What’s The Fun In That?

, , , , , | Related | October 11, 2020

A mother and her two young children are shopping for toys. The little girl has already made her selection and is waiting by the counter for her younger brother to pick something when she strikes up a conversation.

Little Girl: *Dramatically* “I’m soooo sorry about this. He’s having trouble picking a toy. We’ve got to make sure he picks the right toy, but…” *sigh* “…he’s new at this.”

Me: “That’s okay; you guys have got plenty of time to find what you want.”

Little Girl: “He has to learn not to pick big toys; my mom says that’s really important. Otherwise, he’ll think too much about them and start to turn into them!”

Me: “Oh! Well, that wouldn’t be good!”

Little Girl: “I know. That’s why I’m not allowed to have a horse until I’m older, because while I’m little, a horse is too big, so if I get a horse, it’s too much for my brain to handle, and I’ll turn into a horse person and have to sleep in a barn! But I can still get little horse toys because I’m bigger than they are, and my little brother can get little dinosaur toys, as well.”

Me: *Trying not to chuckle* “I’m glad you were able to find one, then. And don’t worry; we have plenty of little dinosaur toys.”

Little Girl: “Good! Because if he thinks too much about dinosaurs at his young age, he’ll turn into a dinosaur-brother, and not just a dinosaur-brother, but a vampire-dinosaur-brother!”

Me: “Ooh, that’d be really scary!”

Little Girl: “Yes. And I don’t want a vampire-dinosaur-brother! Because in the middle of the night I’ll hear this…”

The little girl proceeds to dramatically act out what a person changing into vampire-dinosaur-brother would be like, complete with hissing, roars, and bodily spasms. Her mother and brother now approach the counter. The mother has clearly overheard the whole conversation and looks a little embarrassed.

Me: “Did we find one that won’t turn anyone into a vampire-dinosaur?”

Kids’ Mother: “Yes, finally!”

Little Girl: “Are you surrrrre?”

Me: “Well, if it doesn’t work out, you’ll have the receipt in case you need to return it.”

Little Girl: “Good!”

She snatches the receipt and hands it to her mother.

Little Girl: “Hang on to that!”

Thus far, I haven’t seen any reports of a vampire-dinosaur terrorizing the city, so it looks like their mother made the right call!

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That’s One Way To Maintain Social Distance!

, , , , , , , | Working | September 23, 2020

Due to the current health crisis, it is required that customers wear a face covering when entering any shop. I’ve just finished my shopping and am heading back to my car when I suddenly remember I need to buy a birthday card. I dash back to the local independent card shop, and seeing that there is only one other customer, I head straight inside, forgetting I have removed my mask.

Cashier: “Hey! You need to wear a mask!”

Me: “Oh! I’m so sorry!”

I go back outside, get my mask out, and pop it on, and I head back in.

Cashier: *Glaring at me* “You can’t just come in without a mask!”

Me: “I’m really sorry. I totally forgot. I was just—”

Cashier: “You have to wear one! It’s against the law if you don’t!”

Me: “I know. I’ve been wearing one all day. I’d just taken it off—”

Cashier: “We could call the police, you know! People think they’re above the law. You could infect people!”

Me: “Okay, look. I made a mistake and I apologised. I’m wearing a mask now. Can I shop here or not?”

Cashier: “Hmph. Made a mistake. Right. Are you one of those conspiracy theory people? I bet you’re against vaccines, too, aren’t you? You think the government’s lying and—”

I stare at her in complete disbelief as she starts to go on about anti-vaxxers and other weird conspiracies, and eventually, she realises that both I and the other customer are just standing there staring, and trails off.

Me: “Are you done?”

Cashier: “All I’m saying—”

Me: “No. I don’t care. I made a simple mistake, I’ve got my mask on now, you have stood there and spouted ridiculous accusations, and you’ve guaranteed I’ll never shop here again. Great customer service. Congratulations.”

The cashier stutters as I walk out.

Cashier: “But— Er— I didn’t— Um—”

The other customer dumps a handful of cards on the counter.

Customer: “You know what? I’d rather buy these somewhere else now.”

That customer walked out right behind me.

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Attack Of The Man Thing

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2020

I am in a gift store Christmas shopping and find the perfect T-shirt for my son. It has a picture of a TV remote control on the front and says, “It’s a man thing!” 

Me: *To a saleswoman* “I’d like one of these in an extra-large.”

The saleswoman calls across the busy store to a stock boy.

Saleswoman: “I need a ‘man thing’ in an extra-large!” 

A woman behind me in line speaks up.

Woman: “Don’t we all?” 

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Who Doesn’t Love Dragons?, Part 2

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2020

My husband and I operate a gift shop that sells handmade ceramic items. One day, we are participating in a craft show where we have dragons, ceramic eggs, and orbs for sale, among other items. A little boy around five years old comes into the booth with his mother. 

Boy: “Mommy, look at the dragons!”

Mom: “They look very nice, but they’ll break; please don’t touch.”

Boy: “Mommy, dragon eggs! I bet if we get one of these, a dragon will hatch!” 

Mom: “Honey, I don’t think so.”

Boy: “Please, Mommy, can I have one? I bet a dragon like this purple and orange one will hatch from the purple egg with spots.”

Mom: “Not right now. Let’s go look in the next booth; your Dad is over there.” 

Boy: “But Mom…”

Twenty minutes later, she is back without the little boy.

Mom: “I have to have this egg. If for no other reason than the memory of that conversation. He’s going to spend days checking this egg.”

Every time we sell one of those eggs, we smile wondering if he’s figured out what type of dragon is going to hatch. 

Related:
Who Doesn’t Love Dragons?

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Canada Doesn’t Need You, Either

, , , , , | Right | May 30, 2020

I work in a gift shop at an airport for small charter flights and smaller carriers. We serve many American tourists at our store. Most people who come in are passengers leaving on outbound flights to other areas in the province.

Customer: “Do you accept American?”

Me: “Yes, we accept US dollars on par.”

Customer: “Okay, I would like to get these items here.”

Me: “All right, no problem.” *Scans in items* “Your total comes to $17.80.”

The customer hands me $100 USD. I hand back $82.20 CDN. The customer is holding up the change, looking confused.

Customer: “What is this? What is this? What is this? Do I need this? What is this? Why do I need this? What is this? I don’t need this!”

Me: “That is your change for the transaction, ma’am.”

The customer ignores me and turns to her friend, sounding annoyed.

Customer: “Why would she give me this? What is this for? I don’t need this!”

I just give a blank stare while the customer throws money on the table.

Customer: “Why do I need this? I don’t need this! Give me American!

Me: “We cannot give back change in foreign currency.”

The customer grabs the money.

Customer: “BUT I DON’T NEED THIS! WHY DO I NEED THIS? WHAT IS THIS?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you are a visitor to Canada and those are Canadian dollars.”

Customer: “Argh! I don’t need this!”

The customer stormed out.

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