Tastes Like Rubber Chicken

, | OK, USA | Right | August 4, 2016

(Our establishment allows us meal vouchers per shift to ensure we actually get something to eat on our lunch breaks. At first, employees weren’t able to use the vouchers in the gift shop, only at food venues, but a memo gets sent out that the directors are planning to change that. A few days after the new rules go into effect, this happens.)

Poker Dealer: *looking around at the shelves* “So, we can use our vouchers in here, right?”

Me: “Yep, anything you want. You just have to cover the difference.”

Poker Dealer: *talking with another dealer as they look before he reaches for an item holding it up* “Can I get these?”

Me: “Those are condoms…”

Poker Dealer: “So?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, are you going to eat them?”

Poker Dealer: “No… but someone else is!”

Me: *speechless*

Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | June 25, 2016

(In the shop I work in we sell international postcard stamps in strips of five. We don’t have single stamps. After a couple of years working here, I have a whole explanatory spiel that I go into to pre-empt the most common questions about the stamps.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have a stamp for one postcard?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We only sell international stamps in strips of—”

(The customer suddenly glares at me and interrupts my spiel.)

Customer: “’I am afraid,’ you say. You are not afraid! I am afraid…”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir…”

(He wandered off, muttering under his breath in what sounded like German.)

Made A Large Mistake

| New York City, NY, USA | Working | May 31, 2016

(My sister and I are born-and-raised New Yorkers, but our relatives live in Finland. When they visit, we decide to go buy some corny souvenirs together. I need a new hoodie and decide to get the classic one with the NYPD logo. Please note that I am recovering from anorexia.)

Me: “Hi! Do you have the NYPD hoodie in medium or small?”

Employee: *looks me up and down* “You need a large.”

Me: “Er… I’m a size medium or small. The hoodies are bigger in size. I’m not a large.”

Employee: *laughs* “Sweetie, you’re a large. You need the big one.”

Me: “I know my body, thanks. There’s nothing wrong with being plus-sized, but you’re being very rude.”

(In Swedish, I told my sister and our relatives what he had said and we all promptly put back all the stuff we were going to buy. I felt insulted, but he lost the 200 dollars we were prepared to spend.)

Doesn’t Understand The ‘Grand’ Part Of The Canyon

| Grand Canyon, AZ, USA | Right | April 22, 2016

(I’m working the afternoon shift at a gift shop register at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.)

Customer: “So, we’ve got dinner reservations for Phantom Ranch and rooms at El Tovar. What’s the best route to get there?”

Me: “…”

(For those not familiar with the area, El Tovar is on the South Rim, a five-hour drive from the North Rim, and Phantom Ranch is at the bottom of the canyon. The only route that reaches both of them is a two-day hike across the canyon.)

Has Been PINked

| NC, USA | Right | March 23, 2016

(I am ringing up some souvenirs for a visitor.)

Me: “All right, your total is [amount].”

(Customer hands me a card. I swipe it.)

Me: “Is this credit or debit?”

Customer: “Debit.”

Me: “If you could just enter your PIN on the pad here…”

(The customer looks at a tattoo of four numbers on his arm, and then enters his PIN.)

Me: “Umm… excuse me, sir, do you have your PIN tattooed on your arm?”

Customer: “Well, how else am I supposed to remember it?”

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