I’m browsing in a small souvenir shop in my hometown, which sits right on the edge of a massive national park. It’s summer, which means peak tourist season, lots of sunburns, sandals, and questions that feel like fever dreams.

A customer walks in and heads straight to the counter, where the shop owner is sorting postcards.

Tourist: “Hi! Quick question! What time do they feed the bears in the park? We’d love to go watch!”

There’s a beat. The owner doesn’t even look up from the postcards.

Shop Owner: “It’s at 8 AM, right next to the waterfalls after they turn them on.”

Tourist: “Perfect, thank you!”

She leaves, blissfully unaware. I just stare at the shop owner, who finally looks up and says:

Shop Owner: “If she makes it back, she gets a magnet.”

Our National Park doesn’t even have waterfalls.

I’m working at a tourist souvenir shop in Washington, D.C. A customer walks up to me holding up a tote bag with a stylized eagle and the American flag.

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have this in one that supports the other party?”

Me: “Sorry, what do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, this one’s clearly Republican.”

Me: “How so?”

Customer: “Because it’s got the eagle. That’s like… their logo, right?”

Me: “Not exactly. The eagle is the national bird. It’s on the Great Seal of the United States.”

Customer: *Lowering voice.* “Okay, but do you have one with like… a donkey on it instead? I want to keep things balanced.”

Me: “You want… a patriotic tote bag… with a donkey?”

Customer: “Yes! To show I’m not picking sides.”

Me: “We don’t carry party-specific tote bags.”

Customer: “That’s a shame. I think politics would be less divided if people had more options. Like maybe one with a unicorn? Nobody hates unicorns!”

Me: “I’ll… pass your suggestion up the line, ma’am.”

Customer: “It could be a unity unicorn! That could really fix America! Think about it!”

I work at a gift shop in a major theme park. An older lady came to my register, and everything was fine. I scanned everything for her order and gave her the total. One of her purchases was the dress of a famous Disney character (Moana).

Then, at the moment when I ducked down behind the counter to grab a bag from the drawer, she blew up on me!

Customer: *Screaming* “You’re going to grab my dress, throw it on the floor, and step on it to ruin it on purpose!”

Me: “No, I’m just grabbing a bag to put your purchase in.”

Customer: “I don’t want it in a bag; the dress will get wrinkled!”

Me: “Would you like a T-shirt box instead? We could fold it nicely and put it in one of those.”

Customer: “No, it won’t fit in my luggage to go home.”

Me: “Okay, do you want it wrapped in plastic? It’ll be nice and firm, and you can just take it like that.”

She got mad at me because, “I thought that you guys were eco-friendly people and loved animals!”, and she refused that suggestion, as well.

Then, I suggested another thing that we usually use to protect fragile stuff. It has two portions: one is white paper, and the other is like a carton but it’s cut in a fishnet-like pattern. I suggested that she could use that to wrap the dress like a treasure from the ocean. She denied that one, as well, for being ugly.

Me: “When do you need the dress?”

This was about a week before Halloween.

Customer: “The day after tomorrow!”

So, shipping wasn’t an option, either.

Me: “I can check to see if we have a brand-new one in its original packaging in the back.”

This set her off.

Customer: “Oh! Somehow you knew my granddaughter has asthma, didn’t you?! You’re going to give her an item that could have dust on it to hurt her or kill her!”

She went on a full tirade on me.

Luckily, my manager and supervisor were witnesses to the whole ordeal.

My supervisor intervened first and tried to calm the customer down. She went off about how “disrespectful, insulting, rude, etc.” I was and called me all kinds of names. My supervisor was trying to help, but to no avail as the lady was getting more and more aggressive.

Not even her husband, who was next to her the whole time, tried to calm her, though he had a look that said, “Why? Please stop.”

Then, my manager stepped in, and she was the BOSS with no mercy. She just grabbed a bag from another register, took the dress, shoved it into the bag, folded the top of the bag, and stapled it shut, along with the receipt. Then, she turned to the customer with a smile that said, “I’ll kill you.”

Manager: “Have a good day!”

The lady got mad and was about to blow up on [Manager], but she shut the lady down, keeping the smile on her face.

Manager: “Leave now, or security will be called.”

After that, the lady just grabbed her stuff and ran with her tired, defeated husband following behind, and I was told to get a break to calm down and recover from this incident.

A woman approaches me at the novelty store where I work.

Customer: “I’m looking for a gift for my friend who’s getting married over the holidays.”

Me: “Something for the couple?”

Customer: “No just for her. I hate him.”

Me: “I… uh… appreciate the honesty! Maybe tell me about them?”

She explains some things and I learn that the groom-to-be is diabetic.

She got them a chocolate fountain.

I work at a museum where the main attraction is the dinosaur exhibit. We sell a lot of cheap products aimed at children, and we sell a lot of them – especially “Dino Eggs.”

A grandfather (I presume) and his granddaughter (once again, I presume) come into the shop, always busy, always cramped. He picks up a Dino Egg for her, hands it over, and pays quickly.

Customer: “No bag, no need.”

Lovely, simple transaction.

Just as the till drawer has closed and I am pulling out his receipt to hand to him, I see him in the corner of my eye tear open the packaging of this “egg”, smash open the lovely plastic shell and take a big shard to his mouth. 

He begins to chew, turns slowly to me, and only then does he think to ask:

Customer: “Is this edible?”

Me: *Gasping.* “No! That… that’s not edible. You really shouldn’t eat that.”

The little grand-daughter’s face sinks further watching her grandpa spit out bits of plastic into her broken dinosaur egg. A fake dino egg designed to be immersed in water so that the rubbery dino toy on the inside can “grow and hatch.”

I gave him another. Well, I gave it to his granddaughter. Best to keep it away from him, he was clearly ravenous.

Manager: *After the customers leave.* “And this is how products get weird warning labels on them.”