No Chance To Develop Your Argument

, , , | Working | November 3, 2017

(I am managing a team of developers, and we have written a new application. The test version is already functional but we still need to make a few more tweaks before we release it to the users.)

Me: *to the lead developer* “Could we please sit down and make a list of what we have to do before we can release?”

Boss: *overhears us* “Hey, that won’t be necessary; he knows what he is doing. He will do it step by step and tell us when it is ready.”

(My boss then takes me aside, berates me for finding problems where there are none and for micromanaging the developer, and tells me to drop the issue. A week later:)

Boss: “Hey, can we release that app now?”

Me: “I don’t know, but it is probably not done yet. [Lead Developer] has not told us that he is ready.”

Boss: “You have to tell me what is still left to do on that thing. Can you tell me one thing which is missing?”

Me: “No, I didn’t get that inform—”

Boss: “Okay, I’m releasing it tomorrow, then.”

Unfiltered Story #99126

| Unfiltered | November 2, 2017

Last summer I stepped in some glass shards. I thought I had gotten them all out, but a few weeks later the bottom of my big toe starts to hurt, when I put pressure on it. My doctor can’t perform surgery so I have to go to the emergency room at the local hospital.
Doctor: “So, what can I do for you?”
Me: “I stepped on some glass and a small shard seems to be embedded in my big toe. It is already healed but I can feel it right here.” I show him the exact spot.
Doctor: “I can’t see anything.”
Me: “Yes, it happened some time ago.”
Doctor: “Are you sure there is something in there?”
Me: “Yes, I can feel it every time I put pressure on the toe.”
Doctor: “Well, I’ll send you to have it x-rayed.”
I don’t see why this is necessary, but as my insurance will pay for it, I don’t object. After waiting for about an hour the x-ray technician calls me in.
Tech: “So, what are we going to do today?”
I explain the situation.
Tech: stares at me “A piece of glass? Seriously, he sent you down for that? Well, unless it is lead glass it won’t show up on the x-ray.”
They do the x-ray anyway and send me back up.
Doctor: “I can’t see anything on this x-ray.”
Me: “It is really small, and right here! Could you please just make a small cut.”
He reluctantly makes a small incision.
Doctor: “Huh. There is a small piece of glass in your toe.”
Me: facepalm

Sorry, You’ll Have To Settle For A Burger Civil-Partnership For Now

, , , , | Hopeless | November 1, 2017

(I’m manning the telephone in our small, chicken-centered restaurant. There’s a rush tonight and we have to prepare a huge number of orders in a short time. After the rush, a nice customer calls us.)

Me: “[Restaurant], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Nice Customer: “Hi there. We ordered a barbecue chicken burger and extra fries. You seem to have switched our order; my friend got a standard burger and two servings of fries.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m terribly sorry! We had so many orders in the last hour and we might have put the wrong label on your order. We will send out the correct burger at once!”

Nice Customer: “Woah, wait! That’s not why I called, really! I just wanted to warn you that someone will be missing their fries, just in case their order hasn’t been sent out yet. Oh, and I wanted to ask how we shall pay for the extra fries.”

(I am speechless. Next to me, my colleague and one of our drivers frantically start checking prepared orders.)

Nice Customer: “The burger’s fine; you don’t have to send out another one. My friend loves it and, anyway, he’s already eaten half of it.”

Me: “Er… you are fine with the wrong burger, and you actually want to pay for the extra food we delivered by mistake?”

Nice Customer: “Well, yeah, since I will absolutely demolish the fries and there won’t be any survivors left to send back to you.”

Me: “I’m really at a loss of words. Thank you for being so nice about this. Please accept the fries as our gift, and as a thank you for the warning.”

Nice Customer: “Thanks! That’s really nice of you.”

Nice Customer’s Friend: *muffled, in the background* “Tell them I want to marry their burger!”

Me: “No, thank you for being so great about this. You made my week! Have a wonderful night!”

(We were actually able to fix the other order. [Nice Customer] is now a regular and the entire staff loves her!)

Has No Idea What’s In Store

, , , | Working | November 1, 2017

(My colleague is calling customers to let them know that their orders arrived. She leaves a message on an answering machine.)

Colleague: “Hello, this is [Colleague]. I am calling to let you know that your book arrived today. Thanks. Bye.”

Me: *staring at her*

Colleague: “What?”

Me: “You probably should have let her know that you are calling from [Store]. Just an idea.”

Colleague: “Oh, my God.” *cracks up laughing*

(The customer did get her book.)

A New Way For The Kid To Play Tag

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2017

(I’m working the register when a young couple comes up to me. They pile their stuff onto my belt and hand me a price tag of some children’s shoes along with it.)

Mother: *handing me the tag* “Uh, and this. Our son is wearing them and refuses to take them off again, so we thought we’d just give you the price tag.”

(She points to a small boy who is running around happily and playing with the boats we have out for display. He’s completely well-behaved, though, so I decide to let him have his fun.)

Me: “Oh, okay. The only problem I have with this is that the shoes have an alarm tag sewed into them. I need the shoes on my counter in order to deactivate them or you will start an alarm in every store you enter or leave.”

Mother: “Oh. Well, he absolutely doesn’t want to take them off again.”

(Suddenly, the father speaks up.)

Father: “Hey, [Son]. Come here for a second!”

(The boy comes running and the father picks him up.)

Father: “So, where do you need him?”

Me: *trying to contain my laughter* “Here, just have him stand in this spot; that should be enough.”

(Luckily, it did work, and the tags got deactivated. The father set the boy down again, who happily returned to playing as if nothing happened. It was the only time I had a kid on my register, though.)