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Tastes Like Rubber Chicken

, | OK, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(Our establishment allows us meal vouchers per shift to ensure we actually get something to eat on our lunch breaks. At first, employees weren’t able to use the vouchers in the gift shop, only at food venues, but a memo gets sent out that the directors are planning to change that. A few days after the new rules go into effect, this happens.)

Poker Dealer: *looking around at the shelves* “So, we can use our vouchers in here, right?”

Me: “Yep, anything you want. You just have to cover the difference.”

Poker Dealer: *talking with another dealer as they look before he reaches for an item holding it up* “Can I get these?”

Me: “Those are condoms…”

Poker Dealer: “So?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, are you going to eat them?”

Poker Dealer: “No… but someone else is!”

Me: *speechless*

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Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Bizarre

(In the shop I work in we sell international postcard stamps in strips of five. We don’t have single stamps. After a couple of years working here, I have a whole explanatory spiel that I go into to pre-empt the most common questions about the stamps.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have a stamp for one postcard?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We only sell international stamps in strips of—”

(The customer suddenly glares at me and interrupts my spiel.)

Customer: “’I am afraid,’ you say. You are not afraid! I am afraid…”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir…”

(He wandered off, muttering under his breath in what sounded like German.)

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Doesn’t Understand The ‘Grand’ Part Of The Canyon

| Grand Canyon, AZ, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I’m working the afternoon shift at a gift shop register at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.)

Customer: “So, we’ve got dinner reservations for Phantom Ranch and rooms at El Tovar. What’s the best route to get there?”

Me: “…”

(For those not familiar with the area, El Tovar is on the South Rim, a five-hour drive from the North Rim, and Phantom Ranch is at the bottom of the canyon. The only route that reaches both of them is a two-day hike across the canyon.)

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Has Been PINked

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I am ringing up some souvenirs for a visitor.)

Me: “All right, your total is [amount].”

(Customer hands me a card. I swipe it.)

Me: “Is this credit or debit?”

Customer: “Debit.”

Me: “If you could just enter your PIN on the pad here…”

(The customer looks at a tattoo of four numbers on his arm, and then enters his PIN.)

Me: “Umm… excuse me, sir, do you have your PIN tattooed on your arm?”

Customer: “Well, how else am I supposed to remember it?”

The Sun Never Sets On Ignorance

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(Several highways intersect at our small town. It is morning. People tend to get turned around easily.)

Customer: “Does the sun always rise in the north here?”

Me: “…”

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