When Feminists Need Defense

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 23, 2018

(I am at the gym, using the back and leg weight machines while reading an interesting hardcover book I brought with me. I think it is very appropriate to be reading this one in the gym, since it’s about self-defense tactics for women. The book has a long sentence as a title, and one of the many words in it is “feminist,” used as an adjective. I’m a young woman. Some random young guy comes right up to me while I’m sitting at the back-extension machine.)

Random Guy: “Hi there. It really looks like that book is fascinating. What is it about?”

Me: *wondering where this is going* “It’s about self-defense.” *looks back down at the book*

Random Guy: “Oh.”

(He looks at me for a beat, then, without a word, extends his hand, takes hold of the top of the book and, while I’m reading it, tilts it upright so he can look at the cover. He looks for all of one second, then:)

Random Guy: “Oh. It’s about ‘Fehhhminism.’ Why didn’t you just say it’s about ‘Fehhhminism’?”

Me: *speechless*

(I said nothing, just stared him down in sheer disbelief at his gall until he seemed to get the message and went away. Really, it’s like he was going for top award at the Mansplaining Competition — “explaining” to me what the book I was in the middle of reading at that moment was “actually” about, from his own grand expertise of skimming the title, with extra bonus irony points for the coincidental involvement of the word “feminist.”)

Needs A Profane Amount Of Restroom Breaks

, , , , , | Right | April 19, 2018

(At our restaurant, which closes at 4:00 am and opens again at 10:00 am, the bathrooms close at midnight. They open again for neither love nor money, so at 2:00 am, I’m cleaning one of them.)

Random Dude: *kind of angrily* “Yo, can I use the restroom?”

Me: “Restrooms are closed. There’s a public restroom at the end of this building; it’s around the corner, on the left.”

(The guy mumbles something I can’t understand about his friend and the public restrooms, to the eventual effect of, “I don’t want to use those.”)

Me: “Restrooms are closed.”

Random Dude: “When do they open?”

Me: “10:00 am.”

Random Dude: *suddenly shouting* “Well, f*** you, too, b****!”

(I shrug and finish cleaning up the bathroom, and then come back behind the counter.)

Random Dude: *in the middle of talking to one of the managers* “That’s him! That’s the guy! He said, ‘F*** you! Restrooms are closed!’”

Me: “Sir, I did not use such language.”

(I continue to the back to put up the cleaning supplies, and when I return to the kitchen…)

Manager #1: “Did you really say that?

Me: “No, I did not.” *I relay the exchange* “—and then he started screaming profanities at me.”

Manager #2: “Yeah, I didn’t give him anything. I gave him the number to the franchising office, told him we were store number [other location’s number], and said your name was [Not My Name].”

(I nodded and continued with my shift.)

According To The French

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

(I am a regular customer to this restaurant, which has paper menus. I am trying to order at the register when another customer walks up and interrupts me.)

Customer: *while holding one of the paper menus* “Do you have the menu in English?”

Employee: “That is an English menu, sir.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The other customer walks off and I try to place my order again. However, before I can finish the same guy comes back again.)

Customer: “Are you sure this is English? What is this?”

(He points to a section on the menu that I can’t see.)

Employee: “That says, ‘a la carte.’ It’s English, sir.”

A Small Size Of Nothing

, , , , , | Working | October 6, 2017

Me: “Hi! Could I have a small [Specialty Beverage]?”

Salesperson: “I’ll have to get those cups out of the back; we don’t have any up here.”

(Time passes as nothing happens…)

Salesperson: “Do you still want a small [Specialty Beverage]?”

Marketing, Market Thyself

, , , , , | Working | June 8, 2017

(I work internal tech support. A user from our marketing department calls in to ask why his emails to an external recipient keep bouncing. I take a look at the bounce-back message, and it indicates that the sender’s address was blocked by the end user.)

Me: “This isn’t really an error message; our system sent the e-mail successfully. However, the end recipient chose to block it as spam, which is why you’re getting these bounce-backs.”

Marketing: “Can you unblock our email address?”

Me: “No, because the block is on their end. It’s not in our system so we have no control over it.”

Marketing: “Why would they flag my email as spam? It’s not spam. It’s a legitimate marketing email blast.”

Me: “Apparently it looked enough like spam that they didn’t want to receive it any more.”

Marketing: “How do I make my emails so that they don’t look like spam and people want to read them?”

Me: “You’re the marketing department. You tell me.”