The Mother, The Son, The Holy Spirit

, , , | Related | April 1, 2018

(We’re having our first son baptized. It’s also the first time that my family meets my husband’s cousins. One of them comes to greet my parents.)

Mom: “Hi, I’m [My Name]’s mother.”

Cousin: “Hi, I’m… my dad’s son…”

(After some awkward laughs I lean in to my husband.)

Me: “[Cousin] is a genius.”

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Knows How To Drive Them Away

, , , , | Working | March 30, 2018

(I’m on a bus late in the evening. It’s packed, but it gets worse when two young guys board who have obviously been drinking. They seem like trouble waiting to happen, but unless they actually break any laws, they can’t be kicked off. I’m hoping the bus driver will step in — the guys reek of booze and keep making loud, inappropriate jokes — but when the driver announces the next station, her voice sounds really timid and girly, so I expect that’s not going to happen. Then, somewhere along the route, there’s the sound of a glass bottle falling over. The driver’s voice comes back on the intercom, suddenly rather stern:)

Driver: “Guys, was that a beer bottle?”

Drunk Guy: “Haha, sure! Don’t worry; I just finished it!”

(Without further warning, the driver pulls the bus over to the side of the road and actually stops.)

Driver: *still over intercom* “Then I suggest you get off here. Alcohol is not permitted on the bus, so I guess you’re walking.”

Drunk Guy: “What? Are you crazy? You looking for a fight?”

(The other passengers, me included, haven’t said anything so far. At this announcement, though, I can see a few male passengers getting ready to intervene. Before anyone can actually step in, the driver opens the bus doors.)

Driver: “What if I am looking for a fight? Let’s settle this outside!”

(The two guys, too drunk to realize what she’s doing, actually get off the bus to wait for her outside, only to have her close the doors in their faces. We think that’s the end of it and I’m in awe of her genius move, when one of the guys kicks the bus door in frustration. The driver opens one of the doors again and is out of her seat in a second. We can all hear her from outside, yelling, and definitely nothing timid about her:)

Driver: “Yeah, that’s right! If you kick my bus one more time, I’ll kick you so hard you’ll cry for your mommy to save you, only she won’t, because she won’t be able to recognize you! Now run, little boy. That’s right. I knew you didn’t have the balls!”

(That five-foot-nothing bus driver gets two drunk guys to slink off in shame. They simply run away. The bus driver casually gets back on the bus, closes the door, and continues the route, while those passengers who were prepared to “save” her are left looking a bit sheepish.)

Driver: *again over intercom, now back to quiet timid girl voice* “Next stop is [Station]. And, uh, sorry for earlier. That’s usually not my style.”

(I sure hope it’s her style, and I really want to be her when I grow up!)

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Journalistic Integrity Is Worth More Than A Car

, , , | Working | March 23, 2018

(I’ve saved up some money to buy a used car I’ve seen at a local dealership. This is happening while I’m sitting in the office with the boss, making small-talk.)

Boss: “So, what do you do for a living?”

Me: “I’m soon graduating journalism school. That’s part of the reason why I need the car. Interviews and so on.”

Boss: “Oh, okay. I’ve always wondered. Do they tell you when to lie in school, or is this decided by the individual newspapers?”

Me: *not sure if he’s joking* “I’m sorry?”

Boss: “Come on. We both know your kind withholds half of the news from the public, and the other half is more fiction than fact. You can be honest with me. I’m just curious!”

(Needless to say, he didn’t make the sale.)

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Not Playing With Google Play

, , , | Working | March 23, 2018

(For reasons unknown, the renewal of my subscription to a very popular streaming company through Google Play does not work. I am billed for the monthly fee, but I am unable to use the streaming services. This is my second call to the customer support of the streaming company.)

Me: “Hi there. This is [My Name]. I have a problem with my account. I renewed my subscription through Google Play, and I am unable to—”

Customer Support: “I have to cut you off right there. Any payment through Google Play is no concern of ours, and you have to talk to their customer support.”

Me: “Yes, I just called their customer support, and they cannot do anything, because they already transferred the money to your company. They directed my concerns back to you.”

Customer Support: “I already told you: we cannot help you unless you put up a payment plan directly with us.”

(I get a little agitated because of his obvious unwillingness to even listen to me.)

Me: “Excuse me? As I said, you already got my money, so it is now your obligation to transfer the money back to me, or at least renew my account.”

Customer Support: “This is a free hotline; do you really expect us to deal with this?”

(I am taken aback by his crude answer and now get really upset.)

Me: “Are you kidding me right now? You have my money, and don’t provide me with the services you advertise. Do you really expect me to play ping-pong with two different support hotlines so no one is actually dealing with this issue? This is unbelievable!”

Customer Support: “You have to deal with their customer support!”

Me: “I told you, I did! They even sent me an email confirming that the payment was transferred and that I should address my concerns to you.”

(He is now talking over me.)

Customer Support: “Hey, if you find any support guy here dealing with this, I will personally pay you the money out of my wallet.”

Me: “I talked to a colleague of yours 30 minutes ago; he actually tried to help me and at least looked up my account.”

Customer Support: “Yeah, sure. Again, call their customer support.” *click*

(Yep. The guy hung up on me. I immediately called a third time and got a lady on the line. After 45 minutes of retracing every step, talking to supervisors, and trying to figure out what went wrong, the only guess she came up with was that there has been some strange technical issue that prevented the payment from being tied to my account. After two hours of dealing with customer support, I never received my money back, or got the services I paid for.)

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Celebrating The Holidays By Half

, , , , , | Hopeless | March 20, 2018

(We sell crumble cake in various sizes; we can sell the whole plate, half of it, or a quarter. My coworker has a customer who already ordered a coffee and is now looking at the cake we offer.)

Customer: “Oh, I’ll take some of that crumble cake there; that looks delicious!”

Coworker: “Sure! Would you like the whole plate or half of it?”

Customer: “Ha, half of it will do; I’ll never finish that whole plate.” *laughing* “Well, unless you want some of it, too!”

Coworker: *also laughing* “Well, I wouldn’t say no to that, and I’m sure my coworkers won’t, either!”

Customer: “Well, then. Take the whole plate, please. I’ll pay for both halves, and one is yours!”

(My coworker starts laughing again, but she quickly realizes the customer is actually serious.)

Customer: “Yes, I mean it! It’s almost Christmas, and I love coming here. You are always friendly, all of you here, and the cake is awesome. Take it as an early Christmas treat.”

(They finished the transaction with my coworker thanking him, then she took our half of the plate into the back and related the story to us. My other coworker and I thanked the customer, too, before he left. It really made our day, and that cake was awesome.)

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