually, sir, I need to know which sandwiches you would like.”

Customer: “Oh. The chicken sandwiches.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But which chicken sandwiches would you like?”

Customer: “I would just like four chicken sandwiches.”

Me: *seeing he’s holding a piece of paper in hand and assuming it’s a list* “Do you have a list I can look at?”

Customer: *lifts up the paper and places it in front of me* “Well, my wife told me she wants four chicken sandwiches, a small fry, and two drinks.”

(I read over the short list. Indeed, it says, “four chicken sandwiches,” but not which kind.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got the fry and the drinks. But which chicken sandwiches would you like for the coupon? We have three to choose from.” *points them out on the board* “We have [chicken sandwich #1], [chicken sandwich #2], or [chicken sandwich #3].”

Customer: “Oh. I just would like four chicken sandwiches.”

(I’m struggling at this point to keep my customer service smile in place.)

Me: “We have different kinds of chicken sandwiches, sir.”

Customer: “Do you?” *looks at the board again* “Oh. Well, just give me the best one.”

Me: *ascends to another plane of existence*

(I ended up giving him two of [chicken sandwich #1] and two of [chicken sandwich #3]. He and his wife must have liked them, because I saw them a few days later ordering the same sandwiches again!)

(This takes place many years ago. My great-grandmother is in court to become a US citizen, when this happens.)

Judge: “What are the three branches of government?”

Great-Grandmother: “Executive, Legislative, and Jewish.”

Judge: “You’re Jewish?”

Great-Grandmother: “Yeah.”

Judge: “Do you know how to make blintzes?”

Great-Grandmother: “Yes, of course.”

Judge: “My wife tries to make them, but they always fall apart. What should she do differently?”

Great-Grandmother: *gives blintz-making advice that sadly has been lost to time*

Judge: “I’m approving your citizenship application. Congratulations.”