(My wife and I have been married twenty years and never taken a vacation for just us. We both have just recently “graduated” after going back to school to further our education for our careers. Our kids are older, allowing my father-in-law to watch them, just making sure they get hot food, and get to school and sports. Some good friends of ours get a great package deal for an all-inclusive resort in Mexico that they have been to before and want to know if we want in on the special rates. So, off we go on a seven-day trip to Mexico with some good friends. About the third day in Mexico, I am at the resort shop buying some odds and ends and have already noticed the sign that shows the exchange rates between pesos and other forms of currency they accept. I see the price tag and then do the math using the posted exchange rate. As I am paying the very polite cashier, I hear a rude woman just lose it on one of the employees.)

Rude Customer: “HOW CAN YOU CHARGE SO MUCH?! I AM NOT PAYING 95 US DOLLARS FOR THIS SHOT GLASS!”

Employee: “No, that is—”

Rude Customer: “WHAT? I DON’T UNDERSTAND! CAN’T YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?!”

Employee: “Yes, English, price is…”

Rude Customer: “SPEAK ENGLISH!”

(I have had enough.)

Me: “Ma’am, as the employee started to tell you twice in English, the sticker is the amount in pesos. The exchange rate is posted right here.” *pointing to sign next to register*

Rude Customer: “WHY WOULD IT BE IN PESOS?”

Me: *laughing* “We are in Mexico… and pesos are the currency in this country. No wonder Americans get a bad reputation for being rude.”

Rude Customer: *glaring at me and muttering* “What do you Canadians know, anyway?”

Me: “Lady, who said I am Canadian? I am from the Midwest, the heartland of the USA, and you are just being rude.”

(With that, I went and enjoyed my vacation, just wondering how someone could be so entitled and rude.)

(I’m the last one to leave after closing. As I’m locking the front door behind me on my way out, a middle-aged couple approaches. The store is completely dark, the “closed” sign is up on the door, and there is no one left inside.)

Customer: “Oh, are you closed?”

Me: “Yes, we closed about twenty minutes ago.”

Customer: “Can we just come in and look around for a few minutes?” 

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not possible; we’ve already shut down the registers.”

Customer: “We aren’t looking to buy anything! We just want to look around!”

Me: “We’re closed. I can’t let you in. I need to leave now. I have somewhere to be.”

(They continued to stand there, staring at the door, as I walked away. I kept an eye on them as I got into my car, and saw them try the door once or twice, then look at the hours sign next to the door, and then look at their phones before finally walking away. I made sure that they were long gone before I drove away.)

(A woman comes into our small gift store on a particularly quiet day and begins looking around. She is the only customer in the store and my boss is in back.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “I just love this store; you always have such nice things here.”

Me: “Thank you. Please let me know if you need anything.”

(The woman stares at one of our displays for a few minutes and then approaches the counter where I am putting together gift baskets.)

Customer: *suddenly in an impatient voice* “I would like to make a return.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like to return?”

(She digs around in her purse and retrieves some red earrings in an obviously opened and mangled package.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but earrings are an item we consider non-returnable, just for health reasons. I hope you understand.”

Customer: “But I need the money now. I don’t like these earrings and I want my money back.”

(I should point out that the customer is well-dressed with a new manicure and expensive handbag; these are $10 earrings.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but please understand that we can’t sell used earrings.”

Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

(The customer pulls out a torn piece of a manila folder that says, “[Shop] receipt one pair earrings $10,” in red pen.)

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t accept this; it’s not… exactly…” *trails off, at a loss for words*

Customer: “I hate you! I hate you! I hate this shop. I’m never coming back!”

(The woman grabbed a bow off the counter and threw it at me, grabbed her earrings, and stormed out the door.)

(I work in a museum gift shop that carries long, bendy, novelty pencils. Customers often tie them in knots and hide them in the display. Simply hilarious. If the staff doesn’t find the knotted pencils in a timely fashion and untie them, they become permanently bent and unsellable. I assume it is probably kids doing it, but one day I spot a grown-up adult man sneakily tying a pencil in a knot and attempting to hide it, and I get to use a line I have been saving for just such an occasion.)

Me: *in my best customer service voice* “Excuse me, sir, but when you’re done playing with that, can you also untie it?”

Grown Up Adult Man: *sheepishly unties pencil*

(Yessssss!)

(I work in a tourist shop right by Canterbury Cathedral. One day, a couple comes in moaning about the price for entry at the cathedral while buying some Canterbury magnets.)

Customer: “Why do they have to charge so much? It’s a place of worship; it should be free!”

Me: “Well, it’s a very old building and in constant need of repairs, so all the money goes towards renovations so people can keep coming.”

Customer: “Well, I guess charging tourists is okay, but locals should get to go in for free.”

Me: “There is actually a resident card you can apply for if you live within four miles of the cathedral.”

Customer: “Oh, we’re not from around here; we came down from London for the weekend.”

Me: “So… you’re tourists, then.”

Customer: “No! We’re English!”

Me: “But you’re here sightseeing and you’re not local, so you’re tourists. You’re in a tourist shop, buying commemorative magnets.”

Customer: “Oh.”