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This Is A Wine’d Up

, , , , , , | Right | December 17, 2021

I help manage a liquor store in Glasgow. As I’m stocking, a customer bursts through the doors in a bit of a fluster.

Customer: “Hello! Can you please help me? My friend has sent me out looking for a particular bottle of wine for their party tonight. This is the fourth shop I’ve been to, and nobody has it.”

Me: “Well, I can certainly try.”

Customer: “Thank you! It’s called Maison Rouge.”

Me: “Umm, that sounds familiar, but I don’t think we have it.”

I spend a few minutes checking our stock with something tickling the back of my mind but not quite passing the message through.

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but we definitely don’t have it. There’s something about the name, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Anyway, there’s a shop five minutes away you might want to try.”

Customer: “Oh, no. Well, hopefully, they will.”

She leaves and I stand and talk to myself for a minute.

Me: “Hmmm, Maison Rouge, Maison Rouge. Wait, she’s looking for a bottle of the House Red?!”

It’s “A” Problem

, , , , , | Right | December 15, 2021

I’ve worked in a few call centres, and I’m well used to people outside of Scotland occasionally struggling with my accent — even when I make an effort to slow down and speak clearly — so if I’m giving out address information and postcodes, I always use the phonetic alphabet to avoid confusion. This usually works.

Me: “Okay, the postcode is A for Alpha, B for Bravo…”

Caller: “Wait, wait, wait, the postcode starts with Alpha? How do you spell that?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I’m using the phonetic alphabet so it’s clear what Ietter I’m saying. I don’t literally want you to write ‘Alpha.'”

Caller: “Well, please stop it; it’s confusing me.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll just say the letters and numbers as they should appear now. That’s AB1, 2CD—”

Caller: “What was that first character?”

Me: “A.”

Caller: “Can you spell that?”

Me: “Umm, no. I don’t think I can.”

This Lie Has A Date Of Death

, , , , , , | Right | December 7, 2021

I work as an usher for a large chain cinema. Any horror film rated age fifteen is like a magnet to kids who often get people to buy them tickets and are shocked when they are ID’ed by an usher. Another issue is that kids that age are too young for driver’s licences and often genuinely don’t have any ID. I find that asking for their date of birth is surprisingly effective in weeding out people who are genuinely underage.

A group of about six fairly young-looking boys and girls line up to get their tickets torn, and surprisingly, some have ID showing that they are actually fifteen. I have this conversation with one of the girls.

Me: “Hi, can I see your ID, please?”

Girl: “Oh, hi! I don’t actually have any ID, but I’m fifteen today; we’re out for my birthday.”

Me: “Oh, hey, that’s great. Happy birthday. What’s your date of birth?”

Girl: “Uh, ummm… it’s today’s date and the year is… ummm…”

Her Friend: “Just take fifteen away from today’s date!”

Me: “Look, I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure you can appreciate that this isn’t exactly convincing, can’t you? If you return to the lobby, they’ll be happy to exchange your tickets for any film rated under fifteen or refund you if you prefer.”

The group walks off looking a bit dejected. I phone the lobby to explain what happened. About fifteen minutes later, the group reappears and the girl stands at the end of the hall and glares at me before declaring:

Girl: “I don’t like you! You’re not very nice! I hate you!”

Then, she turned around and stomped off.

Going In Order Is Very Rewarding

, , , , , | Right | December 6, 2021

I’m working in a bar on a really busy Saturday night. Customers are crowded together, but I am doing my best to keep my eye on the order they arrive and serve them in that order. I don’t always get it right, but usually, most folks are patient or polite about it.

[Customer #2] has been waiting a while but definitely not as long as [Customer #1]. I’m not sure if it is alcohol, entitlement, or a combination thereof, but he is not happy when I try to service [Customer #1] first.

Customer #2: “HEY! I was here first; this is ridiculous!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry about the wait, but I’m confident [Customer #1] was here first. I’ll definitely serve you next, though.”

Customer #2: “That’s not good enough. I’ve been waiting for ages. I demand you serve me right now!”

Me: “No. I know [Customer #1] was at the bar first and I will serve you in the order you arrived. I will be with you in a minute or two.”

Customer #2: “Not good enough!”

Customer #1: *Big sigh* “Look, mate, I was here first, but you can serve him before me if you want.”

I admit I am quite frustrated at this point and don’t want to reward [Customer #2] for pitching a fit. I also know that management generally has our back with difficult customers, particularly drunk and/or entitled customers.

Me: “That’s good of you to offer, but I don’t like the way he spoke to me, so I’ll serve him next or not at all.”

Customer #1: “Oh, go on. It’ll be the easiest way to make him go away.”

Me: “Thanks for your offer, but respectfully, I’ll serve you and then him.”

[Customer #1] held his hands up and then ordered. [Customer #2] scoffed and stormed off.

I know I probably should have taken [Customer #1]’s offer, but honestly, I just couldn’t bring myself to reward that behaviour.

Alco-Popped Their Bubble

, , , , , , , , | Right | December 3, 2021

I am the deputy manager of a liquor store. In the UK, one can purchase alcohol for your own consumption from the age of eighteen, but it is illegal to purchase alcohol on behalf of a minor.

A woman enters and is shortly followed by two girls dressed in full school uniforms. As the woman browses, the two girls walk to the counter I am standing at and, as I look on in bemusement, review our selection of alcopops. Then, the woman joins them at the counter and asks them what they want. In full view of the CCTV cameras and me, the girls literally stand and point out what they want.

Customer: “I’ll have two of your large bottles of [Alcopop], too.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have to refuse that sale unless the two young ladies accompanying you can show me their IDs.”

Customer: “What?! That’s outrageous! Why?!”

Me: “Well, I have to remind you that it is illegal to buy alcohol on behalf of a minor.”

Customer: “They are my daughters! They can drink in my home if I tell them they can, and who are you to say that they can’t?!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing that they are your daughters. What I do have is CCTV footage — which will be reviewed by the police — that shows school children selecting alcohol for you to buy them. There is no way I could process this sale and keep my job.”

Customer: “This is outrageous. I’m just going to go and buy the same things at a different location.”

And then they stormed off. I later learned that there is, in fact, a provision in law where children of a certain age under eighteen can drink alcohol at home under the supervision of their legal guardian, but who thinks sending in children in full school uniform to buy booze is a good idea?!