A Family-Friendly Store

, , , , | Friendly Related | June 17, 2017

(I overhear this conversation between a mom and a cashier.)

Cashier: “Your two daughters are so beautiful! They’re adorable!”

Mom: “Thanks! One of them is for sale! And they’re buy one, get one free!”

Muscling Up A Comeback

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2017

(It is near the end of my shift and my coworker has arrived to relieve me. As she’s putting her money in her register a guest approaches the counter.)

Guest: “Do you have a holding service?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Guest: “A holding service.” *he motions to the coat on his arm* “You know, some place I could leave this?”

Me: “Oh! No, sorry, sir; not here.”

Guest: “Aw, but this coat is heavy!”

Coworker: “Think how we feel carrying our purses around!”

Guest: “Yeah, but you ladies come equipped with something that helps you carry them.”

Me: *without missing a beat, I cheerily chirp back* “So do you. They’re called muscles.”

Customers Happen…

| New Zealand | Right | May 25, 2017

(A customer comes up to the counter with a novelty mug in a box. The mug has ‘S*** Happens’ on it. It’s all of 10 dollars.)

Customer: “I wanted to buy this and when I picked it up the box nearly fell apart! I almost dropped it and I want you to know that if I had, there’s no way in h*** I would pay for it!”

Me: “I’m sorry the box nearly fell apart. Would you like me to get you another box for it?”

Customer: “No. This is what’s wrong with the world!”  *she slams the mug onto counter and the box goes flying off the counter* “I want nothing to do with your store ever again!”

Me: *unable to contain myself and risking getting fired* “Well, as the mug says…”

Customer: *storms off*

Doing Party Tricks By The Numbers

, | Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | November 25, 2016

(The theme park I work for is in the process of changing ownership. As a result, all merchandise labelled with the old management name is sold as 60% off clearance in a special tent sale. Despite the sale’s popularity, I usually work alone in the tent. A customer asks me to price check an item. As the register requires us to override and manually enter the discount for each item separately, I prefer to mentally do the math instead.)

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: *sees the $30 tag* “With the 60% off, it will be $12, sir.”

Customer: “How did you do that?! Did you memorize all the sale prices?!”

Me: “No, I just calculated in my head, sir.”

Customer: *grabs a nearby item* “Well, how much is THIS, then?”

Me: “That’ll be $6, sir.”

(Customer watches me with a flabbergasted expression and thanks me. Ten minutes later at the register:)

Me: *sees the customer bring an armful of items* “Oh, hello again. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer’s Wife: “Honey, are we getting all of these?”

Customer: *to wife* “No, hush.” *to me* “Can you tell me the prices of these items?”

Me: *looks at the line forming behind him* “Yes, of course!”

(I go over each item with him, and as fast as I can, tell him the prices after the discount.)

Me: “Do you want any of these items, sir?”

Customer: *stares at me like I’m crazy* “Of course not.” *walks away and says to his wife* “See, I told you she could do a pretty cool trick!”

John Carpenter’s: Hamlet

, | Stratford-Upon-Avon, England, UK | Right | November 17, 2016

(I work in the gift shop at one of Shakespeare’s houses, and we get a lot of silly questions.)

Customer: “Does The Merchant of Venice have another name?”

Me: “It was occasionally called The Jew of Venice a long time ago but nobody calls it that now for obvious reasons.”

Customer: “Well, in the museum there was a list of all the plays and I couldn’t find it on there. Does it have another name? Like a subtitle?”

Me: “Um… no, I’m afraid not. It must have been on there somewhere.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought it might have another name – you know, like how Hamlet gets called Hamlet, Prince of Darkness?”

Me: “You mean, Prince of Denmark?”

Customer: *blank look*

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