Please Give Me The Details That Allow Me To Completely Make You Redundant

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2019

(I’m working for a company acting as the middleman for event organizers, selling gift vouchers for different events. Part of our policy is that customers get contact details for our event organizers after purchasing their vouchers, for obvious reasons. At least that’s what I thought…)

Customer: “Hello. I found [event] on your website and would like to know the organizer’s exact address and phone number.”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am. To receive the organizer’s details, all you have to do is redeem your voucher via our website, which I can gladly walk you through.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have any vouchers. I just want to know the contact details.”

Me: “I see, but unfortunately, access to contact details is only granted if you already own a voucher.”

Customer: “Well, this is not exactly great service, you know?”

Me: “Please understand that we can not just give out contact details without redeeming a voucher.”

Customer: “Why’s that?”

Me: “See, we are the middleman. There’s no need to buy from us if we simply display our organizer’s details, because then you could just buy from the organizer himself, which would make us go out of business.”

Customer: “Oh. Yes, I see. So, can you give me the contact details so I can directly buy from the organizer?”

Me: “…”

There’s No Diet That Can Fix A Bad Personality

, , , | Friendly | January 9, 2019

(I am a mother of twins, in my mid-thirties, and yes, I am rather overweight. At around 280 pounds, you can legally call me obese, but I am healthy, well-dressed, and absolutely able-bodied all around. I am sitting in the train to work, minding my own business, when the old lady sitting opposite of me lets out a sigh and directs the following gem at me.)

Lady: “You know, if you would just lose some weight, you would be pretty enough.”

(I snap out of my thought, at first not realising she’s addressing me. Then, as it sinks in, I feel anger rising.)

Me: “And if you would not harass people you don’t know, you would not be such a bitter old hag!”

Lady: “Well, it was meant to be a compliment! You have no business insulting me!”

Me: “Well, I certainly did not start insulting people on the train for no reason.”

(Silence ensued until she moved seats at the next stop. Guess what: I know I’m too heavy, but people who tell others like me to “just lose weight” are the ones to tell people with depression to “just cheer up” and people with phobias to “just calm down.” Of course, that is possible, but if it was that easy, nobody would suffer freely.)

In Soviet Russia, Tax Frauds You!

, , | Legal | January 7, 2019

(I work in a hotel. A Russian guest in town for business purposes checks out, pays for his stay, and is handed his bill. He reads it carefully, practically staring at it.)

Coworker: “Is something wrong with the bill, sir? Did I misspell the name of your company?”

Guest: “No, not name.” *says something in Russian* “Breakfast!”

Coworker: “Oh, if you need a separate bill for the breakfast, that’s not a problem.”

Guest: “No! Tax!”

(The tax on the breakfast is actually higher than the tax on the hotel room itself, so we think that this might be confusing to him and that he probably thinks it’s too expensive.)

Coworker: “Sir, these are the tax rates in Germany. I’m afraid we cannot change that.”

(The guest still seems unhappy and mumbles something under his breath. Finally, I get what he was trying to say.)

Me: *to coworker* “Gosh, he doesn’t want to have the tax on the breakfast adjusted; he wants us to adjust the tax on the room and make it higher! That way, he’ll get more money back from his company than he actually paid here!”

Coworker: “Sir? Is that what you wanted us to do?”

Guest: “Yes! Yes! You can change for a new bill?”

Coworker: “No.”

Guest: “Why not change?”

Coworker: “Because that would be illegal. Have a nice day, sir!”

(He left rather disappointed.)

Passed Out From The Kindness

, , , , | Hopeless | January 5, 2019

(I’m working the closing shift with another coworker when suddenly an elderly lady passes out cold on one of our tables. Some other customers are with her immediately and I call an ambulance right away. I help by grabbing blankets and something to drink as soon as she is conscious again and the ambulance takes her to the hospital. Through all that, some customers stay by her side and tell the paramedics what happened, so she can receive the care she needs. Fast forward three weeks. I’ve been wondering a few times what might have happened to that lady, but I’ve accepted I’ll probably never get to know. I arrive to start my shift one day and see a lady who seems quite familiar standing by a coworker. My coworker greets me and tells me the lady wants to talk to me.)

Elderly Lady: “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m [Elderly Lady], the woman who passed out here a few weeks ago. I got out of the hospital yesterday and I wanted to stop by and thank you. Thanks to your fast reaction, I’m still here today.”

(She proceeds to tell me that the doctors found an issue with her heart as the reason for her passing out. It needed immediate treatment, which she then received. I tell her what actually happened because she couldn’t really remember.)

Elderly Lady: “I remember another woman kneeling next to me, holding my head and such. Do you happen to know her?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. That was another customer, and she left when you were taken care of. All I did was call an ambulance, really. Anything else was done by other customers and the paramedics.”

Elderly Lady: “And this was more than I could expect already. Thank you. Will you tell me your name?”

(I gave her my name and told her the name of my coworker, who was there, too. She wrote both of our names down. We talked for a few more minutes until I had to start my shift. She thanked me again and left. Fast forward another two weeks. Once more I arrived at work, this time to find a nicely-wrapped gift with my name on it. Inside was a box of chocolates and a card from the elderly lady, in which she thanked me once more and said how much it meant to her. My coworker got a gift, too. We’re still waiting to see the lady return so we can finally thank her for the gifts. Seeing the lady go the extra mile just because I did what should be common courtesy totally restored my faith in humanity.)

Ugh… Someone With A Work Ethic

, , , | Working | January 4, 2019

(I’m working in a hotel reception for a few hours, to see what the job entails and learn how to use the specific software used for reservations. It’s a small, privately-owned hotel mostly used for business. As I’m talking with the colleague training me, he mentions that weekends are very dead and quiet. Barely anything will happen, and I will mostly have to find ways to entertain myself during my shift.)

Me: “I wonder what I could do to make time pass.”

Coworker: “You can browse the Web, watch videos, or read a book if you have one.”

Me: “I don’t know. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable doing that while at work.”

Coworker: “Why not?”

Me: “Um… Because I’m here to work?

(If they want to pay me for sitting there and doing nothing for eight hours, they might as well pay me for staying home.)

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